He’d taken his phone out into the other room to answer it, going over to stare out at the garden through the window of the back door. About all he could say was yes and no and I understand and listen to what sounded like the voice of doom. Shinji was not going to like this. At ALL.

Sighing, he shut his phone and slipped it absently into his pocket after the call, staying where he was and staring blankly out at the dark garden. He only had a few hours before he had to leave, and while he would be home much sooner than usual, only gone for a day, well…this kind of a job just inherently had a much higher potential of things going wrong, maybe minor things, but maybe not so minor.

And if he ended up screwing up it was only going to be worse.

Shinji woke when the phone rang and just watched in silence as Rien got up and left the room. That answered the question of who it was very clearly and Shinji felt cold and sick as he tried not to listen to Rien talking to whoever was on the other end in that stoney voice.

Kippei sat up with him, and Shinji clung to his hand like a lifeline, but when Rien hung up the phone there was just silence in the house and Shinji felt like it was suffocating him. But he didn’t dare to say a word, because he wasn’t sure if it would end up being tears instead and he was hoping he was better than that now.

Sighing, Rien rubbed his face with his hands and headed back in to the bedroom, giving the two of them a faint, crooked smile. He was sorry to have woken them at such an hour, but he knew they would want to be awake if he was leaving.

“I…have to go,” he said finally. “I gotta be on a plane in a few hours.” And he needed to pack, though he wouldn’t be taking much with him, just a change of clothes and a few basic necessities. Instead of doing that, though, he just crawled back onto the bed and curled up with them, laying in Shinji’s lap and resting his head against Kippei’s knee.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, knowing it was stupid to apologize but feeling the need to anyway.  There was nothing about this situation that didn’t suck.

That Rien was sorry only made the lump in Shinji’s throat grow, his stomach fall further and his heart ache horribly. He looked to Kippei for helped, not trusting himself at all with this. Rien had to leave in the middle of the night. In the middle of the fucking night! There was definitely going to be something wrong…something was already wrong, that was why Rien had to go, right?

“Ki?” He sounded completely uncertain, and he was.

“That’s short notice,” Kippei commented, watching Rien concernedly and stroking Shinji’s hair in slow, soothing strokes. “Shhh,” he murmured. “Shh, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Rien shrugged. “I won’t be gone long,” he murmured, cuddling in against Shinji and rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Only a day. Then I’ll be right back, I promise.”

“Why so short?” Kippei muttered, though he doubted Rien could tell them. “Is that…normal?” he asked doubtfully.

“Oh sure, sometimes,” Rien answered, sighing a little as he wrapped his arms around Shinji and hugged him tight. “It happens, just a special job or somethin’. Nothin’ to worry ’bout.”

“Well, I’m worried, so screw you!” Shinji bit out, but his lower lip trembled and he could feel his eyes prickling and really, this just sucked. He wrapped his arms tight around Kippei’s neck and hid there, willing the feeling of terror to fade, but it stuck firmly in his gut.

Rien bit his lip and sat back, hugging his knees and watching them helplessly, not knowing what to say.  Yeah, it sucked, and there was some reason to worry, but he was reasonably sure he’d be fine, he just couldn’t really explain to them…well, anything really. Except… they had promised.

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you everything I know.” Which wasn’t a lot, but it should help, right?

Shinji sat bolt upright and stared at him with mouth agape and shock written clearly on all features. Wasn’t that completely, stupidly illegal? What if their house was bugged or something? But he wanted to know…even needed to, on some level. It was a show of trust he had not expected, and it was all the more valuable for it.

“You…you will?”

“No more secrets, remember?” Rien answered ruefully, grinning wryly at him and reaching out to pull him into his arms. “C’mere, you.” He snuggled Shinji close and just breathed for a minute, reminding himself that this, here, was what was most important.

“They want me to go in and pull out another agent who’s got himself in a bad spot, I been there before so I know the area, I can just drop in and go instead of someone else taking the time to learn it. Time gets critical once somethin’ goes bad, so the sooner I get there, the better. Don’t think I’ll have too much trouble, but yeah…it’s a little more dangerous than what I been doing.  I’m gonna be careful, though. I’ll come back safe, I promise.”

That wasn’t helping at all! Every word had Shinji growing paler, looking from Rien to Kippei continuously, filled with horror. Something had already gone wrong, and they wanted to send Rien in to fix it? Shinji knew Rien could do it, but that didn’t mean he wanted him to. It sounded dangerous and far too unsafe and just not anything Shinji wanted Rien anywhere near. But Rien promised to come back safe and Shinji also knew he was only making everything harder by freaking out about it. So he sat quietly, shivering a little and feeling drained.

“How long?”

“I got about three hours until I have to leave, need to be on a plane at six,” Rien told him, hugging him close and looking worriedly at Kippei, knowing that Shinji might freak out over the details once he got them, and not sure if it would have been smarter to wait and tell them after he got back.

Kippei sighed heavily, feeling worried too, but knowing there wasn’t anything he could do about it and he’d always trusted Rien to take care of himself before.

“Then we have time to go sit in the hot tub for awhile,” he pointed out finally, thinking it was a much better place for talking.

Shinji couldn’t agree more, but neither could he let go, so he just clung and let them lead the way out, not bothering to take his clothes off, sinking into the water gratefully and turning on the heat. It helped thaw the shivers but not the source of the cold and he found himself looking wearily at Rien, not even able to think to three hours time when he wouldn’t be there and Hyun-ki would wonder where he was and Shinji wouldn’t be able to explain. He sighed glumly and sank deeper into the water.

“This sucks.”

“I be home tomorrow,” Rien promised, stroking his cheek, and wrapping an arm around him, looking hopeful because he hoped it would help, but he kind of doubted it.  Really, what was he supposed to say?

Kippei shook his head, finding a bottle of wine and some glasses before he climbed in after them. “Here,” he said dryly, handing them each a glass. “Let’s make a toast, hm? And believe in ourselves,” he added softly. “All of us.” That Rien would be fine and come back safe, that he and Shinji would be alright staying behind and taking care of Hyun-ki and each other…  that everything would work out.

Shinji took the glass obediently and nodded to the toast, feeling reprimanded a litte for not having enough faith, in their relationship and in Rien and in life really. But shit happened and he didn’t want it to happen to Rien, not now or ever. He took a deep swallow of wine and let it start to numb him a little.

“It’ll be fine,” Shinji agreed softly. It had to be, after all.

“I’ll drink to that,” Rien nodded, taking his own drink and sighing a little as the warmth of the alcohol and the heated water began to relax him, easing his tension.

Kippei gave him a searching look over the top of Shinji’s head, debating whether Rien’s insistence that he would be fine was based on real confidence or just bravado, if the mission was going to be more potentially dangerous than he had implied. He finally decided that Rien looked pretty comfortable with it and would probably be fine, and began to relax as well.

He reached over to stroke Shinji’s hair, smiling reassuringly at him. “You gonna be okay?”

“Just peachy,” Shinji grumbled. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have to either and he could live with it. With Hyun-ki to distract him it wouldn’t even seem like that long before Rien was back again, he knew. It was just his head failing to adjust to the change, even though it sort of knew it was coming.

“Just can’t get used to it, even if I expect it, you know?”

Rien opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it again without saying anything. Kippei gave him a curious look, wondering what he was going to say, but decided not to ask.

“I’m sorry it’s such short notice,” Rien murmured finally, taking Shinji’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “When I get back, though… want to take a day for us and take Yuni and Kippei to the zoo?” They never had gotten around to going with Kippei, and Hyun-ki would no doubt love it – Rien doubted she’d ever been to anything of the kind.

“Yes!” Shinji agreed immediately. “We can show her real KiRi’s!” He had amazingly good memories of his date with Rien, and the thought of making more with the whole family thrilled him. “I’ll charge the camera and get everything ready today. That’ll give me something to do…” Because no way was he going to school, he’d be a total wreck.

Rien laughed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek – Shinji was really just the most adorable thing ever. “Yeah, sounds good,” he agreed.

And sometime when he got home, he needed to talk to them about him retiring from his job altogether, because even if Shinji was going to feel responsible he could not keep going on like this forever, and honestly at this point did not want to.

“Ki…” he started, and then shook his head. “Never mind. Talk to you guys ’bout that when I get home.” He didn’t want to unbalance Shinji’s emotional state further before he left.

Shinji eyed him curiously but had no idea what he’d been going to say, and he didn’t want to upset Rien when the man had to go do god only knew what. Shinji refused to be responsible for Rien screwing up because he was curious about stupid stuff that didn’t matter.

“Love you, Ri.”

Rien smiled warmly at him, leaning over to give him a soft, lingering kiss. “I love you too,” he said gently. “Both of you, love you more than anything in the world. I come back to you, I promise,” he noted softly. “Always. Can’t live without you no more, y’know that.” And he liked to think they couldn’t really do without him, either.

“We know,” Shinji agreed softly, letting it soothe the ache in his chest and he curled up against Rien’s side on the bench, turning on the bubbles and letting the water gently massage away the stiffness.

“So, I was thinking that maybe we should hire Ishan to give Yuni some language lessons…”

“Yeah?” Kippei looked at him bemusedly, wondering why he thought it was necessary. “You think she needs it? She’s young enough to pick up languages pretty quickly, especially when she’s surrounded by it, and she seems to be doing okay with it, I thought…” Then again, he didn’t spend as much time with her as Shinji and Rien did, being that school and studying kept him busier in general.

“Yeah, I just thought…she might like someone to explain what some words mean, or ways to say things right and why it’s that way…stuff we can’t tell her.” Shinji knew he would want someone explaining things to him if he were in her shoes.

“She seem to be figurin’ things out pretty quickly,”  Rien pointed out. “She’s real quick pickin’ things up, gonna be a real bright kid once she goes to school,” he noted proudly. “But it might be a good idea, I guess.” Couldn’t hurt, anyway.

“We needa get her name changed when I get back, too,” he added, grimacing. “You guys might wanna put your heads together an’ get one decided on by the time I get back, has to be done real soon.”

“Kay,” Shinj agreed quietly because while he didn’t like it, it really did have to be done, and soon. She wasn’t safe until it was done and he wanted her safe. Now.

“She’s so cute…it scares me how badly I want to protect her.”

Kippei shifted a little, his expression tightening, and Rien gave him a concerned look, knowing that this was one of the reasons why Shinji and even Akira’s injuries due to the accident had messed him up so badly. Kippei wanted to protect damn near everybody that way, but especially Shinji, and while the train wreck and Shinji’s coma in no way could have been his fault or something he or anyone else could have protected Shinji from, it had fairly devastated him that he not only hadn’t been able to, but had come through it with comparatively minor injuries himself.

“Yeah,” Kippei said softly at last, pressing a kiss to Shinji’s temple. “I know.”

Realising what Kippei was thinking of, Shinji reached out to stroke his cheek, his smile sad but understanding. He’d gotten used to the fact he’d hurt Kippei, and there was nothing he could do about it. Kippei would feel what he felt, and nothing would change that. In the end, Kippei had done everything possible to protect him after he woke up, and that was the part that really mattered.

“Can we have pizza for dinner?” He was trying to change the subject, and he doubted anyone would feel like cooking before Rien got back.

“Sure,” Kippei agreed, stroking Shinji’s hair and smiling ruefully, not entirely sure that Shinji was going to feel like eating when dinner came around, depending on how worried he got about Rien.

“What time do you have to go, Ri? You going to be here for breakfast?”

Rien shrugged, looking up at the lightening sky. “Maybe…I got an hour and a half, maybe two before I have to go, guess we could wake Yuni up early.”

“Let’s do that!” Shinji agreed immediately, wanting to at least have breakfast before Rien had to go. Kind of like a last supper deal, only that had better not really be the last one. He got out of the spa and wrapped a towel around his hips before going in to wake Yuni, sneaking into her room and scooping her up out of bed, carrying her back out the back and sitting on the edge of the spa, just watching her sleep and waiting for her to wake up.

“Wakey wakey pretty Yuni.”

She yawned and rubbed her eyes, looking adorably confused, and Rien reached over to ruffle her hair.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” he told her, grinning at them both.

“Maybe I should make breakfast,” Kippei mused. “Since Rien is leaving.” He wasn’t a great cook, but he could make the basics.

Shinji looked at him skeptically, not at all sure they wouldn’t get burnt toast dipped in orange juice, but he wasn’t going to argue and simply rocked Hyun-ki back and forth, smiling at the sleepy look on her face.

“Hey beautiful girl. You want some juice?”

Kippei returned his look with a dryly amused one. “I can make scrambled eggs and toast, Shinji,” he noted. Which he’d done before on occasion when Rien wasn’t home and Shinji didn’t feel like doing it. He looked down at himself to make sure he was at least wearing boxers before he climbed out of the spa, reaching for a towel of his own and drying himself off, leaning over to kiss the top of Yuni’s head before he wandered inside.

Sighing, Rien gave Shinji a wry look. “You better take her inside, I’m not dressed,” he pointed out.

Oh, yeah. Shinji smirked at him anyway and deliberately licked his lips before taking her in, sitting at the table where they could watch Kippei cook and drink juice. He yawned, feeling suddenly tired again at the idea of Rien leaving for even a day and having to take care of anything by himself. He had to admit, he wasn’t that great at taking care of anything.

“Ki, can you pour some juice?”

Kippei looked over at them and chuckled, both of them looking sleepy and way too cute. “Sure,” he agreed, getting each of them a glass and setting them on the table in front of them, grinning at the picture they made as he went back to work.

“We’re gonna have to tell her,” he murmured eventually, figuring that Shinji did not want to be the one to do it.

“That’s Rien’s job,” Shinji noted grumpily. “He’ll explain it better anyways.” He looked up as Rien appeared in the doorway with a towel wrapped deliberately low around his hips, eyes pleading for someone else to do it in a way that wouldn’t make her cry, or Shinji was going to snap.

“What’s my job?” Rien asked, giving him a puzzled look as he came over to pick Yuni up and give her a kiss on the cheek. “How’s my morning glory, hm?” he asked her, tickling her gently until she laughed.

“Juice!” she told him, holding up her cup to share if he wanted some, and he looked amused. Juice, along with cookies and hot chocolate and Shinji, was one of her favorite things.

“That’s yours,” he told her. “I get some for me, don’ worry.”

“To tell her what’s going on, because if she starts crying as soon as you head for the door I’m smacking you hard up the head as soon as you walk back through it,” Shinji ground out, then sighed because he was getting angry for no real reason, just taking his own frustation out where he could and that wasn’t fair.

Rien blinked at him, then shrugged. “I’m goin’ to work, I be back tomorrow, what else you gotta tell her? I go to work all day sometimes, she ain’t gonna think anything unless I ain’t there to tell her goodnight…just tell her I had to work late and she’ll see me in the morning.”

Shinji glared so hard he would have disintegrated Rien on the spot if he had lazer vision or some other super power. But he was only human, and couldn’t save Rien from his stupidly dangerous job or make sure he came home to kiss Yuni good night and somehow that just grated.

“You tell her!”

“I…” Rien looked helplessly at Kippei, not seeing any reason to do so and not wanting to needlessly upset her, especially as Shinji had demanded it be done without making her cry, which was likely impossible.

“Breakfast first,” Kippei said firmly, bringing over a plate of toast and setting it on the table, nudging Rien to sit down and start eating while he went back to keep an eye on the eggs.

“One of us will tell her, Shinji,” he promised quietly. “But let’s eat first.”

Sighing in relief, Rien handed Yuni back to Shinji with a last kiss on the cheek, hoping that it might make Shinji feel better to be holding her.

“M’sorry,” he murmured, stroking Shinji’s arm apologetically as he took a seat beside them.

Shinji just shook his head, knowing it wasn’t Rien’s fault at all and that he was being irrational, but he knew Hyun-ki would ask, where is Rien and why is Shinji taking care of me today and that look on her face and confusion in her eyes would kill him. He was feeling too raw about the whole thing already.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, taking a piece of toast and nibbling on it before offering some to Hyun-ki to drool all over.

She was watching them all curiously, knowing she was being talked about but not sure what was going on, and she accepted the distraction of the toast without protest, finding food more interesting than whatever the adults were talking about.

Kippei brought the eggs over shortly and took a seat himself, pouring some juice and informing Rien that if he wanted coffee he could get up and make it himself.

“Nah, I’m good,” Rien answered lazily, grinning to himself in amusement because sometimes where Kippei drew his lines was just funny.

Shinji looked at them both and his nose wrinkled in distaste because coffee just smelt bad. Hyun-ki, he was sure, would agree. He grinned and kissed the top of her head, looking tentatively at Kippei and pointing to the teapot, which was steaming a little.

“Does that mean tea isn’t too much to ask for?”

“Umm…” Kippei looked from one to the other of them and then closed his mouth without saying anything, getting up to make Shinji a cup of tea and bringing it over to him.

Rien laughed so hard he nearly hurt himself. If he’d complained, he knew Kippei would have gone and made him coffee anyway, no matter what he said, but it was pretty hilarious to watch the way Shinji had Kippei wrapped around his little finger so much that he barely even had to ask.

“You’re so cute, Ki.”

Kippei gave him a dirty look, and plunked down a second mug of tea in front of him.  “Be happy,” he ordered, getting a cup for himself as well before he sat down again. Rien just kept laughing at him.

Shinji grinned and squirmed down into his chair so he could catch one of Kippei’s feet between his own under the table, settling comfortably and sipping at his tea, reaching over to spoon eggs onto Yuni’s plate when she looked over at them cautiously, not sure she could have some. He pet her hair and helped her pick up the fork, then left her to it, not caring if they both ended up covered in scrambled egg. It was worth it if she enjoyed it.

“You really think you’ll get back tonight?”

“Tomorrow,” Rien corrected. “Mid-morningish, by noon for sure. Early morning if I’m lucky,” he added, shrugging as he took a mouthful of toast with scrambled eggs piled on top.

Kippei remembered times when Rien had, in fact, been gone less than a day, back the same evening or in the middle of the night, but they had mostly been those other kind of missions that Rien didn’t take anymore.

“Take as much time as you need,” he noted softly, not wanting Rien to make any mistakes because he was rushing and in a hurry to get home by a certain time.

Shinji shivered as soon as he realised what Kippei was saying, the thought of Rien making a mistake sending terror through him. He shook his head and took a mouthful of eggs to stop himself from demanding Rien not go, knowing full well that wasn’t even an option.

“Stay safe,” he corrected himself softly.

“I will,” Rien promised them both. “I will.”

He’d never told his parents anything about that particular event, even vaguely, and he didn’t intend to, so there was no point in it really. Instead he pushed off swinging, feeling the wind on his face and let himself remember the days when they came here with Yuni and they would swing higher and higher, the happy laughter and the sense of family that told him this was where he belonged now, this was who he was.

After awhile he finally slowed and stopped, sitting there for a minute just drifting idly with the wind, feeling settled and grounded and at peace again, and then he took a deep breath and headed back home. Time to go reassure Shinji that he really was okay – and Kippei too, for that matter, he thought wryly.

He let himself quietly back into the house and toed off his shoes, heading for the bedroom and crawling onto the bed to snuggle up with them, not bothering to get under the covers again.

“That’s better,” he sighed contentedly, after he’d wriggled his way in between them and gave Shinji an eskimo kiss, grinning crookedly at him. “Did’ja miss me?”

