Shinji and Hyun-ki slept until dinner and Kippei let them, figuring the more of Rien being gone that they could sleep through, the better. And besides, if he was going to be making dinner, he didn’t really need any witnesses. Usually he let Shinji do this kind of thing when Rien wasn’t home, but he wasn’t up to it today – probably, and in any case Kippei wanted to do it for him, just… because.

It wasn’t going to be anything fancy, but it would be some of Shinji’s favourites, and Kippei just hoped he managed to clean up most of the mess and mistakes before they woke up. He was trying hard not to worry about Rien, or even think about him really, because if he did then he was going to have to start facing a few things he’d always ignored, and he’d prefer if Shinji woke up and distracted him before that happened.

Shinji woke to the scent of food and the warmth of the oven wafting through the house. He lay for a while, just watching Hyun-ki sleep, trying to tell himself everything was fine and Rien would be home in a few days, no harm done. But it wasn’t possible and thinking about it only set him on edge, hard. He sighed and slid out from around Hyun-ki, tucking her in under the blankets before sneaking out to find Kippei, smiling when he found him in the kitchen, cleaning up…something.

“Ki?” He couldn’t quite keep the smile out of his voice.

“Hi,” Kippei answered wryly, smiling and relaxing in spite of himself, because he wasn’t quite as done as he would like, but it was impossible not to be delighted with Shinji’s company regardless, and it just felt incredibly good to have him there. He finished what he was doing and turned to pull Shinji into a comfortable hug, kissing the top of his head and smiling to himself with a quirk of his mouth that was not quite smug, but… satisfied, entirely pleased with the fact that Shinji was there, his and beautiful and happy and safe, and he sighed contentedly.

“Mmm, you smell good,” he noted randomly. “Did you have a good nap?”

“It was nice,” Shinji agreed, because it was, dozing with Hyun-ki snuggling in against him, but it wasn’t the same as being in bed with Kippei and Rien and touching and knowing they were okay. It wasn’t the same as listening to them breathe in the dark around him. But it was nice.

“You’ve been making us dinner?” He grinned, peeking around and inhaling the scents of things. Kippei didn’t think of himself as a cook, but he always made the simple, easy things that made Shinji think of home. It was fitting, really. “It smells good.”

“That’s lucky,” Kippei noted, still sounding wry. “You slept through it when something was burning earlier.” He’d had to throw it out and start over, but oh well.

“Is Yuni still asleep?”

Shinji laughed softly and nodded, recalling the angelic face as he’d tucked her in under the covers and snuck out. He adored her, but that wasn’t really a surprise. Wrapping his arms around Kippei’s waist from behind, Shinji nuzzled between his shoulderblades, sinking into the feeling of being home.

“You burnt something?” He looked around for evidence and saw something burned in the trash. “What was it?”

Kippei shrugged. “Doesn’t matter,” he informed Shinji with some amusement. “I’m not making you eat it,” he teased. Really he thought it was asking enough that they had to eat his cooking at all, never mind when it was burnt or otherwise stuffed up.

“Just don’t expect miracles,” he sighed, missing Rien rather fiercely all of a sudden.

Shinji knew immediately who Kippei was thinking of and his smile turned a little melancholy but he didn’t dwell on it. He needed to be stronger, for Kippei and Hyun-ki and because he couldn’t be entirely dependant on them without driving himself insane. He looked around at the things Kippei had made and grinned.

“Wanna eat in front of the TV? We can snuggle on the couch with Yuni?”

Kippei chuckled a little. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he sighed, figuring they might as well be comfortable and together as much as possible when they were missing part of their little unit. He rubbed his face with his hands briefly before he went about putting the food on trays and plates, arranging things to carry in to the other room for eating there.

He wished he was better at… all this, though he was disgruntledly not entirely sure what he meant by that. Taking up as much of the lot as he could carry on his own, he nodded at Shinji to grab the drinks, and headed in to set things up on the coffee table.

Shinji left him to it, remembering all the times Rien had told him Kippei just needed to do things for them; to be useful and loved. So Shinji let him be useful and went to fetch Hyun-ki, nuzzling against her cheek where she was sleeping amongst their pillows and whispering her name softly in her ear.

“Yuni…time to wake up now beautiful girl. Dinner time. Come eat dinner with me and Kippei. Love you Yuni.”

