As soon as the car pulled up in his old drive, Shinji felt his stomach knot and butterflies erupt. It felt both like coming home and like stepping into the lion’s den, neither feeling appreciated since home was with Kippei and Rien, not here anymore. But then the door flew open and Sada was rushing out, dressed in the strangest outfit Shinji had ever seen and he laughed, climbing out to meet her.

“What are you supposed to be, the mad hatter?”

“No…I’m a rock star?”

Kippei laughed too, going around to open the car door for Yuni and scooping her up to cuddle while they met all the strange people, since aside from Sada she hadn’t met any of Shinji’s family yet.

“You remember Sada, don’t you?” he asked her, pointing to the two of them together. “Shinji’s sister, right?”

Hyun-ki nodded solemnly, looking a bit uncertain at first and then with more conviction. “Shinji sister!” she agreed, smiling shyly. She kind of wanted to hide against Kippei, but she decided for the moment sucking her thumb was good enough.

Shinji smiled at her and reached out to stroke her cheek, trying to reassure her that everything was okay. He tossed his arm around Sada’s shoulders and led the way inside, grinning to himself when he nearly had to duck to get through the living room entrance. He really had gotten taller.

“Hey Dad,” he called out and was immediately greeted to his father’s head popping around the corner, a wide smile on his face.

“Shinji. Did you bring the munchkin? Ah, there she is!” He came out from the kitchen still wiping his hands on a towel, leaning in to kiss Hyun-ki on the cheek and watching as Ashara also emerged, drying her own hands, obviously having just finished the dishes. Shinji went to her immediately, hugging her and feeling relieved when she hugged him back.

Kippei nodded at Shinji’s father, keeping a wary eye on Shinji’s greeting with his mother, relaxing a little when it seemed like no immediate disaster was taking place. He hadn’t been entirely sure they were going to be welcome, after everything.

“Hey Dad,” he echoed Shinji as he turned back to his father, giving Ibu-san a grin, sparks of mischief dancing in his eyes. “This is our Yuni,” he noted proudly, stroking the little girl’s hair. “Isn’t she cute?”

“The cutest,” he agreed, thinking she looked nervous but happy and well cared for. It was clear she trusted her new father’s and that was what really mattered. He was still nervous as Ashara strode forward to get a better look at the small child, leaning down to peer into the small face.

“She’s Korean?” Ashara looked back at Shinji with a frown. “You don’t speak Korean.”

“We don’t,” Kippei agreed easily, “but Rien does.” Somewhat. He bent over to set her down on her own feet, watching with some inward amusement as she ran straight for Shinji, holding up her arms.

“Shinji!” she pleaded a bit worriedly, not liking the frown on the tall scary woman or the tone of her voice. “Shinji, up!”

Shinji just grinned at her and picked her up immediately, hugging her close and taking her to Ashara to get a closer look, amused when his mother immediately pet Hyun-ki’s hair and straightened her jumper, much as she had always done with him as a child.

“Hello Yuni. I’m…Nana-Ashi.”

Yuni gave her a cautious look, not sure what to make of her, looking back and forth between Kippei and Shinji for clues. Finding them both looking unconcerned and faintly amused, she relaxed slightly and turned back to regard Ashara with a solemn look.

“Nana…shi…” she tried hesitantly, barely more than a whisper, knowing she hadn’t gotten it right. She glanced quickly at Shinji, looking worried, questioning him with a sudden soft torrent of her mixed languages, more Korean than usual as she didn’t know most of the words, but she’d gathered that Ashara was related to Shinji in vaguely the same way that Nana-Kimi was, not quite sure how to ask and the sounds being similar enough she came up finally with, “Nana-Shinji?”

“Yeah Nana-Shinji,” Shinji agreed with a soft laugh that he shared with his mother and as she relaxed it became painfully clear they were related, the same faces and hair, the same smile and sharp hint of amusement in the eyes. Ashara held out her arms tentatively, wanting to hold her and Shinji handed her over, grinning as Kaeda crawled into the room and immediately latched on to Kippei’s leg.

“Ki-ki!”