“Idiot,” Shinji smiled at him, reaching out to wrap an arm around Rien’s waist and snuggling closer against him, feeling the unease settle now that Rien was back. “You know we did,” he pointed out, thinking it was a little mean for Rien to make them admit to it so easily.

“You okay?”

Rien nodded, kissing his forehead as his hands found warm skin to rest against, soaking up the heat of them being here, surrounding him, being safe. Being loved, no matter what.

“M’alright now,” he agreed, looking over his shoulder as Kippei stroked his hair and leaned down to kiss him.

“We talked some more,” Kippei told him. “Think we’re alright too…right, Shinji?” he asked, giving him a questioning look just to make sure.

“We’re good,” Shinji agreed, hoping Rien really was okay and not just saying so, but he really did seem fine. It made him smile, reaching across Rien to squeeze Kippei’s shoulder.

“You stayed out a while…Yuni’s gonna come peekin through that door any minute now asking to come and sleep with us until the sun’s up proper.”

“I was swinging,” Rien admitted, looking sheepish and shrugging a little. Kippei had been right, though, it had been what he needed. “Thinkin’ about us bein’ there with Yuni, jus’…bein’ a family.” Having people who understood him, loved the same things, were happy together, having unexpectedly ended up with a marriage like his parents had. All of it reminding him just how lucky he’d been, and still was.

That not being what Shinji would have been doing had their positions been reversed it took a moment for it to all click in Shinji’s head and then he was grinning, rolling Rien over so he could land on top of him, pinning him to the bed and showering him with kisses because that was just so freakin cute! Everything about Rien was cute and adorable and Shinji just couldn’t get enough of him. Was sure a lifetime wasn’t going to be enough.

“We should get two lifetimes together. Because we have to share everything with two people. That would be much more fair.”

Laughing, Rien wrapped his arms around him and kissed him back with enthusiasm, feeling warm clear through, the last of the shadows banished again.

“That’s true,” he agreed, eyes twinkling with amusement as he grinned back at Shinji’s beaming face. “Could be we should do some research into that,” he mused, figuring you never knew what was really impossible until you looked into it for yourself, and regardless, it would be interesting.

“I love you, beautiful,” he added softly, stroking Shinji’s cheek and smiling to himself at the shine in his pretty blue eyes. “You too,” he told Kippei, just so he didn’t feel left out.

Kippei chuckled, playing with both their hair as he watched them, finding them both impossibly cute and completely adorable as well.

“Glad to know I’m at least an afterthought,” he teased, but really since he wasn’t the one tackling people it made sense.

“Love you both,” Shinji noted softly, seriously as he looked from one to the other and tried to imagine what his year would have been like without them. What his life would have been like, only he knew he wouldn’t have had one. He would have withered away and died in those first weeks in the hospital.

“I’m alive because of you.” Both of them, because while it had been Kippei that held him there, it had been Rien that taught him how to enjoy it again.

“So am I,” Kippei agreed soberly, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Shinji’s, finger’s tangling in Rien’s curly hair and rubbing gently at his scalp.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you – both of you.” He would have died several times over if it wasn’t for Rien, and it had taken both of them together to keep him from ultimately self-destructing. He needed them both, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hmm….can we get Rien naked under the covers now?” Shinji eyed Rien curiously, wondering if it was okay to take his clothes off and tuck him in with them, or if he still felt weird and raw about it all. “I’m really sorry, Ri. I didn’t understand.”

“S’okay,” Rien told him, shaking his head and smiling a little crookedly. “You didn’t know.” He still had no idea how Shinji had managed to get that confused about it, but that was Shinji for you. He sighed a little, debating Shinji’s request.

“Mmm what about Yuni bein’ up soon?” he reminded Shinji, a little amused that it was Shinji advocating get naked in spite of this now. Though really, it was likely to be over an hour before she was up and around. He sat up and pulled off his shirt and his hoodie together, tossing them aside before he crawled off the end of the bed and skinned out of his jeans, dropping them and coming over to slip in under the covers beside Shinji.

“There we go,” he sighed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Shinji and snuggling him, smirking over at Kippei because now they had Shinji in the middle.

“But then Yuni would just wonder what was wrong and why Rien was in bed in jeans and a shirt instead of nothing like he usually was,” Shinji pointed out with a knowing smirk. Hyun-ki wasn’t completely stupid, she knew her daddies all slept in the same bed and played strange games there together when the door was shut. That was why she knocked, after all.

“If you don’t squeal too loud, then we won’t wake her up,” Shinji pointed out reasonably. “Which gives us an hour…” He smirked, already reaching for Kippei, knowing that once Kippei was turned on, it was all on.

Kippei didn’t really like thinking about what Hyun-ki might think or not think about their nighttime activities, but Shinji was irresistible, as usual. He tried anyway to control his reaction to the familiar hands ghosting across his skin, Shinji’s sexy mouth kissing and nibbling as he set about driving Kippei crazy, but it worked the way it always did.

“You’re evil,” he groaned as he finally gave in, wrapping Shinji in a fierce tight hug and kissing him back, hard and hungry.

“Go, Shinji,” Rien cheered, grinning wickedly at the result as he settled in against Shinji’s back, rubbing up against him and nuzzling the back of his neck, breathing in the scent of his hair that was partly the shampoo he used and partly just Shinji, sighing happily as the familiar sensations washed over him. Yeah, this was his life. This was better than anything.

All he knew was that he kept waking up, over and over one night with no warning, from horrendous nightmares of the crash. The sort of dreams he hadn’t had for months. The kind that had him waking choking on a silent scream, sweating madly and terrified.

Rien and Kippei woke sometimes but Shinji felt caught in a loop and finally had to crawl out of bed and go to get a glass of water. It was only then, while standing in the kitchen and staring absently at the calendar, that he realised why. And then all he could do was stare, a strange smile on his face, blinking back tears.

Disturbed by Shinji climbing out of bed, Rien got up and followed him when he didn’t come back right away, grabbing an extra blanket and taking it out to drape around Shinji’s shoulders, hugging him from behind and kissing his hair.

“What’s wrong, princess?”

“Just bad dreams,” Shinji whispered, but that wasn’t it, really. He smiled wider, looking up at Rien with a hint of awe on his face as he pointed at the calendar.

“It’s been a year. I woke up a year ago. A few hours ago.”

“So you did,” Rien observed, studying the date with interest and hugging Shinji close, rocking him gently back and forth. “Been a long year, hm? Come a long way, haven’t we.” He chuckled softly at the memory of where they had been a year ago, all three afraid they couldn’t keep the ones they loved the most, and kissed Shinji’s hair again, stroking it back.

“Love you, beautiful. I’m glad you’re mine,” he noted softly.

“My head feels funny…sort of stuck on a loop, going over the crash and stuff. It’s kinda weird. But…it feels good. I’m not alone when I wake up, and I feel good. Everything’s so…good.”

Rien chuckled softly, picking him up and kissing him and taking him back to bed. “Good,” he agreed. “We think so too, ain’t we, Ki?”

Kippei was sitting up in bed, looking sleepy and worried and confused. “Where’d you go?” he mumbled, rubbing his face with his hands. “Shinji okay?”

“Think so,” Rien told him amusedly, dumping Shinji in his lap, blanket and all, and tumbling down beside them. “We’re all good,” he murmured, touching Shinji’s cheek and smiling warmly at him.

“It’s been a year, Ki…I woke up a year ago. And you and Ri were right…it was all okay, and I didn’t die. And it’s good now. Everything’s so good.” He hugged Kippei hard, loving him more than ever before, impossibly so.

“Sorry if I made you worry, just couldn’t sleep and didn’t know why, then I saw the calendar.” He was still smiling brightly.

Kippei hugged him back, kissing him and smiling too. “It has been a year now, hasn’t it,” he mused. It was kind of amazing when he thought about it, how far they had come and how hard they had worked at it, but Shinji was right. They had made it, and it was good. It was all very, very good.

“We should celebrate,” he murmured. “Take Yuni and go on a picnic or something.”

“Hell yeah!” Shinji agreed, but he didn’t bother to move, comfortable where he was. Besides, it was still the early hours of the morning. But he definitely didn’t feel like sleeping.

“Hey…we could go sit in the spa for a while.” They could go naked because Hyun-ki was still asleep. It had been a while since they had some time to themselves.

Rien was all for nakedness of any kind. “That is a fantastic idea,” he agreed, giving Shinji a smacking kiss and scrambling up to find a few towels to take out with them. “You, are a genius.”

Chuckling affectionately, Kippei shook his head and helped Shinji out of the blanket Rien had wrapped him up in.

“C’mon then,” he said, “let’s go.”

“Yes!” Shinji hopped up and hurried out the back, folding his pyjamas and putting them on the table before climbing into the spa, checking the temperature and turning the heat up a little. He fished through the spa storage and found a bottle of muscat, grinning as he held it up for Rien.

“Just a little bit each to celebrate?”

Rien laughed delightedly as he climbed in, nodding his agreement. “Absolutely,” he said, fishing around for the glasses as well and holding them for Shinji to pour.

Kippei followed them more slowly, stopping to check on Yuni and make sure she was still sleeping soundly before he came out to join them.

Shinji was waiting with a glass in hand for him, passing it over when Kippei climbed in, then reaching up to clink their glasses together.

“To being awake. It’s a good feeling.”

“Amen,” Rien agreed, holding up his glass in a silent toast as well and drinking deeply, sighing comfortably as he relaxed in the hot water.

Kippei hummed contentedly as he also took a drink, smiling faintly at the delight still transparent in Shinji’s expression, and feeling completely warm inside.

“Hey Shinji,” he murmured. “We made it.” Not the way they’d always dreamed they would, but in every way that counted. And now they had a Rien, too. Small price to pay in the long run, he was pretty sure.

Shinji just smiled, full strength grinning at Kippei because damn straight they had. He actually thought they had failed, in a way, because they definitely weren’t tennis stars and really, almost every dream they had shared had not come true, but they were still together and they had an amazing family and a cute little unit and garden and amazing spa and really, there was not a thing he could think to complain about save three years he didn’t really need to remember. It was over and done with, he’d made it and it was damn good. He slid in against Kippei, kissing his cheek and still grinning like a fool.

“You promised I’d be okay.” And he was.

Rien watched them silently and hoped like mad he wasn’t going to have to leave again soon, and when he did that nothing serious would happen. He wasn’t so arrogant as to think he would never get hurt – hell, he definitely had before. But he could hope that nothing serious would happen before he finally quit for good – it would have to be soon, he was sure of that.

“We’ll be okay,” he stated, nodding firmly as if that might make it more true.

Shinji nodded in agreement, they were totally going to be fine. He sipped his muscat, humming in pleasure at the soft, sticky texture of it, like syrup sliding down his throat. He felt incredibly good, but a little off, though he figured that was understandable. He was euphoric in the realization he had made it a year…it almost felt like his birthday, now. But he felt uneasy and on edge, as if expecting a train to come out of nowhere and plow him over again.

“Ki…hold on, just for a little bit?”

Casting him a slightly worried glance, Kippei shifted from where he had his arm draped around Shinji’s shoulders and pulled him into his lap instead, tucking him in close and kissing his temple.

“Better?” he asked.

Rien pouted a little because he wasn’t getting cuddles and came over to snuggle in on Kippei’s other side, grinning at Shinji because he looked so damn cute sitting there surrounded by Kippei.

“Better,” Shinji agreed, though he took one look at the look on Rien’s face and rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what was going on in that fool head of his.

“I am not cute. Don’t you dare say it.”

Amused, Rien took another drink of his muscat and looked innocent. “It’s so sexy when you givin’ orders, princess,” he told Shinji in a husky voice, leaning over to lick his cheek. The rather imperious, demanding note in Shinji’s voice just kind of did things to him.

Kippei laughed at him, raising his own drink for a lingering sip and humming in appreciation as it slid over his tongue. Shinji had the best ideas.

A dark blush crept over Shinji’s cheeks and he stayed petulantly silent, not wanting to give Rien any more ideas than he apparently already had. Seriously, the guy was just weird sometimes! Orders were sexy, sure, if they were coming from Kippei. And well, sometimes Rien, only Shinji preferred Rien when he was in one of his goofy playful moods, sort of like an oversized puppy really, not that he was ever going to put that into words! And well, Yuni was cute when she demanded stuff, but only because it was so rare and a sign of how comfortable she was with them.

“You’re a dork,” he settled on instead, sticking his tongue out at Rien.

Rien smirked at him, hoping that someday Shinji might be a little more comfortable with the idea, because it was damn sexy, no matter what Shinji said.

“If you say so,” he answered smartly, reaching over to refill his glass and looking inquiringly at them to see if they wanted more too.

“Hmm…hell yeah. Not like I can’t just sleep all day if I need to sleep it off,” Shinji laughed softly, very much aware he would do no such thing. Somehow the idea of sleeping today didn’t appeal at all. It made him quiet, just thinking to himself as he watched Rien refill his glass for him.

“It was…nice. Waking up and having you there, breathing and clinging and the bed was warm. It was so much better.” Than waking up alone in the dark unable to move with nothing but the heart monitor and breathing apparatus for company.

Kippei let Rien top off his glass too, stroking Shinji’s hair back and kissing his temple in apology, knowing too well what he had left unspoken.

Sighing, Rien set the bottle aside and cradled his glass in his hands as he took another sip.

“It’s hard,” he noted softly, “sleepin’ alone when I’m workin’ somewhere.” He always missed them most when he had to go to sleep in a lonely bed by himself, wondering if they were alright and missing him too.

“Mm…but, it’s weird, don’t you think? I missed having people there, in bed with me, and the bed being warm, and someone breathing near me. I missed all those things, but I lived at home before and I didn’t have those things. It’s like I missed them before I had them. Like I knew what I was missing or something.” Or like Rien had promised it would be okay if he just woke up, and Shinji had actually listened, only to find it wasn’t okay at all. Weird.

“I dunno, Shin,” Kippei sighed, rubbing his back gently, bare skin warm and slick under his hand. “Wish we’d been there for you.” Wished impossible things, really, which did no good to anybody.

“But I’m glad we’re here now,” he added softly. All three of them.

“Yeah,” Shinji agreed, because Kippei took things way too seriously. Shinji wanted to call his dad later and just talk about it, like they had sometimes back in the hospital before he got released. Just to have someone who understood the way he thought and was willing to follow his eccentric trains of thought and still be the voice of reason. He always liked those phone calls home.

“Being here is the best,” he agreed softly.

Rien sat comfortably leaning against them in the hot water, feeling it sink deep into his bones as the muscat warmed his stomach from the inside, musing silently for a few minutes. Shinji was right, things were really good now.

“Need to get your brace fixed yet,” he reminded Shinji after a minute. “Lemme know when you got time off work an’ school, I’ll take you in to get it fitted.”

Excited all over again by the prospect, Shinji contemplated it a little nervously.

“Uh…can Yuni come? I mean, the guy’s not like some psycho assassin or something is he? She’d be okay? Or should we let Mum take her for the day?”

He paused, letting what he had just said sink in and then blinking owlishly at the both of them, because he didn’t mean his own mother, he meant Kimiko.

Rien blinked back at him for a second, not entirely sure what he’d meant, but answering automatically.

“Mmm it’d prob’ly be better if she didn’t come, she’ll get bored, it might take awhile.”

Kippei was looking curiously at Shinji, sure from his expression what he’d meant and finding it odd and yet…not.

“Kimi will be glad to take her,” he pointed out mildly, not quite sure if Shinji was upset or just feeling weird.

Just feeling weird was definitely the thing, but Shinji couldn’t help feeling like he was betraying his real mother. She was crazy, sure, but she had meant well and it had all just been overwhelming love. But Kimiko loved him, and treated him like a normal person, and she accepted all the decisions he made. She was what mothers were supposed to be, and he adored her all the more for it. Besides, she was cute and silly like Rien. Hell, she’d even conspired with him to get laid that one time.

“Yeah…well, I have time on Thursday afternoon, after lunch?”

“That should work,” Rien agreed, flashing him a bright grin. It was always fun for him, finding new ways to spoil them, and making sure Shinji had perfectly custom made archery equipment was only one of them. This time, at least, he wouldn’t have to be as sneaky.

“So Yuni can’t come? That means he really is a creepy old assassin type guy?” Shinji wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but he was also sure Rien wouldn’t take him anywhere he wouldn’t be safe. It was still creepy and he just sat there, staring at Rien a little dumbly.

Rien looked amused. “Told you, he’s just mmm…a contractor. Does a lot of work for us but he ain’t an agent. It’d be okay, maybe, if she came along, but she’d get bored an’ it ain’t really the kinda place for kids. Don’t think he’d like it,” he admitted, because while the man did excellent work he was not a people person, and Rien couldn’t imagine him being anything other than twitchy and uncomfortable around children.

Shinji laughed at that, well able to imagine Hyun-ki getting bored and the small agitated looks she would give them as a result, and some guy who wasn’t used to kids and the looks he would pull. It just amused him now, when he should have been just as disturbed by kids.

“Our lives are funny.”

“That they are,” Rien agreed, completely amused by that fact. Their lives were certainly interesting these days, in ways none of them could have ever expected or predicted.

Kippei snorted softly, reaching over to pull Rien’s hair and ruffle it messily. “Thanks mostly to you,” he noted dryly, amused mainly because of all the things that made their lives so odd and often hilarious, nearly all of them were because of Rien.

“Thanks completely to you,” Shinji snorted. “Bringing home kids and cool parents, and introducing us to weird sports and stuff…” Everything Rien brought into their house was good. They might take offence to it at first, but in the end it was always good.

“Never get hurt,” Shinji scolded him softly. It would kill him if Rien got hurt.

“Don’t plan on it,” Rien assured him, but he knew it wasn’t something he could promise. It only made him more determined than ever to quit as soon as he possibly could. Not that quitting would be easy, but the alternatives were worse.

Shinji eyed him shrewdly, very much aware that wasn’t a promise, and that it wasn’t something Rien could promise. It just made him sigh and hold out his glass for another top up. Muscat wasn’t something you were supposed to drink a lot of, but he loved the taste and he could get drunk at four in the morning if he damn well wanted to. Wasn’t that was university students did?

“Love you, superdork.”

Laughing, Rien stuck his tongue out at him but obligingly topped off his glass again, refilling his own while he was at it.

Kippei shook his head at both of them, raising an eyebrow at Shinji. “What time do you have class tomorrow? Don’t complain to me if you have a hangover,” he said mildly, though the truth was he would baby him until he felt better like he always did, and Shinji knew it.

“I only have two classes and they’re really easy. I already did the three assignments so really I’m just waiting for the test!” Shinji complained. If he was honest, University was boring and way too slow. He liked hanging out with the new friends he had made, but that was really all he was doing. He was contemplating talking to the head of Science and asking if he could take more units next semester. Or maybe just skip a few altogether. Or compress them, or something!

Kippei snorted, amused but a little envious of how easily Shinji was sailing through all his courses. It had never been that easy for him, and even though most of his classwork consisted of reading, he still had to do essays on the covered material and it was the bane of his existence.

“Well, I guess you don’t have to worry then.” Shinji could easily just take the day off and stay home if he wanted to anyway, Rien and Yuni would be delighted.