She yawned and stretched, blinking sleepily at him, reaching up to put her arms around his neck with a soft, sweet smile. “Shinji,” she mumbled, nuzzling back. “Love Shinji.” It took several minutes for the part about eating to sink in, and then she nodded hopefully, pulling back to look at him with bright, alert eyes.

“Eat time? Yuni eat too?”

“Yeah baby, Yuni eat too. Yuni always eat too,” he promised, appalled as ever that she felt she needed to ask, as if they might deny her the right to eat. The bastards she had lived with deserved to die, a thousand times over. Only the fact they were dead gave him a little comfort. He picked her up and carried her out to the lounge, smiling at the small spread of food Kippei had made them and pointed it all out to her as he put her down.

“Kippei made dinner for us, Yuni! Isn’t Kippei great?”

“Love Papa Ki,” Yuni agreed, nodding as she ran over to hug his leg, which was the only part of him she could reach. “Yum, eat, Papa Ki!” she noted excitedly, looking up at him with still hopeful bright eyes, not entirely certain yet that she wasn’t going to be told she couldn’t have any.

“Is good, yes? Yuni eat too?”

Kippei looked down and his heart clenched, and he hurriedly scooped her up and kissed her, reassuring her instantly that of course she was allowed to eat too, and giving Shinji a matching appalled look. It was one thing to hear Rien telling them all that he suspected about her life, but it was somehow far worse to be confronted by clear evidence of it.

Shinji winced knowingly and reached out to grab a sweet rice roll, handing it over to Hyun-ki before grabbing one for himself and collapsing back into the couch with a content sigh, ignoring the small hole in their family for the moment. He felt selfish for wanting Hyun-ki to have dinner and a bath and go to bed proper so he could have Kippei for himself in his own bed, but he needed that contact and he thought Kippei might be needing the same thing.

“Hmm…so. What do you want to watch, Yuni? Here…you pick.” He handed her the TV remote, not sure what was on television but wanting her to have what she wanted for the moment, willing to watch anything that made her happy.

Rien had taught her how to use the remote, and she had picked it up with her usual quickness, knowing at least how to turn it on and off, change the volume and the channel. She wasn’t quite up to remembering which numbers went to specific places yet, but she was happy enough to just cycle through the channels until she found something interesting.

Tonight she settled on the disney channel, munching quietly on her sweet roll as she sat watching the screen with an absorbed, serious little face, as if paying attention were important and maybe there would be a test later. She grinned up at Shinji when he sat down beside her though, and broke off a piece of her roll to share.

“Yum, good, Shinji!” she told him earnestly.

Shinji grinned and took the morsel she offered, then broke off a large section of his own and held it out for her to eat, wanting her to learn that sharing was good and there would always be more when she wanted more. He tugged her over to cuddle against his side, immediately comfortable when Kippei sat down on his other side to watch disney channel with them. It was some strange little cartoon but Hyun-ki seemed to like it and the food was delicious.

“Thanks for making dinner. It’s perfect.” Not what Rien would have cooked, but if Rien wasn’t there then a reminder that Kippei was was just what Shinji needed.

“I tried to make your favourites,” Kippei told him, sounding slightly apologetic. Mostly it had all turned out well enough, but perfect he thought was a great exaggeration.

He leaned forward to grab the drinks from the tray, handing over Hyun-ki’s little juice cup and a normal sized glass for Shinji and himself. There was tea in the kettle on the stove for later, but he hadn’t bothered bringing it in yet. That could go with dessert – and since he considered himself completely incapable of making dessert, ice cream would have to do. He didn’t expect any complaints about that one.

Shinji ate his way through dinner and dessert, talking softly to Kippei while Hyun-ki watched her show, then carrying her off to give her a bath, climbing in with her and making sure she almost sparkled before letting her wrap herself up in her duck towel and run off quacking to find Kippei. He laughed as he wrapped a towel around his own hips and followed her, finding her flapping in front of Kippei in the kitchen doing the dishes. She looked ridiculous…and happy.

“Yuni…I don’t think ducks can swim in the sink.”

Hyun-ki’s tiny forehead wrinkled in a somewhat puzzled look, picking out the words she knew and trying to make sense of them.

“Go swim?” she asked, but the tone of Shinji’s voice told her that he didn’t mean she could go swim right now. Maybe he thought she was asking to? “Yuni not swim now, Shinji,” she pointed out, rolling her eyes at him because she’d just gotten out of the water, duh. “Dishes swim now, see?” She pointed at the sink where Kippei was washing up.