Laughing, Kippei bent down to pick him up, holding him up high and rocking him back and forth, making ridiculous noises at him to make him laugh, then lowering him to kiss his nose and finally settling him in the crook of his arm, tickling him a little until he laughed some more, gurgling happily and reaching up to swipe at Kippei’s face, trying to grab his hair where it was getting long enough to hang in his eyes.

Hyun-ki stared at him wide-eyed, clinging tight to Ashara as she always did when she was uncertain of her perch, completely baffled by the sight of Kippei being so silly. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore, but she’d never seen him act like that. She felt a little bit anxious, too, now that two of her favorite people were no longer paying attention to her. She hadn’t quite gotten over the fear of expecting to be handed off and given away by people who didn’t want to bother with her anymore.

Shinji could see how anxious she was, but didn’t want to upset Ashara by taking her back, so he left her in his mother’s care while he examined Sada’s outfit more closely, remarking on various accessories and the fact that not a single thing on her appeared to match.

“You look ridiculous.”

“Do not!” Sada stuck her tongue out at him and then reached up for Hyun-ki, wanting to hold her too, glaring so demandingly that even Ashara had to laugh and carefully passed her down to her.

“Hello Yuni! Do you remember me? I’m Sada…you remember?”

“Shinji sister,” Hyun-ki agreed, nodding at her, smiling tentatively at the friendly face. “Go play?” she asked, remembering the fun they’d had playing together when Sada had come to visit them. She was fascinated by Sada’s colorful outfit, reaching out to touch various bright or shiny bits that caught her attention.

“Pretty,” she noted in a soft, wistful tone.

Kippei rolled his eyes. “That cannot be good,” he muttered to no one in particular, amused in spite of himself at the idea of Sada dressing her up to match. At the very least, Hyun-ki would be thrilled with it.

Shinji laughed too, sharing a knowing look with Kippei. “Just be grateful Ri’s not here. You know he’d want to dress up too.” And Sada was already picking up Hyun-ki and hauling her off to the dress ups box full of all sorts of strange and wonderful things from when each of them had been that small, determined to turn her into a miniature princess like the pictures of Shinji in the photo albumns that always made her laugh.

As soon as they were gone, Shinji and Ashara went to sit quietly and talk in the garden, leaving Kippei with Kaeda. Ibu-san smiled at the pair of them, as amused as ever  by Kippei’s reaction to him.

“You get along well with Kaeda.”

“I… yeah,” Kippei sighed, shifting Kaeda upright to lean against his shoulder, hugging him close and rubbing his back, resting his cheek against the baby’s soft hair. Not like Shinji’s, not at all, but still… He shrugged, giving Ibu-san a rueful grin.

“He’s… it’s not his fault. I wish I could make it up to him, or just… let him know it’s okay, that he’s loved just the way he is, or something. Not really my job, I know, but I – I can’t imagine ever putting that burden on somebody,” he noted softly, looking down at the baby with dark, troubled eyes. “I could never dream of expecting or…. or even wanting anyone else to try to fill that kind of void. It’s so – ” he broke off, unable to find words for how impossible it was, the idea of anyone being able to take Shinji’s place, looking back at Ibu-san with eyes haunted by the shadows of old and terrible pain.

Kaeda made a squeak of protest as Kippei accidentally tightened his grip, and Kippei relaxed immediately, hushing him and kissing his temple in apology, rubbing his back to soothe him.

“It can’t be done,” he murmured finally. “And he should never have to feel it.”

“He won’t,” Ibu-san assured him quietly. “Not now that Shinji is awake again. He’s just funny little Kaeda now, aren’t you little guy?” He grinned as Kaeda gurgled happily, amused because he was the happiest little critter. It was also adorably cute how Kippei turned into a ‘real’ dad as soon as Kaeda was in the room, meaning his gruff attitude melted away to be replaced with that of a young man playing foolishly with a toddler.

“How’s things at home?”

Kippei’s expression turned meditative, though he kept his gaze fixed on Kaeda, stroking his hair and playing with him, but a faint warm smile hovered at the corner of his mouth, matching the little burst of warmth in his chest at the word. Home. It sounded good.