Shinji grinned, seeing the amusement on Kippei’s face and liking it. There was something about being back at school with Kippei that was just fun. Just what he wanted and needed and there was a future attached to them being there; one that was easy for Shinji to see and soothed all his fears about having no goal for his life.

“I wanna go for archery though. Would suck to lose because I was hungover.”

Rien laughed. “Ren will have your head if you did,” he pointed out, still laughing. He had been coming to watch Shinji’s practices with Yuni as often as could be arranged, and he’d gotten rather fond of Shinji’s archery captain – the guy was weird as all hell, but amusing. It was funny as hell to watch the way he managed his team.

“He would…scary weirdo,” Shinji mumbled, though really he loved Ren. He was nothing like Kippei, which meant Shinji could accept him as a Captain. But he worked as an archery Captain, and he knew the team really well…freakishly well. Shinji thought he was a little too curious and nosey but that was fine when you had nothing to hide.

“So…I was thinking…that, if Doc Hanataki says its okay…we could go to Taiwan? Just, for a little holiday? See how it goes? It’s a short plane trip, and none of us have been…I think?” He had no idea if Rien had been or not, but it wasn’t huge on crime so he doubted it.

Rien blinked at him, a little startled. They had talked about taking a holiday sometime, but he hadn’t expected that it would be anytime soon – thrilled as he was that Shinji was even considering it, he knew Shinji was still nervous about any form of transportation in general, and a plane didn’t really sound like a good idea…but if Shinji wanted to try it, he didn’t suppose there was any harm in letting him.

“Are you cleared to fly already?” Kippei asked him, surprised. It had been a year, after all, but he hadn’t thought the doctors had approved that yet.

“No? I mean, I haven’t asked. I called Naota and he said I should go in for a check up anyway, and that I could ask about it.” He shrugged, having many of the same doubts as Rien about the whole thing. But he wanted to try, wanted the sorts of memories he imagined Rien and Kippei had the few times they had mentioned Milan. That time things had changed for them. Shinji wanted memories like that, or thought he did.

“But, Taiwan’s a good start, right? I mean, it’s really pretty and they have lots of resorts and things, and it’s just a few hours on the plane and stuff.”

“Sounds good to me,” Rien agreed, shrugging. Shinji was right, it wasn’t far and as a holiday it would be an interesting place to go.

Kippei sighed a little, worried but not wanting to dampen their enthusiasm. “If the doctor says it’s fine, then it’s okay with me,” he agreed finally, but he was still going to worry.

Shinji looked up at him and just smiled sadly, knowing he had done nothing at all to give Kippei any sort of confidence that Shinji could handle it. But that was all the more reason to go. Shinji had to get better at this; Akira was right, he couldn’t be this dependant on them, it wasn’t right.

“I want memories like yours. Like Milan and stuff.”

Kippei blinked at him, completely baffled. “Like…Milan?” he asked finally, having no idea what Shinji was referring to. He’d certainly never been to Milan, and he had no clue what kind of memories Shinji was talking about.

Beside him Rien went still, staring at Shinji in confusion and shivering a little, feeling cold in spite of the heat of the water.

“What…kind of memories, exactly?” he asked, and his voice sounded odd even to himself.

“I dunno, you’ve mentioned it a few times. You said…things changed in Milan, that you fell in love there, or something…” He looked from one to the other and realised they had no idea what he was talking about, blushing furiously as a result.

“After,” Rien muttered in a strangled voice. “Things changed…after.” Sort of.

“Shinji,” Kippei said slowly, not entirely sure how he’d managed to get this idea in the first place, “I’ve never been to Milan.” He shot a worried look at Rien, who was still tense and trying not to shiver.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Rien managed after a minute, sliding further down in the water with his eyes closed. “I’m fine.”

Kippei snorted, taking both his glass and Rien’s and setting them aside, kissing Shinji’s temple as he nudged him off his lap, getting up to reach for the nearby towels and draping one over Rien’s head.

“Come on,” he sighed, tugging on Shinji’s hand and pushing Rien’s shoulder until he moved. “Let’s go back to bed.”

“You…what?” Shinji blinked at them both, because they had said after Milan, and he realised they had never said ‘while we were in Milan’. Which meant Milan had been a mission, and by the sounds of it the memories it brought up weren’t the sort Shinji had assumed at all. He felt immediately guilty, and completely lost, so he just let Kippei tug him back inside and down the hallway and crawled into bed, feeling almost as lost as Rien looked.

“You…you’ve never been to Milan? They have tennis there, so I just thought…”

Kippei shook his head. “No, it wasn’t – I wasn’t there, for that one.” He pushed Rien down in the middle of the bed and crawled in on the other side, reaching across to tug Shinji closer so they could cuddle him between them.

Sighing a little, feeling like he should insist a little harder that he was okay but not really wanting to, Rien buried his face against Kippei’s chest and relaxed into their arms, feeling the warmth finally seeping back in.

“Was just a bad mission, Shin,” he mumbled tiredly. “Nothing special, ‘cept Ki felt sorry for me when I got back.” Or something, he wasn’t entirely sure what had caused Kippei’s attitude to suddenly – or so it seemed to him – soften and come close to loving, or at least gentle, right then, but he’d been too grateful to question it, and after that, it hadn’t mattered.

Shinji stared at both of them, looking at the way Rien instinctively leaned in for Kippei’s support and he sighed heavily, pinching Rien’s bum.

“It’s never ‘just’ a bad mission, idiot. Bad is bad, its never just…” He sighed, rubbing his head and trying to find the right words. “I thought you were there for tennis, and you guys, I dunno…fell in love, or something.”

Rien snorted softly – he would have laughed, but he was afraid it might come out rather hysterical.

“I dunno how you come up with that,” he noted wryly. “I ain’t even thought he really loved me at all, till you woke up an’ he…didn’t leave.” He’d been as stunned as anyone else – including Kippei himself, apparently – that Kippei hadn’t immediately broken up with him when he finally had Shinji back.

“It wasn’t like that,” Kippei agreed softly, stroking Rien’s wild tangle of hair and giving Shinji a wry smile. “He was just…pretty messed up, when he came back, and I…” He shrugged, not entirely sure how to put into words what he’d felt or why he’d wanted to comfort with unexpected tenderness when he hadn’t realised that his feelings were slowly changing.

“I didn’t know why, then,” he admitted, “but I didn’t want to just ignore it or treat him the way I usually did. I wanted to…help, somehow, give him something he needed that was gentler than – our usual forms of communication,” he finished dryly, aware that Shinji didn’t really understand that either, but not feeling up to explaining it.

“I didn’t just suddenly fall in love with him then, didn’t know that I had until after you woke up, but…maybe it was when I started to.”

Rien was silent, more than happy for Kippei to do the explaining, and hoping Shinji didn’t ask exactly what had made the mission ‘bad’. Kippei had never asked, and he would just as soon not tell either one of them in any detail. For one thing, it would mean he would have to think about it again.

Shinji stared at both of them, and really didn’t know what to think. There was a lot not being said, or being said in a roundabout manner and he struggled not to accuse them outright of lying, because they weren’t. But they were hiding things and it annoyed him, and he had trouble with it for a few minutes before he forced himself to relax and think about it seriously.

“…What was the mission?” He asked finally, in a very quiet voice, knowing Rien wouldn’t want to talk about it, but needing him to take it seriously. He couldn’t understand if he didn’t know what they were talking about.

Kippei looked down uneasily as Rien tensed up again, and gave Shinji a troubled look over the top of his head. The little that Rien had told him had made him pretty sure he didn’t want details, and he really doubted that Shinji did either, but after all their issues with secrets it was hard to say.

Shivering, Rien finally shook his head, trying to find some kind of words but not even knowing where to start, and definitely not wanting to say everything out loud in any case.

“I can’t,” he said finally, pulling away and sitting up, running his fingers through his hair and squeezing his eyes shut. “I just…I. Can’t talk about this right now, or. I don’t know. I could try to write it for you, but.” He shook his head again, wishing he could shake out the memories and climbing off the bed to get dressed, finding a pair of jeans and a tshirt and a hoodie and pulling them on, hugging himself and feeling marginally less freaked out now that he wasn’t naked.

“I’m sorry, Shinji,” he said in a soft, unsteady voice. “Ki can…tell you what he knows, but I just. I need. Some time, okay.” He shivered again, feeling miserable and wishing he could give Shinji what he wanted but not really wanting to relive those memories again, like ever.

Shinji just stared, mind boggling, because he had never seen Rien – Rien of all people! go and put clothes on to feel better. Rien loved being naked, and it was usually Shinji running off to get dressed. Seeing the role reversal slammed home just how hard it must be for Rien, and just how bad the mission must have been. He pulled into himself, biting his lower lip as he thought about it some more, trying to get his own thoughts straight as well before he sighed and flopped over onto the pillows, hugging Kiri tight.

“It doesn’t matter, probably better if I don’t know. I just…I mean, you’ve told me before that it was bad, and I guess I just figured Kippei was there, actually in Milan because you said you used him as a cover sometimes and I knew there was tennis there as well. Actually, I don’t know why I came to that conclusion at all, I guess it was pretty stupid, but I know how Kippei gets when someone’s that upset and I just put them together that way. Was stupid of me…” And not usually a mistake he made, except that it was Kippei and Rien and he wasn’t exactly rational when it came to them.

Kippei smiled faintly and pulled him close to cuddle him, kissing his hair. There were so many things Shinji didn’t know, didn’t understand about the time before he’d woken up, but they were hard things to explain when Shinji really had no concept of them at all.

“Can I…” Rien was still standing beside the bed, fidgeting restlessly from foot to foot. “I kind of, want to go for a walk an’ just…clear m’head a bit, kay? Not like, runnin’ away or anythin’…” He looked anxiously at Shinji, not wanting him to take it the wrong way but just needing to get out and move for awhile.

“Was gonna ask if you wanted to go for a walk,” Shinji laughed softly, because it was what he always wanted. “You want company? Kippei could go, and I can stay with Yuni…or whatever?” He wasn’t sure what Rien wanted, but knew Kippei would be better at not asking every fool question that popped into his head. Shinji had a million questions and was struggling not to ask them.

“Nah, it’s okay,” Rien answered, looking relieved. “I’ll just, um, I’ll be back soon,” he assured them, and Kippei waved him away.

“Go, go, take your phone and go to the park and swing or something,” he ordered. He knew Rien didn’t really want company, would rather work things out in his head by himself.

Rien gave them both a grateful look and did as he was told, making sure he had his phone before he headed out to grab his shoes and leave the house as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Yuni.

“Well, that was exciting,” Kippei said wryly, giving Shinji a rueful smile after Rien had gone. “Wanna come sit in front of the fire and drink hot chocolate with me?”

“God, yes,” Shinji gasped, grateful that Kippei knew him so well, knew what they all needed and hoping Kippei needed the same and not something he couldn’e give. He crawled out of bed and grabbed some clothes of his own; comfortable track pants and one of his archery team shirts, pulling them on quickly and hurrying out to the kitchen, dumping Kiri on the couch on his way before he put the kettle on. It felt good just to have something to do, even just making hot chocolate.

Kippei chuckled as he followed, getting dressed similarly before he followed Shinji out to the kitchen, giving him a brief hug and kiss before he went to build a small fire, and find a couple of blankets they could sit on the couch and snuggle in. He knew Shinji still had a lot of questions, and he thought it was probably a good idea if he explained as much as he could, but there was no reason they couldn’t be cozy and warm at the same time.

He grinned as Shinji brought in the hot chocolate, reaching for one of them and holding up the blanket so Shinji could slip in under it beside him.

“C’mere, you,” he said affectionately, pleased with how well Shinji had handled their emotional disturbance tonight and wanting to cuddle him to make up for it.

“I love you,” Shinji blurted out as soon as he was settled in against Kippei’s side, and then he was silent, not really sure why he’d said it. Then he sighed as he thought about it, because he really was insane.

“I don’t…I don’t know the you who was here when I wasn’t. I don’t. Rien talks about it, and it’s not you.” And he didn’t really want to know that Kippei, because he would have to accept responsibility on some level for why that Kippei existed.

Kippei sighed. “I was…kind of insane then,” he admitted. “I guess it wasn’t really me, or it was me without you, because you’re all the best parts of me anyway. I’m not really…that good of a person, Shinji. I’m not very nice when I don’t have you…keeping me. I wasn’t very nice before I met you, and I wasn’t very nice while you were gone, and it doesn’t say much for me but that’s the way it is. I need you, or I’m not me, or at least I’m not the me I want to be.”

Shinji shivered, wondering what he would be like without Kippei and not really able to imagine it, but that was the whole point. It was funny, in a way, and yet not. But it was just the way they were, and it wasn’t like everyone didn’t know it.

“It’s okay. We need each other, that’s not a bad thing. It just…it means I don’t really get it. Even when you explain things to me, they don’t make sense and my head jumps to other conclusions sometimes, like the Milan thing, because the other options just don’t seem possible. I don’t know that you…I don’t know that Rien. I like the ones I know now.”

Kippei hugged him and kissed the top of his head. “I know,” he murmured. “I wish we could explain it better, just so… you don’t make those kind of assumptions and we end up all confused and stuff.  I’m just not very good at talking about – well, anything,” he admitted sheepishly.

“But if you want to ask me stuff, I’ll try to tell you as much as I know, okay? About what happened, I mean.”

“I dunno…I just, what makes a bad mission, or a good mission? If he had to sleep with people I woulda thought that would make them all bad. I don’t really see how a mission could be good at all! And why was this one so much worse than all the others? I don’t…I feel stupid because I don’t know anything.”

Kippei sighed, trying to think where to start, how to explain something so unexplainable to Shinji, who had never had any experience of sex other than in a close, loving relationship, and couldn’t imagine anything else, much less enjoying it.

“When I met him,” he said finally, “I didn’t really know what he did. I figured it out kind of gradually, from little things mostly and the weird schedule and just…I don’t know. We never really talked about things, not any kind of things, but especially that. I asked him once if he was…I don’t remember how I put it, and he didn’t really say yes so much as he didn’t deny it, but I gathered that he made a living at seducing people or sleeping with them for money or something like that, along with some kind of espionage or undercover something or other, and that was good enough for me – I didn’t know if it was the government or the mafia or some corporate thing or even the police, and I…”

He hesistated, shrugging a little, but if he didn’t tell Shinji the truth as he felt it, if Shinji felt he was leaving things out or fudging on the details, it would only make things worse.

“I didn’t really care at that point,” he sighed. “It wasn’t like…you and me. He was like, a nuisance that wouldn’t go away and I was mad at him for a long time, even after I started caring about him, and I didn’t think that I really wanted to know stuff like where he’d been or come from, what he did when he wasn’t bothering me, whatever. He just kind of…wriggled his way into my life and wouldn’t go away, but I kept trying to push him out or at least, keep him at arm’s length or something.”

He was probably going a lot farther back than he needed to, here, but Shinji also didn’t understand why it had been so unexpected for Rien when this had happened and Kippei had reacted the way he did, taking care of him – which Shinji just thought was normal, but it had never been normal for him and Rien before that, not really after it either, and Kippei thought it might help if he tried to explain it as best he could, not that he really thought he was doing a good job of it.

It made no sense to Shinji, that Kippei and that situation and not wanting to know every little thing. But he understood one thing, and that was the need to be left alone. That small but all consuming little madness that screamed at you to retreat and push everything away, because then maybe you wouldn’t remember that everything had changed and you wouldn’t have to deal with it. That Shinji understood perfectly. It made him sad and he curled in against Kippei’s side, sipping his hot chocolate and wishing he had anything at all to say, but this was Kippei and Rien, and he had no part in it other than sleeping like the dead.

“You really never…” He shook his head because he already knew the answer. “It wasn’t like with me.” And that was the only experience of anything Shinji had. “You really didn’t care? That he slept with other people? For money?”

“I didn’t really…think about it much, but I guess…mostly, yeah, I didn’t care. By the time I had enough feelings for him that I might have cared, I already had guessed enough about it to know that he was working, somehow, that the results of what he was doing were fairly important and that was just…part of it. It was a job, and I didn’t really feel like I had any right to object anyway.”

Not that any of that made a whole lot of sense, to someone with Shinji’s experience. Kippei sighed again and took another drink of his hot chocolate, resting his cheek against Shinji’s hair and staring into the fire.

“We never…not until you woke up, we never said anything like, love or any kind of committment or anything. He started calling himself my boyfriend at some point and I just kind of let him so it just…went on from there, but we were both, I guess, pretending it was just a casual thing. Nothing serious. At least, I was, and I think he did because he knew I needed it that way.” Because whenever he had to face any clear evidence to the contrary, like say, their first anniversary, he’d had some kind of breakdown and Rien would have to pick up the pieces.

Shinji was quiet for a long time, because he understood, mostly, but he couldn’t understand. It wasn’t something he would ever know, or experience, not something he could likely ever face. The decisions Kippei had made, or not made, were unique to him, and Rien…well, he was weird enough for just about anything and being confused by his decisions didn’t surprise Shinji at all. But it hurt his pride a little that there was something he really couldn’t properly grasp.

“I get what you’re saying. But I don’t understand…it’s not in me. None of that…none of the things that brought you together or helped you make those decisions or anything…they’re not in me.”

Kippei chuckled a little, half a snort. “That’s a good thing, believe me. I just want you to know that… Rien doesn’t understand either, what it was like for us. He’s never had the kind of thing we had before, not with anyone, and this we have now, with the three of us, it’s different too.” He bit his lip, trying to think of a good way to put it.

“You and Rien are both on opposite sides of…kind of a wall of perception that you can’t really cross. You can explain it to each other, or you can try, but he’s never going to really understand where you’re coming from, anymore than you understand what I’m telling you now. Even when you know, you can’t really know it, the difference that makes some of the things so incomprehensible to you. And your view of it, the way you imagined it would be instead, makes just as little sense to him. It was never like that for us, before you, and he mostly associates the way I am now with you. It would never occur to him to think that I could have been the way I am now with him, if you had never existed,” Kippei noted a bit sadly.

“And that’s maybe true, because I can’t imagine being who I am now if I never had you. You’re so much a part of me and you’ve been for so long that I don’t even know who I’d be or could have been if I’d never had you. Really I don’t want to know that, either.”

That made perfect sense and Shinji grinned, finishing off his cup and putting it aside so he could move in closer and kiss Kippei, hot and hungry and filled with the same, old familiar emotion he’d always felt around Kippei. It was true, he and Rien just didn’t get where each other were coming from, but they each understood where they were now and Shinji liked to think that was all that mattered.

“Well…we can still make cool memories in Taiwan, right? With all four of us.”

“You bet,” Kippei agreed, laughing a little as he put his own cup aside and pulled Shinji into his lap, kissing him back with just as much fervent warmth and need. “Love you, Shinji, love you so much. Never want to stop making new memories with you, with all of us, better and better all the time.” He ran his fingers through Shinji’s hair again, over and over, loving the familiar sensation of silken strands rippling and clinging to his fingers like some kind of unearthly beautiful water.

“You know,” he said after a minute, “the kind of memories you were talking about, that you thought we had…really I think the closest any of us have come to that was our honeymoon,” he noted, rather amused by that fact. “That was awesome, but I’m sure we can do better than that. So Taiwan it is.”