Shinji couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing, leaning down to pick her up and kissing her loudly on the cheek.

“Yeah, Yuni. Dishes swim now,” he agreed, still laughing as he leaned in to give Kippei a kiss. “Give Kippei-papa a kiss and we’ll go get you ready for bed, okay?”

Kippei smiled faintly at them, leaning over to kiss her cheek and looking amused as Shinji carted her off. “Night, munchkin,” he told her. “Go sleep now.”  He bit his lip to stop himself from adding ‘be good for Shinji’, remembering that Rien had warned him about that before.

“Ni’, papa Ki,” she answered sleepily, nuzzling happily into Shinji’s shoulder as he carried her away. “Love Shinji,” she mumbled, squeezing her arms around his neck in as much of a hug as she could manage in her current position.

“Shinji loves Yuni too,” Shinji agreed, kissing the top of her head before putting her down on her bed and fetching a nightgown, divesting her of her towel and helping her into it, grinning at the bright red strawberries all over it. Typical Rien. He tucked her in to bed and settled beside her on the edge of the bed, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

“Sweet dreams, Yuni-princess.”

“Ni’, Shinji,” she answered, yawning as she curled on her side and snuggled in with her bunny. “Yuni sleep with Shinshin, ‘kay?” she assured him sleepily. “Shinji go take care of papa Ki, Yuni alright.” She wasn’t sure what was wrong but she could feel that Shinji was anxious about something to do with Kippei, and knew she was being sent to bed early because of it, but since she was tired anyway she wanted to let Shinji know he could go take care of him now.

“Such a clever little girl,” Shinji whispered, smiling as he gave her one last kiss goodnight. He wandered out, leaving the door open in case she got scared and needed them, and went out to find Kippei, catching him just finishing the dishes. It made him smile, as it usually did whenever he found Kippei or Rien doing something domestic, in their house. At home.

“Hey sexy. The munchkin’s in bed…want a bath with me?”

Kippei grinned at him as he finished wiping down the counter, drying his hands and coming over to drape his arms around Shinji’s shoulders, pulling him in for a loose hug and kissing the tip of his nose.

“Hey sexy, yourself,” he noted with a smirk, his voice low and husky as he leaned in to nibble at the corner of Shinji’s mouth, teasing with the tip of his tongue and little scrapes and nips of his teeth. “You taste good.” Which wasn’t an answer to the question, but he figured the answer was pretty self-evident anyway.

Laughing softly, Shinji wrapped his hands around the back of Kippei’s neck, pulling him more forcefully into a proper kiss, moaning at the heat in it and the familiar taste that always made him want more. He slowly walked backward, through the living area and out the back, already reaching for Kippei’s belt, wanting him naked and as close as it was possible to get.

“Want you. Miss Rien so bad, I need you.”

Kippei felt vaguely wryly amused at the fact that if he’d said that to Shinji, it probably would have been completely misinterpreted, but he knew what Shinji meant, feeling it burning through him just as fiercely.

“Want you too,” he assured Shinji, kissing him again and deeper, groaning a little as he let Shinji tug him wherever he wanted to go, trusting him to get them to a place he felt comfortable with, at this point not even caring where they ended up. All he could think about was yes, and more, and now.

Relieved that he’d read it right and Kippei really did want the same things, Shinji quickly tossed his towel on the table before climbing into the spa, sighing as he sank into the hot water, pressing the button for the gentle bubbles, holding out a hand for Kippei.

“Come here. Come in with me.”

Kippei was right behind him, struggling out of his clothes as quickly as possible with no finesse, and sliding into the water with a soft groan at how good it felt, taking Shinji’s hand immediately and moving closer, pressing against him and pulling him in with a hand on his back, kissing him hungrily again.

“Want you, love you so much,” he breathed, cradling the back of Shinji’s neck and just holding him close for a moment, resting his temple against Shinji’s and feeling the yearning heat flood through him, pulsing with every breath. “My Shinji,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment in sheer gratitude, feeling for a moment the incredible magnitude of being given back so much that he had lost.

There wasn’t anything Shinji could think of that he wanted more than Kippei. Rien home, definitely, but the way he needed Kippei was on another level, something he couldn’t quite fathom completely. Kippei had been so far under his skin for so long being near him was as required as air.

“Love you, love you so much, touch me please, I need to be closer. Please, Kippei, I need you. Need you so bad!”