“Good,” he said finally. “Really good. Shin’s worried about Rien,” as if he was the only one, “he’s gone on a job right now, but he’ll be okay.  We’re here today partly for distraction purposes,” he admitted frankly, looking up to grin at Ibu-san, knowing he would understand.

“Ah the days of distraction!” Ibu-san laughed, indeed knowing those days well. Shinji had always been the sort to worry, and he definitely got it from his mother. It was cute, in a strange way, but the distracting part was often a difficult task, and with Shinji missing Rien it was no doubt doubly hard since Shinji was impossible to side track and thought about his loved ones all the time. It was good though, to see that grin on Kippei’s face and know he loved being home.

“You’re looking good. Is your leg fully healed then?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Kippei answered, sounding rather distracted himself as he craned his neck in the direction Shinji and his mother had disappeared in, trying to catch sight of them, wondering how their chat was going and if Shinji was doing okay. He wasn’t sure if he should follow them, though – maybe it was best to let Shinji handle it.

Shinji was doing okay; listening quietly and just talking about life in general, steering clear of specifics and letting her lead the conversation for the most part, allowing her to take it where she wanted to go. He enjoyed the soft lilt of her voice and let it lull him into distraction. He’d always loved just listening to her talk, much as he always loved listening to Kippei. But in the back of his mind he was still angry she hadn’t pulled her shit together to come to his wedding; that she still couldn’t accept he was married to two people, still a little afraid that she thought he couldn’t be loved and that fear made him turn around every few minutes, searching worriedly for Kippei and eventually he had to call out and make sure Kippei hadn’t run away and left him there alone.

“Ki?”

Kippei was already on his way out, having found the need to hover too strong to resist, edging irresistibly closer until it became pointless not to just go over and join them. When Shinji called he answered with a quiet ‘here’, and smiled the warm smile that went deep into his eyes as he crossed to Shinji’s side, shifting Kaeda onto his hip to give himself a hand free to reach for Shinji’s hair.

“Hey, beautiful. How’s it going?” he asked, speaking to Shinji but making a point of smiling harmlessly at Ashara, too. He wasn’t going to hold a grudge now that Shinji was definitely his, and rubbing it in wasn’t his style, either.

Ashara wanted to hold a grudge, but she couldn’t because she had always known Kippei was the only one who could really make Shinji happy. How that happened she had no idea, but it had been obvious from the day Shinji came home with that strange look on his face and did nothing but talk about his new tennis team Captain. Nothing had changed, not through all the years in between. Shinji still got that odd look on his face that told everyone loud and clear he was irrecovably in love.

“Fine,” Shinji grinned, tugging Kippei down beside him on the back step and snuggling into his side, sticking his tongue out at Kaeda because Kippei’s side was his damnit.

Kippei chuckled at him, finding it ridiculous that Shinji could have any kind of competition. Whatever Shinji wanted was his, as far as Kippei was concerned. He wrapped his arm around Shinji and settled Kaeda in his lap, absently wrapping a strand of Shinji’s hair around his finger, playing with it the way he always did. Everything about Shinji just… fit, against his side and in his heart and with him, totally and completely.

“This little guy’s getting pretty big,” he noted, looking down where Kaeda was chewing on his knuckle.

“That’s because he’s fat,” Shinji smirked, sticking his tongue out again at the baby, who was definitely nothing of the sort but it made Shinji feel better to poke at him a little. “Fat finger sucking baby.” He sighed and relaxed in against Kippei, smiling at Ashara as if to say ‘see we fit and this is what I want and it makes me happy so please be happy for me’.

Kippei snorted softly, amused, but he leaned sideways to kiss the top of Shinji’s head. “I meant,” he noted softly, tightening his arm around Shinji’s waist, “how long it’s been, since you came back.” Kaeda being born a few months before Shinji woke up made his age a pretty good mark of how far they’d come since. So much had happened, so many changes. So many good things, so much growing better and stronger and closer together.

Just then a small shrieking whirlwind burst out of the house and launched herself at Kippei’s back, climbing on and wrapping one arm around Shinji’s neck too, holding on to both of them and laughing, chattering a blue streak of Japanese and Korean.