“Ah, no way am I telling Yoshi he’s part of the best memories of my life!” Shinji objected, but he was laughing, agreeing completely. No worries, no cares, nothing but them and how much he adored them. It made him smile, remembering all the little things that had made it so special.

“There is no better,” Shinji whispered softly, as though it were a secret. “You, me and Ri…that’s as good as it gets.”

He himself had to deal with work to some extent as well, but he ignored it as much as possible because he was already reluctant to think about when he might have to go away again. He would never have dreamed of himself becoming a homebody, but his little family was wrapped tightly around his heartstrings now, and he would just as soon never have to leave them again.

Every time his little girl smiled at him, every time Shinji kissed him, every time Kippei looked at him with that deep warmth that said he understood even if he didn’t, his heart felt so full that it felt like it was breaking, and it was completely ridiculous to expect him to leave them behind so often, wasn’t it?

He laughed softly at himself as he stood contemplating this again for the hundredth time, and decided that if he was going to aspire to be a soccer mom then he should do it right.

“Hey, princess, wanna go see Shinji?” he asked Hyun-ki, smiling as he watched her eyes light up and her small hands clasped pleadingly as she nodded.

“Shinji!” she agreed eagerly, and Rien chuckled softly, finding her jacket and bundling her up, checking the time to see if they should take the long way or the longer way in order to arrive exactly when Shinji had archery practice, so they could watch.

“Ready?” he asked her as he carefully zipped her up, pulling her hair free so none of it got tangled in the zipper.

“Go go go go!!” she answered impatiently, tugging on his sleeve with cheeks flushed with excitement. Rien laughed as he swung her up on his shoulders and headed for the door.

Shinji was tired, cranky because he hadn’t been able to see Kippei all day and his morning class on crystals just made him think of Kippei and Rien and Yuni and made him homesick as hell. He’d managed to steal a ten minute break near Kippei’s classes but Kippei had been talking to a professor and Shinji hadn’t wanted to interrupt so he’d gone on to his next class. By the time archery came around he was tempted to just call Rien and ask him to come take him home, only his sense of duty to the team driving him to actually go.

Once he was geared up and had a few shots he felt better; calmer and more centered and he looked over at Kaneda and grinned, thoroughly delighted when he hit the center of the target each time.

Kaneda smiled wryly back, having gotten resigned to the way Shinji made the rest of them look bad all the time. It wasn’t like he did it on purpose, and he was so transparently thrilled by every shot, like he couldn’t quite believe it himself, that it was hard to grudge him anything.

Still, it made taking his own turn slightly depressing, and he stepped back and looked around while he waited for Ren to holler at him.

“Hey,” he murmured, frowning slightly in puzzlement. “Hey Shinji,” he said louder, half turning to get his attention as he gestured toward the side of the field. “Isn’t that your….” Whatever he was.

Startled by the question, Shinji turned to look and then let out an excited cry, rushing over the field to where Rien was standing with Hyun-ki, the two of them waving. He shoved his bow into Rien’s hands and took Hyun-ki, hugging her tight and looking from one to the other excitedly.

“What are you two doing here? It’s not hometime yet…I still have a half hour of training left.”

“Yeah,” Rien agreed comfortably, pleased with himself. That was the point, after all. “We came to watch,” he explained, though really, did that need explaining? It was kind of obvious he thought, but Shinji clearly hadn’t expected it. Rien grinned and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“You look beautiful,” he noted randomly, because it was always worth noting. Shinji actually looked fantastic right now, with his cheeks pink from exercise and his eyes shining with suprise and delight, hair a bit mussed and flyaway but yeah – fantastic, and sexy too.

“How’s it goin’?

Shinji flushed a dark red at the compliment and kissed Hyun-ki’s cheek to hide his embarrassment but inside he was thrilled. He had wanted to see them all day and here they were, sooner than he had been expecting. He grinned and motioned over to the stands where they could watch more closely and headed over.

“It’s good! Started off feeling a bit off but I feel good now. Hit all my targets so far. Here, this is the Captain of our team, Ren.”

Ren just grinned and reached out to shake Rien’s hand, delighted to be getting to meet the little family Shinji was always mumbling about.

Rien nodded at the odd looking kid, shaking his hand and studying him curiously. Interesting didn’t begin to cover it; plain weird might work better, but he seemed like a nice enough guy.

“Nice to meetcha,” he said with a friendly grin. “We jus’ came t’ watch Shin practice, if that’s okay… we’ll sit there out of the way,” he assured the captain, not wanting the man to tell him they couldn’t stay. He was pretty sure both Yuni and Shinji would be rather heartbroken if so.

“Come see Shinji,” Hyun-ki agreed excitedly, hugging Shinji’s neck and kissing his cheek too. “Is okay, Yuni can stay?” she asked pleadingly, a touch of worry entering her eyes as she looked back and forth between them and glanced warily at Ren, finding him rather scary.

Ren just grinned at them all, studying them shrewdly and nodding his agreement, ushering them over to where Shinji had put his bags in the bunkers.

“Of course, of course! People are always welcome to come watch; helps give the team a feeling of the sort of pressure they’re under at comps.” Not to mention gave him the opportunity to spy on family members of his team. This little family was by far the most interesting though.

Shinji was just too delighted by them being there to think anything else of the visit, taking Hyun-ki over to his bags and digging out some cheese and crackers he hadn’t eaten so she had something to nibble on while she watched.

“Yuni can stay,” he told her quietly, just in case she wasn’t sure. “Shinji always wants Yuni to stay.”

She beamed at him and settled down in Rien’s lap to watch, listening seriously as Rien explained to her what Shinji was doing, although she probably wasn’t understanding more than half of what he was saying. It was too cute though and Rien just grinned at Shinji and waved every time he caught his eye, making sure Yuni at least knew when to jump up and clap and cheer because Shinji made another shot.

“Yay, Shinji!” they shouted together, faces bright and happy as they waved. Shinji was totally cool, and he was theirs.

Shinji knew he was red, skin flushed with a strange mix of excitement, embarrassment and joy, but he couldn’t stop blushing any more than he could stop smiling. Every time he hit the target just right they would cheer and the sound went straight to his heart. It only made him shoot straighter, paying more attention and going for the really hard shots, crowing in delight whenever it hit the mark.

When he was finally done, his hands were blistering and his arms ached horribly, but he hadn’t felt so good in a while. He rushed over to kiss Hyun-ki’s cheek breathlessly and held out his arms for Rien to get the braces off, because he just couldn’t be bothered himself when Rien could do it for him.

“God, that was so cool! I’m so glad you two came…thanks, Ri, I know it was your idea. Thanks so much!”

Rien grinned at him and leaned over to steal a kiss as he unfastened the braces, rather delighted with the color in his cheeks.

“So, that mean we can come again, yeah?” he asked hopefully, and Yuni fixed him with an equally hopeful look from her big brown eyes, dancing from foot to foot as she waited for Rien to finish getting Shinji out of his gear so she could hug him.

“Come again,” she begged, nodding emphatically and making her carefully styled hair threaten to fall apart. Rien had gotten fancy with it today, and it wasn’t quite as secure as sometimes.

Shinji grinned down at her and looked curiously over at Ren, not sure if it was allowed as a regular thing but Ren was just waving his arm at him and nodding so Shinji snatched his hands free of the braces and swept Hyun-ki up into a tight hug, nuzzling her cheek.

“Yeah, Yuni can come watch again. Come again Yuni.”

Ren was just fascinated. Rien didn’t look that old, but apparently he was and they really did have a kid and it was just so interesting he was afraid his brain was going to explode thinking about it. He hurried over to Kaneda, poking him in the side.

“What do you think?”

Kaneda had no idea what to think, still stunned by the fact that Shinji’s husband – one of his husbands! – and his daughter! – amazingly incredibly cute little girl, had come to watch Shinji and cheer him on. It was a little surreal.

“He’s married,” he noted blankly. “With a kid!” He shook his head, both awed and incredulous.

Ren was nodding with a rather ridiculous grin on his face as Shinji wandered over to them, Hyun-ki on his hip, rocking her gently before pointing at first Ren and then Kaneda, introducing them.

“This is Captain Ren, and this is Kaneda. Say hi, Yuni.”

She buried her face in Shinji’s neck, peeking through her fingers at the scary man.

“Hi,” she whispered, clinging to Shinji uneasily and swallowing hard. “Shinji yay, good!” she told him seriously, wanting him to understand how lucky he was to have Shinji doing things for him.

Ren grinned at her and reached out to shake her hand gently, nodding in agreement.

“Shinji yay, great!” He corrected because having Shinji on the team was awesome. He pushed the others to work harder and the team already had higher morale than last year because Shinji was impossible not to get along with. He was intrigued though because the girl clearly spoke another language as her mother tongue, and he wondered where they had adopted her from and how. Three gay men with a child was certainly not, in any way, normal.

“It’s nice to meet you, Yuni.”

Shinji smiled, quietly delighted to be able to introduce his family to his archery captain, and pleased Hyun-ki hadn’t completely flaked in terror and was instead talking to them.

Hyun-ki just nodded, relieved that the man had understood and Shinji was happy and nobody was upset with her after she’d dared to speak up. She hugged Shinji tighter and laid her head on his shoulder with a little sigh, feeling drowsy now that she was comfortable and content, ready to take a nap in Shinji’s arms.

Rien chuckled softly and gestured toward the field. “You gotta go back out there, babe, shift ‘er over here an’ I take care of her for you.”

Entirely reluctantly, Shinji handed her over, running a hand through the parts of her hair that weren’t tied up and smiling a little sadly because it was ridiculous how attached he was to her, and how badly it would hurt if she didn’t like him. He sighed and went out to help with the clean up, fetching their arrows and collecting his own in his quiver, amused when they had to go hunting behind the targets for the strays. He never really understood how arrows ended up behind the target, but whatever.

They were just about done with clean up when a shadow caught Shinji’s eye and he gave up any pretense of helping with the rest and bolted across the field, ignoring Ren’s shout of annoyance because if someone had been firing he would have gotten shot, absorbed in the sight of Kippei standing by the gates. He flung himself at him, hugging him hard and inhaling the scent of him.

“Rien and Yuni are here! They came and watched!”

Kippei had headed for the archery practice as soon as his class was over, nearly as desperate to see Shinji as Shinji was to see him, after almost an entire day without their usual contacts.

He hugged Shinji back hard, almost bruisingly tight, burying his face in his hair and breathing in deep of the sweet, slightly tangy scent that was Shinji, heating his blood and soothing deep in his soul.

“Missed you,” he said finally, softly stroking Shinji’s hair. “Love you so much, angel, god so much.”

“Me too,” Shinji sighed breathlessly, feeling more grounded now that he could touch Kippei and know he was okay and just reconnect in a way he’d been needing all day. “Missed you like crazy and I love you.” He dropped back on his heels and looked up at him, smiling and just incredibly happy to see him.

“I hit all my targets. Yuni and Rien cheered.”

“Cheered?” Kippei asked bemusedly, looking around and blinking in confusion when he saw them sitting in the stands, now getting up and heading their way.

“They came to watch you?” he asked rhetorically, grinning a little. That was just plain adorable, that was. “They are so cute,” he murmured amusedly under his breath, just quiet enough to pass before they got within earshot.

“Mmhm,” Shinji agreed, hanging off Kippei’s arm and smiling as Rien and Hyun-ki came over as well. It was plain adorable, having family come and watch him play archery; it felt like the times Sada had come to watch him play tennis, only better somehow.

Ren eyed the quartet in fascination, poking at Kaneda and pointing out various things, like the way Shinji attached himself so firmly to Kippei, in a way they had never dared at high school but people had guessed at. And the way Kippei seemed to favour one leg now, as if he had hurt the other. And the way the pair looked at their older lover and child, and just so many little details.

“They’re fascinating!”

Kaneda thought they were weird – nice people but extremely weird. He had to admit they were – well, he wouldn’t use the word fascinating, but they were definitely interesting. He liked having Shinji for a friend, and it was curious to see this other part of his life, his family, although it was a little embarrassing when they were so obviously completely absorbed in each other.

Blushing, Kaneda looked away as the little girl threw herself at Shinji again and the other two were kissing again, in a way that didn’t quite seem to be decent for doing in public. Really, were they going to make out here at the field in front of everyone?

“Guess so,” he sighed, knowing that Ren’s fascination meant he would be poking at them and wanting to get to know them better, which most likely meant rather inappropriate behavior, and naturally he would drag Kaneda along for it. So, if those older men were upset by it – a good possibility since they both seemed very protective of Shinji – then he was going to get the shit beaten out of him too. Joy.

“What are you gonna do?” he asked finally, not without deep misgivings but curious in spite of himself.

“Oh nothing…for now. But camp is going to be so much more interesting this year,” Ren grinned, thrilled by the idea. He knew he could guilt trip Shinji into coming, but what happened as a result was what he really wanted to see. Shinji didn’t look ready to give up his family for the week they always took for camp, and his family didn’t seem any more ready to lose him for that period of time. Fascinating was an understatement, really.

But Shinji knew nothing of camp and for now was completely content.

“Can we go home now? I want a milkshake so bad. And a massage…I totally deserve a massage after that.”

Rien chuckled, taking Yuni back from Shinji and swinging her up on his shoulders again, carrying her like a little monkey and grinning at Shinji as Kippei took his bag and wrapped an arm around him, tugging him away to follow Rien.

“Absolutely, princess. I give you a massage anytime you damn well please,” he noted, eyes twinkling a bit wickedly with the thought that a good massage could just as easily turn into sex, and in any case like he was ever going to turn down a chance to get his hands on Shinji, sex or no sex.

Shinji grinned knowingly, more than happy for it to turn into that later, after Hyun-ki was in bed. But for now he was looking forward to dinner and a spa and a massage and maybe a movie before bed.

“So glad you came to watch,” he grinned again, waving at the team as they left and wandered down to the carpark. “Makes it more interesting with you there.”

“We come as often as we can,” Rien promised cheerfully, “right, Yuni? Go see Shinji playing Robin Hood lots?”

“Go see Shinji,” she agreed firmly, nodding, looking down at him from her perch high on Rien’s shoulders and smiling bright and happy, her eyes shining with delight and excitement.

Kippei chuckled. “Robin Hood, is it?” But it was cute, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Shinji ended up with a new nickname sooner or later. Rien seemed to love making them up for the people he cared about. Likely he got it from his mother, Kippei thought wryly.

Blinking, Shinji just stood beside the car and laughed hard for a few minutes before clambering in so they could get going. Robin Hood was it? Well, he liked it more than some of the other nicknames Rien came up with, like Little Bird…that still made no sense whatsoever.

“What did you get up to all day?” He asked Kippei seriously. “I saw you talking to a Professor?”

Kippei blinked at him, puzzled. “You did? I didn’t see you…you didn’t come in?” He felt a bit crestfallen, having wanted to see Shinji all day but he hadn’t had time to look for him, and here Shinji had come to see him after all but hadn’t even said hello.

“It wasn’t that important, just a project I’m doing for extra credit,” he sighed, shrugging.

“…oh.” It had looked important, but knowing it wasn’t really just made Shinji wish he’d had the guts to interrupt. But the professors intimidated him more than he liked to admit, and he really didn’t want to piss anyone off and have Kippei get in trouble for it.

“…well that sucks.”

Kippei easily read the regret in Shinji’s expression, and oddly it made him feel better. He grinned a little as he climbed into the back seat with Shinji, letting Rien put Yuni up front, next to him.

“It’s okay,” he told Shinji reassuringly. At least Shinji had wanted to come see him, and it was kind of cute that he’d been worried about interrupting something important. As if anything was going to be more important to Kippei than Shinji.

“Next time just…don’t worry about it. I won’t ever be doing something so important that I wouldn’t want you to come and at least say hi.”

“Okay…” Shinji wasn’t sure that was really okay, but for now he was going to take Kippei at his word. Neither of them were at a point where college was all that important. They weren’t doing a thesis or anything, so he supposed that it really was okay, for now. Besides, he thought he might go mad if he had too many days where he didn’t get to see Kippei at all.

“Love you. I missed you heaps. I just thought…I didn’t want to be a pain.” Kippei and Rien had both warned him about taking too much advantage of the school allowing him to sit in on Kippei’s classes, and he was really trying hard to only do it when he thought he really would snap if he didn’t get to.

Kippei had never actually warned him of that in so many words – he’d worried about it a little, when school had first started, but he’d known that mentioning it to Shinji would be a bad idea, since Shinji would take it to mean that he should never take advantage of it if he could avoid it, and more than likely would end up pushing himself too far.

If he’d known that Shinji had picked up on it anyway, he would have felt terrible, but as it was all he could do was reassure him to the opposite.

“You’re never a pain, Shinji. I always want to see you, I don’t mind, ever. I miss you too when I don’t see you all day,” he admitted. It was hard on both of them, having to be separated for school, and maybe that meant they were both too dependent but it didn’t matter, it worked for them and he just wanted Shinji to know he could come anytime. It wasn’t like Kippei was going to scold him for it, or interrogate him to make sure he really had needed to come.

“Love you,” Shinji murmered softly, flopping sideways into Kippei’s lap and settling there, warm and comfortable, not wanting to move and not having to. It made him smile, to know Kippei wanted him there as badly as he needed to be there, right at Kippei’s side as often as possible.

When they got home he sighed heavily and sat up with reluctance, smiling wryly at their little house-like complex and climbing out but waiting patiently for Kippei, wanting to stay close.

Kippei wrapped an arm around him as they headed into the house, smiling faintly and pleased as always to have Shinji right where he belonged, as close as possible.

Following them with Yuni in his arms, Rien grinned at the two of them looking almost literally joined at the hip, and pointed them out to Yuni with a faint smirk.

“Ain’t they cute, darlin’?”

“Love Shinji and Papa-Ki!” she agreed, nodding her head against his shoulder. She didn’t understand the cute part, but seeing them close and together like that made her feel warm and safe, and she smiled happily at the sight.

“Love Yuni,” Shinji agreed, looking over his shoulder at her and grinning, always determined to make sure she felt happy and safe. He squeezed Kippei’s hand and wandered in to rummage through the fridge, finding some apple slices and munching on them while he studied what he assumed was Rien’s preparation for their dinner. He had no idea what it was, he just knew he was hungry.

“Can we eat soon? I’m starving!”

“Soon,” Rien told him amusedly, handing Yuni off to Kippei and coming over to get started on dinner. “Bout half an hour maybe, if y’wanna get cleaned up first it should be about ready then?” He knew Shinji often liked to take a shower and change when he got home from school, especially when he’d had archery practice and gotten all sweaty doing that. Rien figured that would give him just enough time to finish getting dinner on the table.

“Awesome!” Shinji was already striding through to their bedroom, determined to have a hot shower before dinner and get squeaky clean. He hesitated and went back to give Hyun-ki a soft kiss on the cheek before rushing out of the room entirely.

The shower was hot and exactly what he wanted, his skin a rosy red when he got out and hunted through the closet for some clothes, finding a pair of soft silk thai-styled trousers Rien must have bought him at some point and a plain shirt to put on, laughing at himself in the mirror because he looked like he was staying at a swanky resort, not relaxing at home though he supposed the relaxed part of it was the same. He left his hair down, wandering back out to find Kippei with Hyun-ki in his lap doing a puzzle at the table while Rien quick-stepped around the kitchen. He didn’t think any resort in the world could make him as relaxed as his family did anyway.