“Shhh,” Kippei murmured, smiling against the curve of his neck and kissing it softly, trailing his way down to Shinji’s shoulder as his hands smoothed over Shinji’s skin, sliding up to gather his hair and pull it back, leaving more bare skin for kissing, tasting, sucking lightly here and there, almost teasing, but keeping him close and pressed against him, their legs tangling under the water as Kippei nudged him back against the side, pinning him there for further slow and tender explorations.

This was what he’d used to love about making love to Shinji, what he’d missed for so long, the soul deep connection that gradually strengthened as they took their time just touching, kissing, exploring each other intimately and taking it slow, even once they were finally joined, riding it out slow and gentle, soaring gradually higher until they crested almost gently, soaking thoroughly in the intoxicating essence of each other’s presence, heart mind and soul.

Words were useless to Shinji when they were like this; Kippei already knew the things he wanted and the things he didn’t know how to say and he kissed away the rest of the world until it was just the two of them and Shinji could just be, hanging on desperately even as he could finally let go. It felt like Kippei stole away the negative things that usually tied him in knots and washed him clean in the water until everything was better somehow.

It didn’t feel like sex, but Shinji didn’t know what the word for it was, just knew it was easier to sink in against Kippei and exist for a few minutes of pure ecstasy that lingered long after they were both done. When Shinji came back to himself they were still in the hot, bubbling water, the stars had turned a little overhead, and Kippei’s chest rose and fell against his own in a rhythm that was slightly unsteady and made Shinji smile.

“I love you.”

Kippei smiled faintly too, and kissed his hair, sighing softly in contentment.

“God, so do I,” he murmured. “Love you so damn much, Shinji – I’ve missed this,” he admitted. “Missed you.” It had been such a very, very long time.

Kippei remembered just as recently as right before Christmas, the day that Shinji had come home and freaked out about the bruises he and Rien had given each other, telling Shinji that he remembered the way sex had used to be for them, assuring him that he still wanted that from Shinji, wanted to make slow and tender love to him in the way they always used to, and Shinji hadn’t believed him.

Kippei had nearly given up that day, nearly decided that there was no hope left of ever truly getting back this part of his relationship with Shinji, not just sex but the more that this was, and had grieved as a piece of his heart died. Yet here they were, not even two months later, and that last aching wound, the last deep, devastating grief was being healed.

“You can’t even imagine,” he murmured softly as his arms tightened gratefully around Shinji, holding him closer, “it’s been so long, Shinji, so long,” and even he could hear the wonder and the ache in his voice. “I was afraid – I thought we might never be together again like this, just…just like this, like it used to be. I’ve missed this so much, I can’t even – I can’t even tell you,” he whispered.

His eyes were deep and dark, intent, warm with a vast, quiet joy, completely focused on Shinji and the sudden vibrancy of connection that he had been starving for; there really was nothing quite like this, and never had been. He was thrilled with relief as sharp as pain with the way it felt, in the afterglow, as if they were looking straight into each other’s souls – he held Shinji’s gaze almost reverently, reaching up to cradle his head with one hand, thumb brushing gently across Shinji’s cheekbone.

“I need you more than anything, and it’s been good, with Rien, with the three of us, but somehow… somehow this is different,” he noted with a touch of awe. “You’re so amazing, Shinji, I love you so much. And I love being with you like this – I never…” he bit his lip, hugging Shinji suddenly tight, tucking him in against his chest and rubbing his cheek against Shinji’s hair, taking a deep, shuddering breath. It felt like fresh, clean air to the bottom of his lungs for the first time in a very long time.

“I never want to lose this again,” he finished in a heartfelt whisper.

“I know,” Shinji whispered, feeling somehow bleak with the knowledge of it. He’d been hungering for this level of connection since he first woke up; desperate to know he could still have that level of connection with Kippei. Knowing that Kippei could still feel it, and still wanted it with him was like the last strand of missing connections in his brain finally refiring.

“I feel like me,” he whispered softly, marvelling at the feeling. “I don’t feel…like alien Shinji. I feel like me.”

“Oh, Shinji,” Kippei murmured, feeling the ache in his throat like suppressed tears, but he simply held on tight and stroked Shinji’s hair with a steady, gentle hand.

“You’re my Shinji,” he said softly at last. “You always have been and always will be. Nothing can ever change that. Never.” He tilted Shinji’s face up and kissed him again, slow and lingering, deep and hot and fierce with all the things he didn’t know how to say, everything that meant I love you and so much more. Forever mine, forever this, forever everything. Yours.