“Ki-ki, Papa Ki and Shin-papa too! Save me, Shinji!” Hyun-ki entreated them earnestly, and proceeded to explain what she needed saving from, breathless with laughter and mostly in Korean. Kippei looked sideways at Shinji, raising an amused eyebrow to ask if he had any more idea than Kippei did what she was on about, and then turned his head a little further to look over his shoulder, grinning at the sight of Yuni with her hair mussed and eyes shining, cheeks pink with excitement and generally looking more like a normal happy child than she pretty much ever had.

“Looks like we oughta let Sada play over more often, or vice versa,” he commented dryly, looking amusedly back at Shinji, his grin softening with a touch of awe because that beautiful little girl was theirs, their daughter, and he loved them both so much it made his heart feel three sizes too big for his chest.

Shinji grinned at them all, thrilled with the pink cheeks and messed up hair and the little laughing shrieks that said Hyun-ki was finally relaxed and having fun, unafraid of the world she was in. He reached out and tugged her into his lap, kissing her on the cheek and laughing softly as she rambled, not understanding a word but understanding it was good. That life felt good. He looked at Kaeda again and saw what Kippei saw; a baby turning into a toddler that meant time had passed and they were still there, all together.

“Love you,” he murmered softly.

Ashara just sighed, a little glum because this was how it had always been, but also pleased in a way she hadn’t expected to be. Shinji was there and awake and he looked so incredibly happy with the world it was impossible to begrudge him anything. She reached out and tugged gently on one of Hyun-ki’s long locks of hair, smiling.

“I love you too,” Kippei murmured back fervently, leaning over to rub his cheek against Shinji’s hair, breathing in deeply of the scent of it and then exhaling with a sigh as he finished, “more than anything.” All three of them, his little family, were more important to him than anything else ever had been or ever would be. All the love in the world couldn’t be enough for how much he wanted to give them.

Shinji felt like the whole world was finally right; his mother looked finally okay with things, Kippei loved him, Hyun-ki looked happy. It was all right with the world. Except that Rien was gone, and he didn’t even know when he was coming home. The reminder made Shinji sigh and slump back in against Kippei’s side, petting Hyun-ki’s hair and remembering Rien bringing her home that first day.

“I want Ri home.”

As if in answer to his plea, Kippei’s phone suddenly rang in his pocket, making Kaeda squirm and jabber excitedly, patting at him with flailing baby hands, trying to find the intriguing source of the ringing sound. Kippei chuckled at him as he deftly shifted his grip and pulled his phone out, evading the chubby little fingers and raising an eyebrow at the caller id as it rang a second time, then tossing the phone to Shinji to answer, smirking just a little.

“Looks like he does too,” he pointed out, amused that Rien was already missing them enough to call, and that for the second time today.

Startled by the call, Shinji nonethless grabbed the phone and huddled closer so they could all hear it as he put it on speaker phone, aware of Ashara quietly leaving them to have a moment alone but unable to give her any attention, completely focussed on the phone.

“Rien?” He almost didn’t dare believe it was him. “Is it really you?”

“Yeah, baby, it’s me,” Rien assured him, connection a bit crackly with airport interference, but strong and warm and solid as ever in spite of that. Sighing, he shifted his weight, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, talking into the hands-free bluetooth earpiece of his phone. He stood staring out at the tarmac of the airstrip through the window near the gate, waiting for the plane to start boarding for the next leg of his flight and feeling deeply, sorely, bone-achingly lonely as hell.

“I miss you,” he noted quietly, understatement of the century and not knowing quite what to do with it. He’d never felt it quite this keenly, this bad before. Never felt so desperately, sickeningly alone. It hurt, hurt deep inside with a constant dull, throbbing ache that made it hard to think about or concentrate on anything else. “Miss you all so bad.” He swallowed hard past the ache in his throat.

“Shin,” he whispered. “Y’know ‘ow much I love you, right?”

Startled by the question, Shinji stared at Kippei, feeling how deeply he was in his thrall, and how desperately he needed to hang on to that, and knowing somehow Rien felt the same thing and even if it was still with a dazed wonderment he knew Rien felt it for him too, in the same way Shinji couldn’t live without Rien and it made him smile and kiss the top of Hyun-ki’s head.