“It smells awesome,” he pointed out softly, going to sit beside Kippei at the table, stroking a hand reflexively down Hyun-ki’s hair, just needing to touch and reassure both her and himself.

“Mhmm,” Kippei agreed, a bit absently as he focused on helping Hyun-ki finding pieces to fit in. He leaned closer to Shinji all the same, automatically seeking the warmth of him and the sense of peace that came from having him right there.

Slightly amused, Rien moved easily around them as he set the table and brought over the dishes of food, arranging everything to suit his sense of artistry and then tsking at them to stop with the puzzle making and get ready to eat.

“Hands, go wash ‘em!” he ordered sternly. Hyun-ki went dashing off to wash up immediately, but Kippei tilted his head and merely smirked at him for a minute, prompting Rien to smack him upside the head. “Go!” he tried to growl, although it was kind of hard when Kippei was looking at him like that, and Kippei finally moved to follow Yuni, chuckling to himself in a way that was really, unfairly sexy.

Rien sighed disgustedly and dropped into a chair across from Shinji. “How come he’s still so sexy when he’s bein’ that annoying,” he muttered plaintively.

“Because he’s annoyingly sexy?” Shinji countered, rolling up the puzzle mat and carefully putting it aside for later, clearing the table for dinner and setting out the placemats before fetching a bottle of wine and some juice for Hyun-ki. Then he sighed and sat down, looking a little more seriously at Rien across the table. Seeing Hyun-ki at school had only reminded him that they had to do something now, not later when people learned her name and asked questions.

“We have to change her name. People are starting to meet her…”

Rien nodded. “Yeah, I know, princess – sooner better’n later.” He reached over for Shinji’s hand and squeezed it, a warm soft smile playing across his face as he looked at Shinji over the table.

“I take care of it, don’  you worry none.” He didn’t want Shinji to ever have to worry about things like that.

Kippei came back in a moment later with Yuni in his arms, giggling as he tickled her before he let her go, helping her into her seat and then taking his own, sniffing appreciatively at the delicious smells of the meal.

“Mmmm…how much of your day did you spend on this?” he asked Rien teasingly.

Shinji grinned at that, but he was still frowning at Hyun-ki, wondering about the name.

“Just…don’t make it Yuni! It’s a nickname! No twenty year old woman is going to want their name to be Yuni. Make it something else…something that Yuni can still be her nickname, but that’s different…classy or something, you know?” He was really worried about changing her name to something she would not like when she got older.

“Classy?” Rien asked, raising an eyebrow. What did that mean, exactly? He wasn’t at all sure what Shinji would consider acceptable and shook his head, unable to think of any likely candidates off the top of his head.

“How ’bout you make me a list, then?” he suggested wryly. “I ain’t gonna know what you’d approve of elsewise.”

Not sure that would work either, Shinji nonetheless had no better ideas and nodded, figuring he could always go online and search for names that contained ‘Yuni’ or variations thereof. It would be fun, and he could probably rope Kippei into helping.

“Okay, I can do that.” He just wanted her to have a great name; one that she liked and would still like down the track. Not one he randomly gave her one morning as a bit of a joke.

“So…does the wine I picked up match what you cooked?” He had no idea, had just figured white went with just about everything.

“Of course,” Rien assured him, grinning as he poured glasses for each of them and handed them over. “Juice for Yuni,” he told the little girl, giving her a small cup of her favorite juice instead.

“Juice!” she agreed, beaming delightedly.

Shinji felt overly full with an emotion he couldn’t name. He picked up his glass and sipped at his wine and just watched her, taking in the bright white flash of her teeth and the way he lips remained turned slightly upward even as she sucked at her sippy cup. Happy…she looked undeniably happy, and it made him feel like a king.

“It’s good,” he noted softly, feeling weirdly like crying. “The wine, and dinner…everything’s really good, Ri.”

Kippei looked over at him in concern, but Shinji looked okay, just… emotional, happy in spite of the sound of tears in his voice. He reached over to take Shinji’s hand and squeezed it, understanding all too well how Shinji felt. To be here together like this, after everything…it was a little overwhelming sometimes.

“Life is good,” he agreed contentedly.

Shinji just nodded, not trusting himself to say anything more, reaching to dish up what he wanted for dinner and digging in with a heartfelt sigh. Life was very, very good and he refused to take any of it for granted.

But he tired easily and Hyun-ki lay down with him in the afternoon for a nap, and when Kippei came home the desperate need to have him close was almost all consuming. Shinji crumbled in the evening and went to bed early and just clung to Kippei while Kippei studied or just lay there with him, threading fingers through his hair and Shinji was sure that then, when they were alone in the dark together, Kippei was the only thing keeping him sane.

But as the days slipped past it became both easier and harder. It was easier to just ignore everything and focus on taking care of Hyun-ki, and it was harder to believe something wasn’t wrong. When he woke up from his afternoon nap he just lay there, watching Hyun-ki sleep, stroking her cheek and petting her hair, wishing he knew what the hell he was supposed to do. If Rien didn’t come home soon, he was going to panic.

“I want your daddy,” he whispered secretively to Hyun-ki.

Kippei watched him worriedly, glad that he was handling it so far, but well aware that it only went so far. If Rien wasn’t back soon, they were going to have a mess on their hands. Or he was, really, since without Rien it was just him, watching over Shinji. Kippei decided that if Rien ever thought they didn’t need him again, Kippei was going to beat him up because obviously, they did, and it was hurting Shinji not having him here, which was only fine as long as Rien was coming right back as soon as possible. If he thought he didn’t have to, he was dead wrong and he needed a good kick in the head. Or two.

For Rien himself, it hardly mattered if they needed him back or not – he needed them just as badly, and he was simply incapable of staying away any longer than he absolutely had to. Once he was back he still had to go through the hours of reports and debriefing until he wanted to scream, and by the time he told his story for the third time he had pretty much had enough.

“You’ve got everything there,” he said wearily, “you know everything I know and it’s your job to make sense of it. I’m going home now. My family is waiting for me.” And he just stood up and walked out, not caring if it was against protocol or what the hell ever, he needed a hug and he sure as hell wasn’t getting it here.

No one tried to stop him, and when he got outside there was a plain, unmarked car waiting to take him home. He blinked at it for a minute, but he was too tired to smile and just climbed gratefully in, unable to think of anything but Shinji and Kippei and Yuni, safe at home and waiting for him. When it had been just him and Kippei, he hadn’t ever bothered to wake Kippei up when he got home in the middle of the night, but he knew Shinji would kill him if he didn’t, and quite honestly he didn’t give a damn whether they wanted him to or not, he wanted to see them and he was going to wake them the hell up, 3am or no 3am.

Shinji was already awake, feeling restless and desperate, pacing the house and drinking a cup of herbal tea in the hopes it would put him to sleep but it wasn’t working.  He wanted in a bone deep way that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with his body being trained to need Rien there from the moment he’d shown up in the hospital instead of Kippei. That, and the pounding hurt of his heart that only got worse every day Rien didn’t come home.

He heard the car pull up out front and froze, hesitating a moment in disbelief until he saw the shine of the headlights through the front curtains and then he had already put the cup down and was bolting out the front door, halting on the front steps and hopping nervously from foot to foot as Rien spoke to whoever was driving and shut the door, the car pulling away and then Shinji didn’t hold back at all, stumbling forward and wrapping his arms tight around Rien’s waist from behind, burying his face between his shoulder blades and barely holding back the sobs of relief as he felt Rien’s pulse under his hands.

Rien sighed with relief as he watched the car leave, and then he simply turned and scooped Shinji up in his arms, raining kisses on his face and hair as he carried him inside.

“Hey, beautiful, s’all okay,” he murmured, heading for the nearest place to sit down and collapsing on the couch for the time being, Shinji still cuddled in his lap. “M’alright, I’m back, missed you so much,” he admitted, rubbing Shinji’s back and tilting his face up to kiss him properly.

“Home now, princess,” he assured Shinji in a warm, relieved voice. “All okay, promise.”

Shinji pulled back far enough that he could run his hands over Rien, searching for anything wrong but he was fine, just like he said and Shinji breathed a heavy sigh of relief, a shaky smile finally appearing as he met Rien’s gaze. He was finally home…Rien was home, and everything in him felt like it was collapsing in on itself, finally letting go of all the tension he’d been carrying since Rien left.

“Home,” he whispered and leaned in to kiss Rien hard on the mouth. “Oh god, you’re home.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, smiling back, feeling warm for the first time in a week with Shinji’s hands on him again. After a minute he realised that Shinji had come out to meet him, and he tilted his head. “What you doin’ awake in the middle of night, hm? Do Ki know you’re out here not sleepin’?” he asked worriedly, wondering at it. Kippei never usually let Shinji move without it waking him up.

“He does now,” Kippei answered from the doorway, smiling wryly from where he stood, holding Yuni in his arms. He kissed her cheek and set her down, letting her run over to throw herself into the little pile Rien and Shinji were making on the couch.

“Papa Ri!” she cried delightedly, tumbling into Shinji’s lap and reaching up to hug Rien’s neck. “Papa Ri is home!”

Shinji wrapped an arm around her but otherwise refused to let go of Rien, ignoring the fact he hadn’t been sleeping because as if he wanted to sleep now that Rien was home. He grinned at Kippei, knowing he had to be just as happy to have Rien home, safe and sound, and rested his head on Rien’s shoulder, feeling warm and content in a way the tea had been incapable of making him.

“Papa Ri’s home,” he agreed with Yuni. “Isn’t it great?”

She just beamed at him, resting her head on Rien’s shoulder and playing with his hair, twirling the curls around her tiny, chubby fingers. It was great, nothing made her feel safer and more content than having all three of them home, ready to cuddle her no matter what happened.

Kippei chuckled, taking a moment to stroke their hair, all three of them – his angels, all together again at last. He headed out to the kitchen to find some warm drinks, collecting Shinji’s tea on the way and warming it up.

Shinji just focussed on breathing, feeling tired and worn to his bones now that he wasn’t worried out of his mind. He settled in beside Rien and let his eyes slide to half open, watching Hyun-ki playing happily and wondering what she thought of Rien leaving, really. Had to be even scarier for her.

“Love you, Ri. Missed you really bad.”

Rien wrapped his arms around them both, cuddling them warmly and unable to stop smiling, feeling relieved down to his bones, probably like Shinji did.

“Missed you real bad too,” he agreed. “Just wanted to get home again. Kept thinkin’ bout you all the time, you an’ Ki an’ little miss here…” He tickled the little girl’s middle, making her giggle and squirm. Yeah, it was good to be home again.

Shinji just smiled at them both, finding them adorable but not having the energy to play. The longer he sat there the more exhausted he felt until he finally gave up and got up, going to Kippei and wrapping his arms around him, hiding his face in against his throat and letting his eyes slide shut.

“Everyone’s safe again now,” he mumbled tiredly.

Kippei hugged him warmly, stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head. “Yeah, everything’s okay now,” he agreed, smiling faintly as he held Shinji tight. “C’mere,” he murmured, “come sit down.” He picked up two of the mugs in one hand and steered Shinji with the other, keeping an arm around him and taking him back to the couch to curl up near Rien, handing Shinji’s tea to him and a mug of coffee to Rien, going back to the kitchen briefly for another mug of tea and some hot chocolate for Hyun-ki.

“Here you go, baby,” he told her when he came back, handing it to her and waiting for Rien to settle down and make sure she didn’t spill it before he sat down beside Shinji and pulled him into his lap, cuddling him close again and stroking his hair in long, soothing strokes.

“Feels nice,” Shinji observed softly, watching Hyun-ki and Rien while he sank into the feeling of being safe at home with them all, Kippei’s hands the most comforting thing of all.

“Are you really okay?” He asked Rien quietly. “I mean…inside and out?”

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Rien assured him, reaching over to touch his cheek. “All sides good,” he sighed contentedly, shifting over to lean against Kippei, resting his head on one strong shoulder and grinning at Shinji, feeling rather blissfully warm and happy and safe. Safe enough to relax down to bedrock, and that was a rare enough thing.

“Missed this,” he sighed, petting Yuni’s hair and smoothing it down – it was obvious Shinji had fixed it earlier, and Rien was pleased to see that nothing had fallen apart, they’d all done well enough taking care of each other while he was gone.

“You took a long time getting back,” Kippei noted dryly. “If I ever find out you took any longer than you had to, believe me, I will make sure you are sorry. We need you,” he added softly, still running his fingers gently through Shinji’s hair.

Rien chuckled in wry amusement. “Ain’t worry bout that none, I never can wait to get back, trust me. I rather be here than anyplace else in the world.”

“Ri-papa loves us, Yuni,” Shinji whispered loudly, as if it were a secret, but he was grinning and he knew she understood how special it was. “Yuni loves Ri-papa?” They knew she did, but Rien would probably like to hear it and Shinji knew Hyun-ki never got tired of telling them.

She nodded seriously, snuggling into Rien’s lap where she was held and smiling happily at Shinji.

“Love Shinji and Ri and Papa Ki,” she agreed, rubbing her cheek against Rien’s shirt and then yawning suddenly, having been woken up by Kippei when he heard that Rien was home.

Rien sighed. “Think it is bedtime,” he decided, because he could definitely use some sleep, and Shinji looked exhausted. Kippei looked the same as always, but Rien was willing to bet he hadn’t been sleeping well either.

Shinji just smiled back at her and poked her nose gently, of the opinion it was like a little button that made her giggle when you pressed it and sure enough he was rewarded with a small, tired laugh.

“Yeah, bedtime for everyone,” he agreed. But he let Rien take Hyun-ki in to put her back to bed and went instead to their room, crawling into bed on the side, wanting Rien in the middle where they could both hold on and let the worry fade away. He looked up at Kippei and grinned because the man really was pure sex, half naked in the doorway.

“Ri in the middle?”

Kippei hummed in agreement, thinking it sounded like a good idea, coming over to stand beside Shinji while they waited for Rien. He wrapped his arms around Shinji and kissed his hair, smiling faintly to himself and feeling warm deep inside.

“I’m really proud of you,” he noted softly. “You were a big help while he was gone, you did just fine. It was hard for everybody, but you did good.”

Shinji felt better about it. He hadn’t panicked, hadn’t thrown a tantrum or refused to do anything. He’d taken care of Hyun-ki and had controlled himself. It was a definite improvement on the previous times Rien had gone to work. It didn’t make him miss Rien any less when he was gone, but at least he was learning to handle it.

“Can’t do it without you,” he pointed out. “Love you so much, Ki.”

“Love you too,” Kippei agreed, “always and forever.” He tilted Shinji’s face up to kiss him warmly, slow and sweet, and Rien paused in the doorway when he came back, just watching them, feeling like he might burst with how much he loved them.

“Look so good,” he said huskily, moving into the room with his eyes still fixed on them, gratefully stripping out of his clothes and climbing into bed, scooting over to wrap his arms around Shinji’s waist and nuzzle up against him.

Shinji hurriedly kicked off his pyjama pants before snuggling in against Rien, loving the way Rien smothered people in bed, needing that closeness more than ever.

“Sexy Ri…our sexy Rien, home safe and sound and perfect as always…” He rained kisses down on Rien’s face and throat, murmering random sweet nothings against his skin, something in him growing more desperate the longer he had Rien back safely.

Kippei watched them for a moment before he went around and climbed in on the other side, shedding his own pants and sliding in behind Rien, wrapping his arms around both of them from behind and kissing Rien’s shoulder, lingering over it and sucking hard, purring satisfaction in the back of his throat as Rien was once again marked his. Theirs.

Rien moaned and shivered, tangling his fingers in Shinji’s hair and pulling him back to his mouth for more serious kisses, loving the hot sweetness of Shinji’s tongue against his own.

“Love you,” he murmured, “love you both so much.”

“Love you more,” Shinji countered, kissing back just as hungrily. “Love you so much I feel like I’m going insane when you’re not with me. Need you so bad, all the time. Want your kisses and your hands and…god, everything!” He couldn’t get close enough; couldn’t share enough hot kisses, or touch enough smooth skin.

Rien groaned softly, feeling like he might go mad trapped between them like this, and not caring because it just felt so good.

“Everything,” he agreed breathlessly. “Want you, need you, so bad.” He arched his back against Kippei, trying to rub against both of them at the same time, and mostly failing, but unable to help himself with the rising desperation taking him over.

Shinji both wondered what Rien had done on his mission and knew he didn’t want to know. All he knew was that Rien needed something now that he could give him and he had to do his best to try and do just that, which wasnt hard when he wanted the same things just as badly. He rubbed up against him, slipping a hand down between their bodies to close around their cocks, squeezing gently.

Rien moaned in relief, feeling oddly as if he was really home now, with Shinji touching him in the careful way he always did, and Kippei pressed hard against him from behind, slowly grinding against his bare ass. He realised somewhat vaguely that if Kippei had his way he was going to get teased half to death tonight, but he wanted them any which way he could get them, so it didn’t matter really.

“Feels good,” he murmured, caressing Shinji’s back and licking his throat, sighing again, in pleasure this time. “You’re so hot…” So sexy.

Shinji was sure he would never understand why they thought that, but at the same time he didn’t really think it mattered when you were already in bed naked with people you were married to. They could think whatever they wanted, as long as Shinji got to keep doing this with them. His fingers teased Rien’s length while his tongue licked a wet path down his chest, delighting in every whimper and moan he won from Rien’s lips.

“You like it, Ri?”

Rien wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that when Shinji insisted on taking his breath away every other minute, but he moaned in heartfelt appreciation as the heat and hunger warmed him all the way through, leaving him aching with the need for more.

Chuckling softly behind him, Kippei slid a hand up his side, stroking his skin as teasingly as Rien had expected, lingering but never quite touching the places he knew Rien liked best. Teasing Rien was just fun, he always got so desperate and needy, begging as if he might die if he didn’t get it.

Shinji watched, fascinated as Kippei slowly brought Rien undone and he dissolved into a pleading, begging mass of wanton flesh. He was beautiful and sexy and cute as all hell and Shinji was reminded again of all the reasons he couldn’t live without him.

“My Rien. It’s not fair that other people get to have you, you’re mine.”

“Nobody else does, anymore,” Rien reminded him in a husky, shaken voice, still shuddering under Kippei’s hands, trying not to groan out loud in case Hyun-ki might hear them. Kippei was evil, and damn right he didn’t do this stuff with anyone else anymore, the two of them together were more than enough to handle sometimes. He grinned breathlessly at the thought, absolutely sure that he was exactly where he belonged.

“They get to see you when I don’t, that’s bad enough!” Shinji breathed huskily, hating those people who took Rien from him, for weeks at a time, where he was unsafe and unprotected and Shinji had no idea what was going on.

“No one else should get to have your time. You belong to us.”

Rien chuckled wryly. “I know, princess,” he agreed, but there was nothing they could do about it, really, and he got back to the serious business of kissing the hell out of Shinji. Damn, he tasted good.

“Right where I belong,” he sighed finally, a long, slow exhalation of contentment. “Right here with you.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Kippei told him sternly, biting down on his shoulder and growling fiercely, as if someone might try to take him away.

“Never forget!” Shinji emphasised, staring at the hard bite mark and licking his lips, feeling horribly turned on and wanting relief. He wrapped his fingers back around Rien and himself, stroking slowly, teasing but groaning as the pleasure built in his gut.

“Touch me.”

Rien’s hands fluttered over him, unable to decide where to settle as he wanted to touch everything at once. “Want you,” he moaned, nearly writhing between them as he slid his hands down Shinji’s back to squeeze his ass, loving the feelings sweeping through him, but wanting more too.

“You are in the middle,” Kippei pointed out. “Do you want to be more in the middle?” he asked, slightly amused and looking past him to raise his eyebrow at Shinji.

“Rien sandwich,” Shinji agreed, panting at the thought of it and smirking, licking Rien’s cheek before reaching over to grab the lube from the bedside table and tossing it to Kippei, not trusting himself to prepare Rien well enough when they were both so distracted and definitely not trusting Rien not to tell them to just do it.

Rien already wanted to tell them to just do it, but Kippei already had the lube so he just went with it, distracting himself by kissing Shinji again, loving the way he tasted, and feeling in the kiss that Shinji was just as hungry as he was, which was a great thing to come home to.

Taking his time, Kippei hummed in satisfaction as he watched them, teasing Rien with his fingers in the process, drawing it out as long as possible and smirking faintly as he wondered if it would be Rien or Shinji that broke first and started begging him to hurry up.

Shinji was nearly at breaking point, but refused to give in before Rien, finding it as amusing as ever that Rien dissolved between them, turning into the most amazingly sexual creature Shinji had ever seen. He didn’t think he would ever get used to Rien wanting him that badly. Kippei, definitely, who wouldn’t want him? But Rien clearly felt that way about him as well, and that was mind-blowing.

“Come on Ri…Tell us you want us.”

It wasn’t quite the near insane desperation that Rien had used to feel when he came home from a mission where he’d had to sleep with someone else, the need to be with them so completely, and get clean again. Still, it had been a long time he’d been away, and he’d missed them in every cell of his body. There was nothing like sex, for him, to make him feel reconnected and whole again, and he held out as long as he could because he knew Kippei wanted him to, but when Shinji joined in he really didn’t have a chance of resisting.

“Want you want you want you so bad,” he agreed, writhing and reaching hungrily for more touches and kisses, delighted with anything and everything he could get, just thrilled to be right where he belonged again, home and between them. “Love you so much.”

Shinji laughed in delight, leaning in to give him exactly what he wanted, kisses and hugs and teasing touches to drive him ever closer to the edge. He grinned at Kippei over his shoulder, loving how into Kippei was, how lost in trying to make Rien beg and plead and writhe between them. It was almost like playing doubles, and he couldn’t get enough of that.

“Love you. Mine, all mine.”

“All yours,” Kippei and Rien agreed, nearly simultaneously, and they grinned breathlessly at each other. Shinji made everything worth it, all the pain and heartache of getting here, all the work of keeping what they had, all the worry and the wonder and the stress, Shinji’s delighted laughter in a moment like this paid for it all.

“Now, please,” Rien begged, “now now, want you now.”

Kippei chuckled and nodded his agreement, glancing at Shinji to assure him they were ready. “Go ahead then,” he murmured, watching them intently as he put a little more lube on himself and handed it to Shinji.

Shinji grinned, snatching up the lube and rubbing it on himself with a few good slippery strokes, moaning at how good it felt and at the thought of being inside Rien in just a few seconds. He leaned in close, rubbing against Rien as he searched for his hole, smirking when he found it, licking his cheek playfully as he pushed in, slow and sliding easy, meeting Kippei’s gaze over Rien’s shoulder.

“With me. You need to be in with me.” Because he loved how Kippei’s cock felt pressed up against his own inside Rien’s body.

“That was the plan,” Kippei murmured, smirking a little as he moved forward and kissed Rien’s shoulder, stroking a soothing hand down his arm as he pushed in slow and careful, loving the tight heat and the awed look on Shinji’s face, the way they felt moving together and the way Rien just melted and relaxed and took them both in, moaning like he’d never felt anything better in his life.

“Yeahhh,” Kippei breathed, giving Shinji a brilliant smile as he leaned forward over Rien’s shoulder to give Shinji a hot, fervent kiss. Like this, together, all of them… oh hell yes.

Shinji knew he wasn’t going to last long, not when he hadn’t had sex for at least a week and he could feel Kippei screwing hard into Rien right beside him, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the sense of oneness that ran through his body and obliterated every other thought in his head until his whole world was reduced to the three of them and how amazing it felt. He drove hard into Rien, knowing it wouldn’t hurt him, that Rien knew how to move so it would always feel good, and trusting him to do just that.

When he came it was as if someone had sliced open his spine and spilled all control out of his body and he slumped limp and breathless against Rien, hair sweaty and sticking to his neck in thick tendrils.

“Oh god.”

Rien was right behind him, and Kippei didn’t last much longer than that, all three of them collapsing together in a tangled pile of sweaty limbs and breathless euphoria.

“Hell yeah,” Rien breathed, stroking Shinji’s hair down and kissing his forehead, his eyes, his cheekbones, wanting to just thank him, love him, give him every bit of affection he’d been storing up while he’d been gone.

“Mhmm,” Kippei agreed, nuzzling the back of Rien’s neck and giving Shinji a brilliant smile over his shoulder. Damn right. He shifted carefully and pulled out, rubbing Rien’s back as he got up and went to find a wet cloth to clean them all up with.

“Here you go,” he murmured, handing it to Shinji as he came back.

Shinji latched on to it clumsily, laughing softly at his lack of motor control, feeling too light and sated and as if someone had pulled all the darkness out of him, leaving only air and awesomeness. He took the cloth and went about cleaning himself up, much happier when he didn’t have sticky stuff all over himself, though he would have preferred a shower to get rid of the sweat. But the fact was he was too worn out to move away from them or the bed.

“That was awesome,” he yawned. “Hope we didn’t wake up Yuni-bug.”

Rien laughed, taking the cloth from Shinji and finishing the clean up, folding it over to a clean side and giving him a general rubdown on his back and his neck, knowing the sweat bothered him just as much as the rest of it.

“I doubt it,” he murmured, but then again they had not been careful about their noise.

“I’ll go check on her,” Kippei told them, pulling on a robe and tying it closed as he headed out the door and down the hall.

Shinji blinked, a little surprised but then…not. He grinned and snuggled in against Rien’s side, taking the cloth and cleaning him up while he nuzzled his shoulder.

“Kippei makes the cutest damn dad ever. Can you imagine him at parent teacher interviews? He’s gonna be amazing.”

Rien laughed helplessly, burying his face in Shinji’s hair and laughing himself silly. Partly because it was funny, and partly because he was still just so relieved to be home again.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, he will.” And it was a hilarious image. Kippei was going to be an awesome dad alright, but it cracked him the hell up.

Shinji was delighted to have a partner in crime; someone else who found Kippei impossibly awesome and adorably cute at the same time. Someone else who knew what an amazing father Kippei would be, as well as an incredibly lover. But Kippei was also his partner in crime for knowing those things about Rien, and that just made it all the more amazing. He grinned and shifted his pillows into a more comfortable position for sleeping and curled up against Rien’s side, just watching him.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You can talk to us if you need to.”

“I’m fine,” Rien promised, giving him a warm smile, his eyes deep chocolate happiness. “Was a long job, not a bad one,” he murmured. “Once I’m home again, s’all good.” He stroked the back of his knuckles across Shinji’s cheek, revelling in the softness of it. “You are so gorgeous,” he mumbled to himself, smiling in completely pleased, satisified contentment, because the prettiest angel he’d ever seen was all his. And Kippei’s.

Shinji blushed a deep red that only stood out all the more on pale skin with his jet black hair but he felt good. He liked that Rien thought he was gorgeous, whether it was true or not and he knew it was a sign of how far his mind had mended that he could see that now. The only truth that really mattered was what Rien and Kippei thought, everything else was irrelevant to his small world.

“I love you, Ri. Missed you like crazy, but I took good care of Yuni, and Kippei took care of me, and me and Yuni cooked dinner and stuff to take care of Kippei. But we all missed you. Need you.”

“Missed you too,” Rien assured him, snuggling him tight. “Missed all of you so much, couldn’t wait to get back.” He chuckled softly. “I kinda told them off, actually. When I got in earlier, had to give all my reports an’ crap so many times, was so tired an’ just got sick of it. Told ‘em they already knew everythin’ I knew, an’ it was their job to make sense of it. Jus’ walked out.”

Shinji laughed at that, completely delighted, easily able to imagine Rien doing just that, and picturing the faces of his superiors when he walked out. He loved Rien like crazy; loved that Rien was slightly insane.

“You’re adorable,” he pointed out with a grin, kissing him warmly and then looking up as the door opened and Kippei appeared. “Yuni-bug okay?”

“Yeah,” Kippei agreed. “She was fine, she woke up, I read her a story. She’s sleeping now.” He wasn’t sure if she knew what had woken her up – he’d tried to reassure her that they hadn’t been fighting, but he wasn’t sure if she had really understood. He’d have to ask Rien to talk to her tomorrow and make sure.

He crawled back into bed with them, dropping his robe on the floor and slipping under the blankets to cuddle up and wrap around them, sighing in contentment. So much better.

Shinji grinned and kissed him over Rien’s shoulder, all of the worry of the week drained away and Rien safe and warm and happy with them. It felt good, knowing he had survived Rien going off to work for a long period of time, without freaking out and without hurtin Hyun-ki or Kippei, and without any incident really to speak of. He could do it, he could make it, he could live like a normal human being and it felt great.

“Night, lovers.”

“Night, princess,” Rien murmured, kissing him again for goodnight and relaxing gratefully between them. God, he felt good, whole and warm and home again. He never wanted to leave again, and he wished it was that simple.

“I love you,” Kippei whispered again as they lay silent in the dark, contentedly enjoying the closeness and comfort. “I’ll never let you go, Shinji. I never will.”

Shinji shivered, shifting closer until he was pressed tightly against the length of Kippei’s body, kissing his skin wherever he could reach it and trying to hold on to the connection for as long as possible. Kippei drove him half mad with need, but in a good way.

“Love you too. Love you so much. My Kippei, you’re mine and I’m your Shinji, mine and yours and I love you, I really do. Please don’t let go, I just want to stay with you forever. I want to…please never let go of me.”

“I promise,” Kippei assured him. “Forever, just like this.” He smiled in the darkness as he stroked Shinji’s back, caressing up and down his spine, soothing and relaxing, for himself as well as Shinji.

“You’re perfect,” he murmured, half to himself, “you feel just right, here with me, love the way you fit against me. Don’t you feel like…” He paused, trying to think of a way to say it that didn’t sound ridiculous.

“Like I’m a part of you.” Like he only existed when he was with Kippei, as if nothing else mattered and he couldn’t even remember to breathe when they weren’t together. He smiled and licked at the corner of Kippei’s mouth in the dark, feeling the upturn of Kippei’s own lips. “My soul.” He found Kippei’s hand in the dark and rubbed his thumb over his wedding rings, as thrilled as ever that Kippei had married him, and Rien.

Kippei breathed a soft laugh, feeling warmed by the reminder, though it hadn’t been exactly what he’d been thinking. “That, yes,” he agreed. “But… kind of like somebody made you for me,” he admitted. “Or us for each other – all of us, even Rien, you know? But you and me especially, we just fit so perfect that it seems like someone had to have made you that way.” He paused, wryly amused at himself. It sounded ridiculous anyway; oh well.

“Anyway, I like to think so,” he admitted ruefully.

Shinji laughed at that, leaning up on one elbow so he could look down at Kippei, amused. He loved the idea; that someone had made him just for Kippei, just so they could always be together. Better, it was what Kippei thought too.

“You sound like Rien,” he pointed out softly. “I mean, the way he just decides that god or whoever did whatever he thinks just because…that weird ass religion of his.” He chuckled softly, relaxing back in against Kippei again. “I was definitely made for you.”

Shinji laughed at that, leaning up on one elbow so he could look down at Kippei, amused. He loved the idea; that someone had made him just for Kippei, just so they could always be together. Better, it was what Kippei thought too.

“You sound like Rien,” he pointed out softly. “I mean, the way he just decides that god or whoever did whatever he thinks just because…that weird ass religion of his.” He chuckled softly, relaxing back in against Kippei again. “I was definitely made for you.”

Kippei chuckled at the mention of Rien’s odd personal religion, one that Rien had told him about at one point, but at the time he hadn’t been much interested in hearing about the details.

“Rien would probably have a better explanation,” he noted, rather amused. “You should ask him sometime, he has all kinds of theories and crap to go with it.”

“That’s because he’s weird,” Shinji pointed out, still chuckling. “You do like the weird ones.” Not that he was complaining at all. It meant Kippei liked him and Rien was adorably cute. He relaxed in against Kippei’s side, stroking his hair back off his face with lazy movements.

“It’s getting pretty long.”

“My hair?” Kippei blinked at him, taking a moment to catch up with the fact that Shinji was not talking about his own hair, which Kippei was always distracted by before he thought about anything else.

He reached up now to touch it it, winding a strand around his finger and smiling faintly, just loving the way it felt. But Shinji was asking about his.

“Do you like it, or should I get it cut?”

“No! I like it, don’t cut it!” Kippei had never had long hair, but Shinji definitely liked it now that he knew what it looked like. It also meant Kippei wasn’t a tennis star anymore, and was living at home with them now instead, happy and content. At least, Shinji hoped so.

“Are you happy? I mean…without tennis and stuff. Are you happy?”

Kippei grinned at him. “Don’t I look happy?” he asked, amused. “Course I am, baby. Have been, for a long time now. You woke up, I quit tennis, we got married, things have never been better. Now we’re going back to school, give us something to do, and we’ve got Yuni to take care of. Couldn’t be happier,” he assured Shinji gently, touching his cheek.

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I just…I guess I just worry sometimes. That maybe you’ll regret it one day. Try and live vicariously through Yuni or something,” he joked, finding that the most ludicrous idea ever. “Actually…we should probably make sure Rien doesn’t teach her all sorts of weird stuff.” Because that was very likely!

“Nah, let him teach her,” Kippei countered, chuckling. “The more weird stuff she knows, the better she’ll fit in with us, don’t you think?” He shook his head, amused at the collective weirdness of their small family.

Shinji had to laugh at that, nodding his head in agreement because that was definitely true. Besides, it would be good if she at least knew how to defend herself.

He sighed softly, wriggling further down under the blankets to get warmer.

“She named her bunny after me.”

Kippei blinked at that, then smiled. “Her bunny? The big one that you gave her?” He hadn’t heard that the bunny had a name, but that made sense. Shinji was her favourite, unquestionably the one she felt most safe and most comfortable with.

“That’s good,” he decided, pulling Shinji closer and stroking his hair, smoothing it down his back and lingering on the smooth skin beneath. “Mmm, you’re so gorgeous,” he murmured, getting slightly distracted from the conversation by Shinji’s sexy self.

As amused as ever by the immediate distraction, and recalling that Rien had once said Kippei would probably cum just playing with his hair, Shinji hid his smile against Kippei’s throat and just enjoyed the feeling of fingers gently stroking through the mass and across his lower back. He’d never thought much about his hair, though he’d always had it long. Now it was just out of control but he didn’t mind it. It was as much a part of him now as all the other weirdnesses of his life.

“Love you. That feels nice.”

“Mmhmm,” Kippei agreed, the sound full of satisfaction and pleasure as he continued running his fingers through Shinji’s hair, stroking his back, feeling himself grow hard again but not feeling the need to do anything about it, just enjoying the heat washing through him, slowly building as his fingers moved.

“I love you too,” he murmured, his voice low and husky, fervent and almost reverent.

Toasty warm and close enough to Kippei that he felt unthreatened, Shinji slowly let himself doze off to sleep, content with the knowledge that Kippei was safe and sound and Rien would be home that much sooner once he woke up.

Kippei let him doze, and drifted off himself before long, fingers buried warm in Shinji’s hair. It felt good, lying all tangled together wrapped up in each other, and he smiled involuntarily every time he woke up a little to shift and move.

At one point he moved with more purpose, hands stroking caressingly, teasing and arousing, trailing kisses in their wake. He was all for round two if he could coax Shinji into it – with Shinji on top of course.

It didn’t take much effort to wake Shinji, not when it was Kippei touching him into the waking world, drawing him closer and stroking his skin into a fire. He gasped and kissed back heatedly, rolling them over to straddle Kippei’s hips, loving the feel of him under him and watching in fascination, taking in all the small details that told him how aroused Kippei was. The inhale and exhale of heavy breath, the hazey gaze, the coloured flesh, the straining muscle. It amazed him every time that he could have such an effect on anyone, let alone Kippei.

“You’re so sexy.”

Kippei chuckled softly, sweeping his hands up Shinji’s strong, slender back and luxuriating in the feeling.

“Ahh, you’re the sexy one,” he breathed, arching up against Shinji’s weight with a breathless, dazzling grin. “God, you feel so good,” he groaned. “I want you, Shinji, I want you so much…”

Always, always had, always would, no matter what he was never going to not want Shinji desperately, in every possible way. This was a part of it he’d once feared to never get back, yet here they were, and the joy and relief of it was blinding.

“You have me,” Shinji assured him softly, stroking with fascinated hands and exploring the body he’d once known so well. It wasn’t the same, but it was similar and he loved it even more now, knowing that it could support whatever weight he threw on it. This was the body that loved him, no matter what happened and he knew he would never get enough of it, which was just as it should be.

“You’re going to be mine forever,” he whispered knowingly, smile raw and open as it rarely was.

“Yes,” Kippei hissed, pulling him down for a fervent kiss. “Yours, all yours, please, Shinji, please, I want to be closer.” They were about as close as it was possible to get already, but it still didn’t feel like enough. “Want you inside me,” he murmured, reaching up to touch Shinji’s face, because they’d always switched to some extent, and tonight didn’t feel complete without it.

Oh hell yes. Shinji just nodded and reached immediately for the bottle of lube Rien always kept on the bedside table, feeling a shiver of anticipation as the lid clicked open but then the cool gel was coming out, soothing and soft and he spread it over both  of them before even trying to press a finger into Kippei’s unresisting body.

“Tell me if it hurts, I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t,” Kippei insisted, “come on, please…” He tossed his head back and forth, nearly overwhelmed by the feeling of it, now after so long.

“God, you are so amazing,” he noted fervently, meaning every word.

Needing no further encouragement, Shinji pulled his fingers free and pressed in, gasping at the tight heat and keeping his gaze fixed on Kippei’s face, watching for any sign of pain and relaxing only when he was fully in and Kippei just looked content with the world. Then Shinji really smiled and rocked his hips tentatively, grinning as Kippei sucked at the air and hissed softly.

“Is it good?”

“Oh god,” Kippei groaned, “oh god you feel so good, oh Shinji,” he breathed, hardly able breathe with the wonder of it.  It seemed like it had been so long, such a long time since they had done this, just the two of them just like this.

“I love you so much,” he whispered. “Oh god,  so much.”

“I know you do,” Shinji assured him, leaning in to kiss him, deep and long and hungry for more. “Love you too, beautiful.” But he couldn’t hold back any longer, pulling back and driving in hard, long strokes that sent shivers of pleasure through his groin and up his spine, lingering in his gut and begging for more.