“I know. I know how much. I love you the same.” Not more, not less…equally. Just as bone achingly, mind numbingly completely. “Miss you so much.” Because that went hand in hand with loving someone, when they were gone.

Rien nodded helplessly, heaving a gusty sigh and rubbing a hand across his face. “I be terr’ble homesick,” he admitted softly, knowing it wasn’t just that he missed them, but it was the whole package, having a place to come home to, having them there to make it home. “Tell me what you been up to since I been gone?” he asked, even though it had only been a few hours.

Kippei watched Shinji’s face as he talked, absently letting Kaeda chew on his finger and wondering if his parents had ever seen that expression on Shinji’s face when he was not talking to Kippei – if they’d ever actually seen that Shinji did feel that way about both of them, that he loved Rien for his own sake and not just because it made Kippei happy. Which it did, unquestionably, but the look on Shinji’s face just now as he talked to Rien wasn’t something you could fake, and Kippei thought maybe his mother should have stuck around just a little bit longer.

Homesick. The word left Shinji speechless for a full minute, and then he was smiling, looking up at Kippei in delight because Rien was homesick.

“You’ll be home soon, Ri.” Or he hoped he would be because too many days like this and Shinji was sure he would go insane. For now it just made him pleased, that Rien loved their home enough to be sick with missing it. “You’ll be home with us. Won’t he Yuni? Say hello to Daddy?”

Yuni was watching the phone with big eyes, remembering Rien’s voice coming out of it earlier, though she couldn’t hear anything now.

“Rin?” she asked curiously, wanting to talk but not sure that she knew how to make it work. “Papa Rin is there?”

Rien could hear her voice in the background and it made him ache all over again, wishing desperately that he was home with them. He would just have to buy them all a lot of really great presents.

Shinji nodded and quickly put the phone on speaker, putting it in Hyun-ki’s hands encouragingly.

“You’re on speaker, Ri. Say hi to Yuni.” He pet her hair and nodded to the phone, wondering what she wanted to say to him, incredibly amused by her calling Rien ‘Papa Rin’. “Say hi to Papa Rin, Yuni. Tell Papa Rin how much you love him.”

“Hey, pretty girl,” Rien greeted her, smiling faintly at Shinji’s encouragement. He wondered when he’d become ‘Papa’ Rin, whether that was Shinji’s doing or something else entirely. Regardless, he kind of liked the sound of it.

Rien’s voice being all the encouragement she needed that it was in fact working, Yuni began chattering at him immediately, telling him all about their visit to Nana-Shinji and playing with Sada, dressing up and Kippei being all distracted by the baby, which last she noted with a fairly audible dainty wrinkling of her nose.

“My papa Ki,” she informed Rien sternly. “No babies!”

Shinji burst into loud laughter, almost crying in amusement as he stared at Kippei, hugging Hyun-ki tightly, entirely thrilled with the sign of possessiveness that meant she was completely over her fear of Kippei and now considered him hers. Her Papa Ki.

“Our papa Ki,” he agreed, kissing her cheek. “Kippei was just playing with the smelly baby. We get to keep him, I promise.”

“Shin-papa mine too,” she told him warningly, holding up her tiny index finger and pointing it at him. “All mine, Ki and Shinji and Rin, Yuni doesn’t have to share!” She’d never had anything that was just hers before, that she could keep and argue about and fight for, and now that she did she never meant to let go.

Kippei and Rien both laughed too, and Kippei got to his feet, wandering back in to find Ibu-san and give Kaeda back to his real father.

Shinji watched him go and hugged Hyun-ki closer, settling her more comfortably in his lap and leaning over her shoulder so he could talk into the phone more easily.

“You hear that Ri? We belong to Yuni now,” he grinned, thinking it was adorable, but inwardly still certain she was their’s, though he supposed it went both ways. He liked belonging to her, almost as much as he liked belonging to Kippei and Rien. It was easier, somehow, to love and belong to a child than to two grown men.

“I love you, Ri. I can’t wait til you come home. The bed’s never as warm without you in it, octopus.”