He’d thought this lost; that somehow alien Shinji would take it from him as he’d taken everything else, but here it was, the same as it always had been with just the two of them but they still had Rien. He didn’t have to give up anything, and he could still have the things he’d had before. The relief made tears sting his eyes and his smile was shakey but genuine as he slowly drove them both toward the edge.

“Come for me. Just for me, Ki.”

“Yours,” Kippei promised him, groaning with the overwhelming pleasure of it. “All yours, Shinji, all yours, just for you,” he swore, and then he was coming, just like Shinji had asked him to, unable to resist the incredible sexiness that was Shinji.

“Love you more than anything in the world,” he murmured as he tried to catch his breath. So, so much. Shinji was amazing.

Shinji barely heard the words, lost in his own blissed out world, collapsing on Kippei as he came hard and the world washed out while he tried to remember to breathe. Then he just smiled, snuggling in against Kippei, amused by the sweaty mess of them both, but content enough to stay where he was for a few minutes.

“Mine. My Kippei, for all time. Mine.” For the first time in a long time, he sounded like he was talking simple fact.

Kippei was grinning, loving the surety in his tone, feeling that Shinji really believed it for the first time in ages, feeling relieved and comforted and reassured by it, the simple peace in the fact that Shinji knew Kippei was just as much his as he was Kippei’s, which was completely and entirely.”Never, never, never let you go,” he noted softly, stroking Shinji’s hair and breathing deep of the scent of sweat and sex and Shinji, a curious mixture that he’d been missing for a long, long time now.

“Love you,” Shinji agreed, yawning faintly but wrinkling his nose in distaste, sighing finally as he sat up and looked down at the mess he had made, wryly amused. “Love you but I want a shower…we’re all sticky. Come with me? We could soak in the bath some more…” And maybe he was slightly addicted to baths now.

“But it’s the middle of the night,” Kippei protested. “Can’t we just… clean off and go back to bed?” he wondered, hauling himself up and going into the bathroom to find a wet cloth to wipe the stickiness off with. That should be good enough, surely, even for a clean freak like Shinji.

Laughing softly, Shinjui graciously accepted the cloth and cleaned them both, tossing it back inside the bathroom and snuggling up against Kippei again, sighing in relief to be clean and warm and entirely sated.

“I feel so good…Haven’t felt this good in ages.”

Kippei nodded in agreement, sighing contentedly and snuggling Shinji close in his arms, delightfully naked and skin to skin, feeling indeed as Shinji had said, better than he’d felt in a very long time.

“You are the most gorgeous, incredible, sexy thing,” he murmured huskily, trailing a hand down Shinji’s back and kissing the top of his head. “Love you so much.”

Shinji didn’t even want to argue, just chuckled softly and let Kippei think whatever he wanted to, too happy where he was to think about anything bad…or anything at all for that matter.

“Love you too,” he mumbled huskily. “For always.”

Shinji woke to the scent of food and the warmth of the oven wafting through the house. He lay for a while, just watching Hyun-ki sleep, trying to tell himself everything was fine and Rien would be home in a few days, no harm done. But it wasn’t possible and thinking about it only set him on edge, hard. He sighed and slid out from around Hyun-ki, tucking her in under the blankets before sneaking out to find Kippei, smiling when he found him in the kitchen, cleaning up…something.

“Ki?” He couldn’t quite keep the smile out of his voice.

“Hi,” Kippei answered wryly, smiling and relaxing in spite of himself, because he wasn’t quite as done as he would like, but it was impossible not to be delighted with Shinji’s company regardless, and it just felt incredibly good to have him there. He finished what he was doing and turned to pull Shinji into a comfortable hug, kissing the top of his head and smiling to himself with a quirk of his mouth that was not quite smug, but… satisfied, entirely pleased with the fact that Shinji was there, his and beautiful and happy and safe, and he sighed contentedly.

“Mmm, you smell good,” he noted randomly. “Did you have a good nap?”

“It was nice,” Shinji agreed, because it was, dozing with Hyun-ki snuggling in against him, but it wasn’t the same as being in bed with Kippei and Rien and touching and knowing they were okay. It wasn’t the same as listening to them breathe in the dark around him. But it was nice.

“You’ve been making us dinner?” He grinned, peeking around and inhaling the scents of things. Kippei didn’t think of himself as a cook, but he always made the simple, easy things that made Shinji think of home. It was fitting, really. “It smells good.”

“That’s lucky,” Kippei noted, still sounding wry. “You slept through it when something was burning earlier.” He’d had to throw it out and start over, but oh well.

“Is Yuni still asleep?”

Shinji laughed softly and nodded, recalling the angelic face as he’d tucked her in under the covers and snuck out. He adored her, but that wasn’t really a surprise. Wrapping his arms around Kippei’s waist from behind, Shinji nuzzled between his shoulderblades, sinking into the feeling of being home.

“You burnt something?” He looked around for evidence and saw something burned in the trash. “What was it?”

Kippei shrugged. “Doesn’t matter,” he informed Shinji with some amusement. “I’m not making you eat it,” he teased. Really he thought it was asking enough that they had to eat his cooking at all, never mind when it was burnt or otherwise stuffed up.

“Just don’t expect miracles,” he sighed, missing Rien rather fiercely all of a sudden.

Shinji knew immediately who Kippei was thinking of and his smile turned a little melancholy but he didn’t dwell on it. He needed to be stronger, for Kippei and Hyun-ki and because he couldn’t be entirely dependant on them without driving himself insane. He looked around at the things Kippei had made and grinned.

“Wanna eat in front of the TV? We can snuggle on the couch with Yuni?”

Kippei chuckled a little. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he sighed, figuring they might as well be comfortable and together as much as possible when they were missing part of their little unit. He rubbed his face with his hands briefly before he went about putting the food on trays and plates, arranging things to carry in to the other room for eating there.

He wished he was better at… all this, though he was disgruntledly not entirely sure what he meant by that. Taking up as much of the lot as he could carry on his own, he nodded at Shinji to grab the drinks, and headed in to set things up on the coffee table.

Shinji left him to it, remembering all the times Rien had told him Kippei just needed to do things for them; to be useful and loved. So Shinji let him be useful and went to fetch Hyun-ki, nuzzling against her cheek where she was sleeping amongst their pillows and whispering her name softly in her ear.

“Yuni…time to wake up now beautiful girl. Dinner time. Come eat dinner with me and Kippei. Love you Yuni.”

She yawned and stretched, blinking sleepily at him, reaching up to put her arms around his neck with a soft, sweet smile. “Shinji,” she mumbled, nuzzling back. “Love Shinji.” It took several minutes for the part about eating to sink in, and then she nodded hopefully, pulling back to look at him with bright, alert eyes.

“Eat time? Yuni eat too?”

“Yeah baby, Yuni eat too. Yuni always eat too,” he promised, appalled as ever that she felt she needed to ask, as if they might deny her the right to eat. The bastards she had lived with deserved to die, a thousand times over. Only the fact they were dead gave him a little comfort. He picked her up and carried her out to the lounge, smiling at the small spread of food Kippei had made them and pointed it all out to her as he put her down.

“Kippei made dinner for us, Yuni! Isn’t Kippei great?”

“Love Papa Ki,” Yuni agreed, nodding as she ran over to hug his leg, which was the only part of him she could reach. “Yum, eat, Papa Ki!” she noted excitedly, looking up at him with still hopeful bright eyes, not entirely certain yet that she wasn’t going to be told she couldn’t have any.

“Is good, yes? Yuni eat too?”

Kippei looked down and his heart clenched, and he hurriedly scooped her up and kissed her, reassuring her instantly that of course she was allowed to eat too, and giving Shinji a matching appalled look. It was one thing to hear Rien telling them all that he suspected about her life, but it was somehow far worse to be confronted by clear evidence of it.

Shinji winced knowingly and reached out to grab a sweet rice roll, handing it over to Hyun-ki before grabbing one for himself and collapsing back into the couch with a content sigh, ignoring the small hole in their family for the moment. He felt selfish for wanting Hyun-ki to have dinner and a bath and go to bed proper so he could have Kippei for himself in his own bed, but he needed that contact and he thought Kippei might be needing the same thing.

“Hmm…so. What do you want to watch, Yuni? Here…you pick.” He handed her the TV remote, not sure what was on television but wanting her to have what she wanted for the moment, willing to watch anything that made her happy.

Rien had taught her how to use the remote, and she had picked it up with her usual quickness, knowing at least how to turn it on and off, change the volume and the channel. She wasn’t quite up to remembering which numbers went to specific places yet, but she was happy enough to just cycle through the channels until she found something interesting.

Tonight she settled on the disney channel, munching quietly on her sweet roll as she sat watching the screen with an absorbed, serious little face, as if paying attention were important and maybe there would be a test later. She grinned up at Shinji when he sat down beside her though, and broke off a piece of her roll to share.

“Yum, good, Shinji!” she told him earnestly.

Shinji grinned and took the morsel she offered, then broke off a large section of his own and held it out for her to eat, wanting her to learn that sharing was good and there would always be more when she wanted more. He tugged her over to cuddle against his side, immediately comfortable when Kippei sat down on his other side to watch disney channel with them. It was some strange little cartoon but Hyun-ki seemed to like it and the food was delicious.

“Thanks for making dinner. It’s perfect.” Not what Rien would have cooked, but if Rien wasn’t there then a reminder that Kippei was was just what Shinji needed.

“I tried to make your favourites,” Kippei told him, sounding slightly apologetic. Mostly it had all turned out well enough, but perfect he thought was a great exaggeration.

He leaned forward to grab the drinks from the tray, handing over Hyun-ki’s little juice cup and a normal sized glass for Shinji and himself. There was tea in the kettle on the stove for later, but he hadn’t bothered bringing it in yet. That could go with dessert – and since he considered himself completely incapable of making dessert, ice cream would have to do. He didn’t expect any complaints about that one.

Shinji ate his way through dinner and dessert, talking softly to Kippei while Hyun-ki watched her show, then carrying her off to give her a bath, climbing in with her and making sure she almost sparkled before letting her wrap herself up in her duck towel and run off quacking to find Kippei. He laughed as he wrapped a towel around his own hips and followed her, finding her flapping in front of Kippei in the kitchen doing the dishes. She looked ridiculous…and happy.

“Yuni…I don’t think ducks can swim in the sink.”

Hyun-ki’s tiny forehead wrinkled in a somewhat puzzled look, picking out the words she knew and trying to make sense of them.

“Go swim?” she asked, but the tone of Shinji’s voice told her that he didn’t mean she could go swim right now. Maybe he thought she was asking to? “Yuni not swim now, Shinji,” she pointed out, rolling her eyes at him because she’d just gotten out of the water, duh. “Dishes swim now, see?” She pointed at the sink where Kippei was washing up.

Shinji couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing, leaning down to pick her up and kissing her loudly on the cheek.

“Yeah, Yuni. Dishes swim now,” he agreed, still laughing as he leaned in to give Kippei a kiss. “Give Kippei-papa a kiss and we’ll go get you ready for bed, okay?”

Kippei smiled faintly at them, leaning over to kiss her cheek and looking amused as Shinji carted her off. “Night, munchkin,” he told her. “Go sleep now.”  He bit his lip to stop himself from adding ‘be good for Shinji’, remembering that Rien had warned him about that before.

“Ni’, papa Ki,” she answered sleepily, nuzzling happily into Shinji’s shoulder as he carried her away. “Love Shinji,” she mumbled, squeezing her arms around his neck in as much of a hug as she could manage in her current position.

“Shinji loves Yuni too,” Shinji agreed, kissing the top of her head before putting her down on her bed and fetching a nightgown, divesting her of her towel and helping her into it, grinning at the bright red strawberries all over it. Typical Rien. He tucked her in to bed and settled beside her on the edge of the bed, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

“Sweet dreams, Yuni-princess.”

“Ni’, Shinji,” she answered, yawning as she curled on her side and snuggled in with her bunny. “Yuni sleep with Shinshin, ‘kay?” she assured him sleepily. “Shinji go take care of papa Ki, Yuni alright.” She wasn’t sure what was wrong but she could feel that Shinji was anxious about something to do with Kippei, and knew she was being sent to bed early because of it, but since she was tired anyway she wanted to let Shinji know he could go take care of him now.

“Such a clever little girl,” Shinji whispered, smiling as he gave her one last kiss goodnight. He wandered out, leaving the door open in case she got scared and needed them, and went out to find Kippei, catching him just finishing the dishes. It made him smile, as it usually did whenever he found Kippei or Rien doing something domestic, in their house. At home.

“Hey sexy. The munchkin’s in bed…want a bath with me?”

Kippei grinned at him as he finished wiping down the counter, drying his hands and coming over to drape his arms around Shinji’s shoulders, pulling him in for a loose hug and kissing the tip of his nose.

“Hey sexy, yourself,” he noted with a smirk, his voice low and husky as he leaned in to nibble at the corner of Shinji’s mouth, teasing with the tip of his tongue and little scrapes and nips of his teeth. “You taste good.” Which wasn’t an answer to the question, but he figured the answer was pretty self-evident anyway.

Laughing softly, Shinji wrapped his hands around the back of Kippei’s neck, pulling him more forcefully into a proper kiss, moaning at the heat in it and the familiar taste that always made him want more. He slowly walked backward, through the living area and out the back, already reaching for Kippei’s belt, wanting him naked and as close as it was possible to get.

“Want you. Miss Rien so bad, I need you.”

Kippei felt vaguely wryly amused at the fact that if he’d said that to Shinji, it probably would have been completely misinterpreted, but he knew what Shinji meant, feeling it burning through him just as fiercely.

“Want you too,” he assured Shinji, kissing him again and deeper, groaning a little as he let Shinji tug him wherever he wanted to go, trusting him to get them to a place he felt comfortable with, at this point not even caring where they ended up. All he could think about was yes, and more, and now.

Relieved that he’d read it right and Kippei really did want the same things, Shinji quickly tossed his towel on the table before climbing into the spa, sighing as he sank into the hot water, pressing the button for the gentle bubbles, holding out a hand for Kippei.

“Come here. Come in with me.”

Kippei was right behind him, struggling out of his clothes as quickly as possible with no finesse, and sliding into the water with a soft groan at how good it felt, taking Shinji’s hand immediately and moving closer, pressing against him and pulling him in with a hand on his back, kissing him hungrily again.

“Want you, love you so much,” he breathed, cradling the back of Shinji’s neck and just holding him close for a moment, resting his temple against Shinji’s and feeling the yearning heat flood through him, pulsing with every breath. “My Shinji,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment in sheer gratitude, feeling for a moment the incredible magnitude of being given back so much that he had lost.

There wasn’t anything Shinji could think of that he wanted more than Kippei. Rien home, definitely, but the way he needed Kippei was on another level, something he couldn’t quite fathom completely. Kippei had been so far under his skin for so long being near him was as required as air.

“Love you, love you so much, touch me please, I need to be closer. Please, Kippei, I need you. Need you so bad!”

“Shhh,” Kippei murmured, smiling against the curve of his neck and kissing it softly, trailing his way down to Shinji’s shoulder as his hands smoothed over Shinji’s skin, sliding up to gather his hair and pull it back, leaving more bare skin for kissing, tasting, sucking lightly here and there, almost teasing, but keeping him close and pressed against him, their legs tangling under the water as Kippei nudged him back against the side, pinning him there for further slow and tender explorations.

This was what he’d used to love about making love to Shinji, what he’d missed for so long, the soul deep connection that gradually strengthened as they took their time just touching, kissing, exploring each other intimately and taking it slow, even once they were finally joined, riding it out slow and gentle, soaring gradually higher until they crested almost gently, soaking thoroughly in the intoxicating essence of each other’s presence, heart mind and soul.

Words were useless to Shinji when they were like this; Kippei already knew the things he wanted and the things he didn’t know how to say and he kissed away the rest of the world until it was just the two of them and Shinji could just be, hanging on desperately even as he could finally let go. It felt like Kippei stole away the negative things that usually tied him in knots and washed him clean in the water until everything was better somehow.

It didn’t feel like sex, but Shinji didn’t know what the word for it was, just knew it was easier to sink in against Kippei and exist for a few minutes of pure ecstasy that lingered long after they were both done. When Shinji came back to himself they were still in the hot, bubbling water, the stars had turned a little overhead, and Kippei’s chest rose and fell against his own in a rhythm that was slightly unsteady and made Shinji smile.

“I love you.”

Kippei smiled faintly too, and kissed his hair, sighing softly in contentment.

“God, so do I,” he murmured. “Love you so damn much, Shinji – I’ve missed this,” he admitted. “Missed you.” It had been such a very, very long time.

Kippei remembered just as recently as right before Christmas, the day that Shinji had come home and freaked out about the bruises he and Rien had given each other, telling Shinji that he remembered the way sex had used to be for them, assuring him that he still wanted that from Shinji, wanted to make slow and tender love to him in the way they always used to, and Shinji hadn’t believed him.

Kippei had nearly given up that day, nearly decided that there was no hope left of ever truly getting back this part of his relationship with Shinji, not just sex but the more that this was, and had grieved as a piece of his heart died. Yet here they were, not even two months later, and that last aching wound, the last deep, devastating grief was being healed.

“You can’t even imagine,” he murmured softly as his arms tightened gratefully around Shinji, holding him closer, “it’s been so long, Shinji, so long,” and even he could hear the wonder and the ache in his voice. “I was afraid – I thought we might never be together again like this, just…just like this, like it used to be. I’ve missed this so much, I can’t even – I can’t even tell you,” he whispered.

His eyes were deep and dark, intent, warm with a vast, quiet joy, completely focused on Shinji and the sudden vibrancy of connection that he had been starving for; there really was nothing quite like this, and never had been. He was thrilled with relief as sharp as pain with the way it felt, in the afterglow, as if they were looking straight into each other’s souls – he held Shinji’s gaze almost reverently, reaching up to cradle his head with one hand, thumb brushing gently across Shinji’s cheekbone.

“I need you more than anything, and it’s been good, with Rien, with the three of us, but somehow… somehow this is different,” he noted with a touch of awe. “You’re so amazing, Shinji, I love you so much. And I love being with you like this – I never…” he bit his lip, hugging Shinji suddenly tight, tucking him in against his chest and rubbing his cheek against Shinji’s hair, taking a deep, shuddering breath. It felt like fresh, clean air to the bottom of his lungs for the first time in a very long time.

“I never want to lose this again,” he finished in a heartfelt whisper.

“I know,” Shinji whispered, feeling somehow bleak with the knowledge of it. He’d been hungering for this level of connection since he first woke up; desperate to know he could still have that level of connection with Kippei. Knowing that Kippei could still feel it, and still wanted it with him was like the last strand of missing connections in his brain finally refiring.

“I feel like me,” he whispered softly, marvelling at the feeling. “I don’t feel…like alien Shinji. I feel like me.”

“Oh, Shinji,” Kippei murmured, feeling the ache in his throat like suppressed tears, but he simply held on tight and stroked Shinji’s hair with a steady, gentle hand.

“You’re my Shinji,” he said softly at last. “You always have been and always will be. Nothing can ever change that. Never.” He tilted Shinji’s face up and kissed him again, slow and lingering, deep and hot and fierce with all the things he didn’t know how to say, everything that meant I love you and so much more. Forever mine, forever this, forever everything. Yours.

“What are you supposed to be, the mad hatter?”

“No…I’m a rock star?”