Rien groaned out loud in dismay, feeling the reminder like a physical ache. He would be sleeping alone, or trying to, until he got back. He’d always slept alone, until he met Kippei he’d never allowed himself to actually fall asleep in bed with anyone, but since then he’d become addicted to the warmth of them in the bed, sleeping with him, and it was a hell of a lot harder than it used to be to get to sleep without them.

“I know,” he sighed, rubbing an agitated hand over his hair, ruffling his own curls. “Can’t wait either, love ya miss y’so much.”

“You know…you haven’t even really left yet,” Shinji pointed out with a wry laugh. “You haven’t even left and I already miss you this much…” It was pathetic and he hated himself for it but he could feel the panic in the back of his mind and the tears stinging his eyes and he left the phone in Hyun-ki’s hands and ran for Kippei, catching him as he was coming out of the house again, wrapping his arms around him and clinging desperately, needing the reassurance that one of them at least was there.

“Rin?” Hyun-ki asked cautiously, picking up the phone and speaking into it, not sure if it would work for her or not, if Rien was still there. “Shinji cryin’, Papa Rin,” she whispered. “He go get hugs from Papa Ki. Hugs make better, Rin? Shinji feel better?”

Rien laughed helplessly, his voice cracking with the hopeless ache of knowing he’d made Shinji cry and he wasn’t there to make it better. No doubt hugs from Kippei would help, but that wasn’t the point. He’d made Shinji cry, and he should be there giving him hugs himself.

“You better go help him,” he murmured brokenly. “You two give him lots an’ lots of hugs til I get home again, kay? I gotta go now, my layover time’s up – time for me to fly again,” he explained belatedly as he remembered who he was talking to. “You go help give Shinji hugs for me, now. Love you, baby. Talk to you soon.”

Hyun-ki’s forehead wrinkled a little as she stared bemusedly at the phone, not sure how to hang it up but it sounded like Rien was gone so she wandered over to Kippei and Shinji locked in their desperate embrace and held the phone up timidly.

“Rin say come give hugs,” she noted softly, and Kippei chuckled a little, kissing the top of Shinji’s head and stroking his hair back, holding out a hand for the phone and tucking it back away in his pocket, then reaching for Yuni and pulling her into the middle where she could wrap her arms around Shinji’s waist and Kippei could hug them both.

Shinji held her close with one arm, but kept the other firmly around Kippei, holding him tight against him and nuzzling against his throat, inhaling the scent of him and forcing himself to calm down, remembering that Kippei and Hyun-ki were both there with him and it wouldn’t be too long before Rien was home with them and everything was better again. It was still a long time before he could bring himself to pull away, swiping at the tears left on his cheeks and smiling timidly down at Hyun-ki.

“Can we go home now? I wanna go home. I need a nap or something. Ice cream and a movie or whatever.”

“Whatever you wanna do, Shin,” Kippei assured him. “We can leave anytime, this was just a visit.” For distraction purposes, and obviously the distraction was no longer working after Rien called them in the middle of it, so they might as well go.

He brushed at the tear tracks on Shinji’s cheeks with his own thumb, kissing his forehead and then picking up Yuni to carry her back inside.

“C’mon, let’s go say bye to your folks.” He wasn’t too sure what they were going to tell them, but he thought they would understand.

They did. As soon as they saw Shinji’s face, Ashara was hugging him and ushering them out the door, reassurring them that they were welcome any time and helping them get Hyun-ki into the car while Ibu-san took care of Kaeda and Sada. They waved them off from the front door and Shinji breathed a heavy sigh of relief to be back on the way home, too relieved to even feel some sort of panic at being in the car. He curled up in the seat and watched Kippei beside him and Hyun-ki in the child safety seat in the back.

“Sorry. Just want it to be us. Need just us.”

Kippei reached over to squeeze his hand comfortingly. “Nothing to be sorry for, lover. Going to see them was mainly a distraction to keep our minds off Rien not being home, and obviously after he called it wasn’t going to work anymore. We’ll go home and curl up together, just us, we’ll be okay.”

There were no words Shinji could think of that did justice to how grateful he was that Kippei loved him and understood him so well. He stroked Kippei’s cheek and let his eyes close, determined to doze all the way home, crawl into bed with Yuni when he got there, and sleep until dinner.

“Love you, Ki and Yuni. Love you more than life.”