Kippei laughed too, going around to open the car door for Yuni and scooping her up to cuddle while they met all the strange people, since aside from Sada she hadn’t met any of Shinji’s family yet.

“You remember Sada, don’t you?” he asked her, pointing to the two of them together. “Shinji’s sister, right?”

Hyun-ki nodded solemnly, looking a bit uncertain at first and then with more conviction. “Shinji sister!” she agreed, smiling shyly. She kind of wanted to hide against Kippei, but she decided for the moment sucking her thumb was good enough.

Shinji smiled at her and reached out to stroke her cheek, trying to reassure her that everything was okay. He tossed his arm around Sada’s shoulders and led the way inside, grinning to himself when he nearly had to duck to get through the living room entrance. He really had gotten taller.

“Hey Dad,” he called out and was immediately greeted to his father’s head popping around the corner, a wide smile on his face.

“Shinji. Did you bring the munchkin? Ah, there she is!” He came out from the kitchen still wiping his hands on a towel, leaning in to kiss Hyun-ki on the cheek and watching as Ashara also emerged, drying her own hands, obviously having just finished the dishes. Shinji went to her immediately, hugging her and feeling relieved when she hugged him back.

Kippei nodded at Shinji’s father, keeping a wary eye on Shinji’s greeting with his mother, relaxing a little when it seemed like no immediate disaster was taking place. He hadn’t been entirely sure they were going to be welcome, after everything.

“Hey Dad,” he echoed Shinji as he turned back to his father, giving Ibu-san a grin, sparks of mischief dancing in his eyes. “This is our Yuni,” he noted proudly, stroking the little girl’s hair. “Isn’t she cute?”

“The cutest,” he agreed, thinking she looked nervous but happy and well cared for. It was clear she trusted her new father’s and that was what really mattered. He was still nervous as Ashara strode forward to get a better look at the small child, leaning down to peer into the small face.

“She’s Korean?” Ashara looked back at Shinji with a frown. “You don’t speak Korean.”

“We don’t,” Kippei agreed easily, “but Rien does.” Somewhat. He bent over to set her down on her own feet, watching with some inward amusement as she ran straight for Shinji, holding up her arms.

“Shinji!” she pleaded a bit worriedly, not liking the frown on the tall scary woman or the tone of her voice. “Shinji, up!”

Shinji just grinned at her and picked her up immediately, hugging her close and taking her to Ashara to get a closer look, amused when his mother immediately pet Hyun-ki’s hair and straightened her jumper, much as she had always done with him as a child.

“Hello Yuni. I’m…Nana-Ashi.”

Yuni gave her a cautious look, not sure what to make of her, looking back and forth between Kippei and Shinji for clues. Finding them both looking unconcerned and faintly amused, she relaxed slightly and turned back to regard Ashara with a solemn look.

“Nana…shi…” she tried hesitantly, barely more than a whisper, knowing she hadn’t gotten it right. She glanced quickly at Shinji, looking worried, questioning him with a sudden soft torrent of her mixed languages, more Korean than usual as she didn’t know most of the words, but she’d gathered that Ashara was related to Shinji in vaguely the same way that Nana-Kimi was, not quite sure how to ask and the sounds being similar enough she came up finally with, “Nana-Shinji?”

“Yeah Nana-Shinji,” Shinji agreed with a soft laugh that he shared with his mother and as she relaxed it became painfully clear they were related, the same faces and hair, the same smile and sharp hint of amusement in the eyes. Ashara held out her arms tentatively, wanting to hold her and Shinji handed her over, grinning as Kaeda crawled into the room and immediately latched on to Kippei’s leg.

“Ki-ki!”

Laughing, Kippei bent down to pick him up, holding him up high and rocking him back and forth, making ridiculous noises at him to make him laugh, then lowering him to kiss his nose and finally settling him in the crook of his arm, tickling him a little until he laughed some more, gurgling happily and reaching up to swipe at Kippei’s face, trying to grab his hair where it was getting long enough to hang in his eyes.

Hyun-ki stared at him wide-eyed, clinging tight to Ashara as she always did when she was uncertain of her perch, completely baffled by the sight of Kippei being so silly. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore, but she’d never seen him act like that. She felt a little bit anxious, too, now that two of her favorite people were no longer paying attention to her. She hadn’t quite gotten over the fear of expecting to be handed off and given away by people who didn’t want to bother with her anymore.

Shinji could see how anxious she was, but didn’t want to upset Ashara by taking her back, so he left her in his mother’s care while he examined Sada’s outfit more closely, remarking on various accessories and the fact that not a single thing on her appeared to match.

“You look ridiculous.”

“Do not!” Sada stuck her tongue out at him and then reached up for Hyun-ki, wanting to hold her too, glaring so demandingly that even Ashara had to laugh and carefully passed her down to her.

“Hello Yuni! Do you remember me? I’m Sada…you remember?”

“Shinji sister,” Hyun-ki agreed, nodding at her, smiling tentatively at the friendly face. “Go play?” she asked, remembering the fun they’d had playing together when Sada had come to visit them. She was fascinated by Sada’s colorful outfit, reaching out to touch various bright or shiny bits that caught her attention.

“Pretty,” she noted in a soft, wistful tone.

Kippei rolled his eyes. “That cannot be good,” he muttered to no one in particular, amused in spite of himself at the idea of Sada dressing her up to match. At the very least, Hyun-ki would be thrilled with it.

Shinji laughed too, sharing a knowing look with Kippei. “Just be grateful Ri’s not here. You know he’d want to dress up too.” And Sada was already picking up Hyun-ki and hauling her off to the dress ups box full of all sorts of strange and wonderful things from when each of them had been that small, determined to turn her into a miniature princess like the pictures of Shinji in the photo albumns that always made her laugh.

As soon as they were gone, Shinji and Ashara went to sit quietly and talk in the garden, leaving Kippei with Kaeda. Ibu-san smiled at the pair of them, as amused as ever  by Kippei’s reaction to him.

“You get along well with Kaeda.”

“I… yeah,” Kippei sighed, shifting Kaeda upright to lean against his shoulder, hugging him close and rubbing his back, resting his cheek against the baby’s soft hair. Not like Shinji’s, not at all, but still… He shrugged, giving Ibu-san a rueful grin.

“He’s… it’s not his fault. I wish I could make it up to him, or just… let him know it’s okay, that he’s loved just the way he is, or something. Not really my job, I know, but I – I can’t imagine ever putting that burden on somebody,” he noted softly, looking down at the baby with dark, troubled eyes. “I could never dream of expecting or…. or even wanting anyone else to try to fill that kind of void. It’s so – ” he broke off, unable to find words for how impossible it was, the idea of anyone being able to take Shinji’s place, looking back at Ibu-san with eyes haunted by the shadows of old and terrible pain.

Kaeda made a squeak of protest as Kippei accidentally tightened his grip, and Kippei relaxed immediately, hushing him and kissing his temple in apology, rubbing his back to soothe him.

“It can’t be done,” he murmured finally. “And he should never have to feel it.”

“He won’t,” Ibu-san assured him quietly. “Not now that Shinji is awake again. He’s just funny little Kaeda now, aren’t you little guy?” He grinned as Kaeda gurgled happily, amused because he was the happiest little critter. It was also adorably cute how Kippei turned into a ‘real’ dad as soon as Kaeda was in the room, meaning his gruff attitude melted away to be replaced with that of a young man playing foolishly with a toddler.

“How’s things at home?”

Kippei’s expression turned meditative, though he kept his gaze fixed on Kaeda, stroking his hair and playing with him, but a faint warm smile hovered at the corner of his mouth, matching the little burst of warmth in his chest at the word. Home. It sounded good.

“Good,” he said finally. “Really good. Shin’s worried about Rien,” as if he was the only one, “he’s gone on a job right now, but he’ll be okay.  We’re here today partly for distraction purposes,” he admitted frankly, looking up to grin at Ibu-san, knowing he would understand.

“Ah the days of distraction!” Ibu-san laughed, indeed knowing those days well. Shinji had always been the sort to worry, and he definitely got it from his mother. It was cute, in a strange way, but the distracting part was often a difficult task, and with Shinji missing Rien it was no doubt doubly hard since Shinji was impossible to side track and thought about his loved ones all the time. It was good though, to see that grin on Kippei’s face and know he loved being home.

“You’re looking good. Is your leg fully healed then?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Kippei answered, sounding rather distracted himself as he craned his neck in the direction Shinji and his mother had disappeared in, trying to catch sight of them, wondering how their chat was going and if Shinji was doing okay. He wasn’t sure if he should follow them, though – maybe it was best to let Shinji handle it.

Shinji was doing okay; listening quietly and just talking about life in general, steering clear of specifics and letting her lead the conversation for the most part, allowing her to take it where she wanted to go. He enjoyed the soft lilt of her voice and let it lull him into distraction. He’d always loved just listening to her talk, much as he always loved listening to Kippei. But in the back of his mind he was still angry she hadn’t pulled her shit together to come to his wedding; that she still couldn’t accept he was married to two people, still a little afraid that she thought he couldn’t be loved and that fear made him turn around every few minutes, searching worriedly for Kippei and eventually he had to call out and make sure Kippei hadn’t run away and left him there alone.

“Ki?”

Kippei was already on his way out, having found the need to hover too strong to resist, edging irresistibly closer until it became pointless not to just go over and join them. When Shinji called he answered with a quiet ‘here’, and smiled the warm smile that went deep into his eyes as he crossed to Shinji’s side, shifting Kaeda onto his hip to give himself a hand free to reach for Shinji’s hair.

“Hey, beautiful. How’s it going?” he asked, speaking to Shinji but making a point of smiling harmlessly at Ashara, too. He wasn’t going to hold a grudge now that Shinji was definitely his, and rubbing it in wasn’t his style, either.

Ashara wanted to hold a grudge, but she couldn’t because she had always known Kippei was the only one who could really make Shinji happy. How that happened she had no idea, but it had been obvious from the day Shinji came home with that strange look on his face and did nothing but talk about his new tennis team Captain. Nothing had changed, not through all the years in between. Shinji still got that odd look on his face that told everyone loud and clear he was irrecovably in love.

“Fine,” Shinji grinned, tugging Kippei down beside him on the back step and snuggling into his side, sticking his tongue out at Kaeda because Kippei’s side was his damnit.

Kippei chuckled at him, finding it ridiculous that Shinji could have any kind of competition. Whatever Shinji wanted was his, as far as Kippei was concerned. He wrapped his arm around Shinji and settled Kaeda in his lap, absently wrapping a strand of Shinji’s hair around his finger, playing with it the way he always did. Everything about Shinji just… fit, against his side and in his heart and with him, totally and completely.

“This little guy’s getting pretty big,” he noted, looking down where Kaeda was chewing on his knuckle.

“That’s because he’s fat,” Shinji smirked, sticking his tongue out again at the baby, who was definitely nothing of the sort but it made Shinji feel better to poke at him a little. “Fat finger sucking baby.” He sighed and relaxed in against Kippei, smiling at Ashara as if to say ‘see we fit and this is what I want and it makes me happy so please be happy for me’.

Kippei snorted softly, amused, but he leaned sideways to kiss the top of Shinji’s head. “I meant,” he noted softly, tightening his arm around Shinji’s waist, “how long it’s been, since you came back.” Kaeda being born a few months before Shinji woke up made his age a pretty good mark of how far they’d come since. So much had happened, so many changes. So many good things, so much growing better and stronger and closer together.

Just then a small shrieking whirlwind burst out of the house and launched herself at Kippei’s back, climbing on and wrapping one arm around Shinji’s neck too, holding on to both of them and laughing, chattering a blue streak of Japanese and Korean.

“Ki-ki, Papa Ki and Shin-papa too! Save me, Shinji!” Hyun-ki entreated them earnestly, and proceeded to explain what she needed saving from, breathless with laughter and mostly in Korean. Kippei looked sideways at Shinji, raising an amused eyebrow to ask if he had any more idea than Kippei did what she was on about, and then turned his head a little further to look over his shoulder, grinning at the sight of Yuni with her hair mussed and eyes shining, cheeks pink with excitement and generally looking more like a normal happy child than she pretty much ever had.

“Looks like we oughta let Sada play over more often, or vice versa,” he commented dryly, looking amusedly back at Shinji, his grin softening with a touch of awe because that beautiful little girl was theirs, their daughter, and he loved them both so much it made his heart feel three sizes too big for his chest.

Shinji grinned at them all, thrilled with the pink cheeks and messed up hair and the little laughing shrieks that said Hyun-ki was finally relaxed and having fun, unafraid of the world she was in. He reached out and tugged her into his lap, kissing her on the cheek and laughing softly as she rambled, not understanding a word but understanding it was good. That life felt good. He looked at Kaeda again and saw what Kippei saw; a baby turning into a toddler that meant time had passed and they were still there, all together.

“Love you,” he murmered softly.

Ashara just sighed, a little glum because this was how it had always been, but also pleased in a way she hadn’t expected to be. Shinji was there and awake and he looked so incredibly happy with the world it was impossible to begrudge him anything. She reached out and tugged gently on one of Hyun-ki’s long locks of hair, smiling.

“I love you too,” Kippei murmured back fervently, leaning over to rub his cheek against Shinji’s hair, breathing in deeply of the scent of it and then exhaling with a sigh as he finished, “more than anything.” All three of them, his little family, were more important to him than anything else ever had been or ever would be. All the love in the world couldn’t be enough for how much he wanted to give them.

Shinji felt like the whole world was finally right; his mother looked finally okay with things, Kippei loved him, Hyun-ki looked happy. It was all right with the world. Except that Rien was gone, and he didn’t even know when he was coming home. The reminder made Shinji sigh and slump back in against Kippei’s side, petting Hyun-ki’s hair and remembering Rien bringing her home that first day.

“I want Ri home.”

As if in answer to his plea, Kippei’s phone suddenly rang in his pocket, making Kaeda squirm and jabber excitedly, patting at him with flailing baby hands, trying to find the intriguing source of the ringing sound. Kippei chuckled at him as he deftly shifted his grip and pulled his phone out, evading the chubby little fingers and raising an eyebrow at the caller id as it rang a second time, then tossing the phone to Shinji to answer, smirking just a little.

“Looks like he does too,” he pointed out, amused that Rien was already missing them enough to call, and that for the second time today.

Startled by the call, Shinji nonethless grabbed the phone and huddled closer so they could all hear it as he put it on speaker phone, aware of Ashara quietly leaving them to have a moment alone but unable to give her any attention, completely focussed on the phone.

“Rien?” He almost didn’t dare believe it was him. “Is it really you?”

“Yeah, baby, it’s me,” Rien assured him, connection a bit crackly with airport interference, but strong and warm and solid as ever in spite of that. Sighing, he shifted his weight, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, talking into the hands-free bluetooth earpiece of his phone. He stood staring out at the tarmac of the airstrip through the window near the gate, waiting for the plane to start boarding for the next leg of his flight and feeling deeply, sorely, bone-achingly lonely as hell.

“I miss you,” he noted quietly, understatement of the century and not knowing quite what to do with it. He’d never felt it quite this keenly, this bad before. Never felt so desperately, sickeningly alone. It hurt, hurt deep inside with a constant dull, throbbing ache that made it hard to think about or concentrate on anything else. “Miss you all so bad.” He swallowed hard past the ache in his throat.

“Shin,” he whispered. “Y’know ‘ow much I love you, right?”

Startled by the question, Shinji stared at Kippei, feeling how deeply he was in his thrall, and how desperately he needed to hang on to that, and knowing somehow Rien felt the same thing and even if it was still with a dazed wonderment he knew Rien felt it for him too, in the same way Shinji couldn’t live without Rien and it made him smile and kiss the top of Hyun-ki’s head.

“I know. I know how much. I love you the same.” Not more, not less…equally. Just as bone achingly, mind numbingly completely. “Miss you so much.” Because that went hand in hand with loving someone, when they were gone.

Rien nodded helplessly, heaving a gusty sigh and rubbing a hand across his face. “I be terr’ble homesick,” he admitted softly, knowing it wasn’t just that he missed them, but it was the whole package, having a place to come home to, having them there to make it home. “Tell me what you been up to since I been gone?” he asked, even though it had only been a few hours.

Kippei watched Shinji’s face as he talked, absently letting Kaeda chew on his finger and wondering if his parents had ever seen that expression on Shinji’s face when he was not talking to Kippei – if they’d ever actually seen that Shinji did feel that way about both of them, that he loved Rien for his own sake and not just because it made Kippei happy. Which it did, unquestionably, but the look on Shinji’s face just now as he talked to Rien wasn’t something you could fake, and Kippei thought maybe his mother should have stuck around just a little bit longer.

Homesick. The word left Shinji speechless for a full minute, and then he was smiling, looking up at Kippei in delight because Rien was homesick.

“You’ll be home soon, Ri.” Or he hoped he would be because too many days like this and Shinji was sure he would go insane. For now it just made him pleased, that Rien loved their home enough to be sick with missing it. “You’ll be home with us. Won’t he Yuni? Say hello to Daddy?”

Yuni was watching the phone with big eyes, remembering Rien’s voice coming out of it earlier, though she couldn’t hear anything now.

“Rin?” she asked curiously, wanting to talk but not sure that she knew how to make it work. “Papa Rin is there?”

Rien could hear her voice in the background and it made him ache all over again, wishing desperately that he was home with them. He would just have to buy them all a lot of really great presents.

Shinji nodded and quickly put the phone on speaker, putting it in Hyun-ki’s hands encouragingly.

“You’re on speaker, Ri. Say hi to Yuni.” He pet her hair and nodded to the phone, wondering what she wanted to say to him, incredibly amused by her calling Rien ‘Papa Rin’. “Say hi to Papa Rin, Yuni. Tell Papa Rin how much you love him.”

“Hey, pretty girl,” Rien greeted her, smiling faintly at Shinji’s encouragement. He wondered when he’d become ‘Papa’ Rin, whether that was Shinji’s doing or something else entirely. Regardless, he kind of liked the sound of it.

Rien’s voice being all the encouragement she needed that it was in fact working, Yuni began chattering at him immediately, telling him all about their visit to Nana-Shinji and playing with Sada, dressing up and Kippei being all distracted by the baby, which last she noted with a fairly audible dainty wrinkling of her nose.

“My papa Ki,” she informed Rien sternly. “No babies!”

Shinji burst into loud laughter, almost crying in amusement as he stared at Kippei, hugging Hyun-ki tightly, entirely thrilled with the sign of possessiveness that meant she was completely over her fear of Kippei and now considered him hers. Her Papa Ki.

“Our papa Ki,” he agreed, kissing her cheek. “Kippei was just playing with the smelly baby. We get to keep him, I promise.”

“Shin-papa mine too,” she told him warningly, holding up her tiny index finger and pointing it at him. “All mine, Ki and Shinji and Rin, Yuni doesn’t have to share!” She’d never had anything that was just hers before, that she could keep and argue about and fight for, and now that she did she never meant to let go.

Kippei and Rien both laughed too, and Kippei got to his feet, wandering back in to find Ibu-san and give Kaeda back to his real father.

Shinji watched him go and hugged Hyun-ki closer, settling her more comfortably in his lap and leaning over her shoulder so he could talk into the phone more easily.

“You hear that Ri? We belong to Yuni now,” he grinned, thinking it was adorable, but inwardly still certain she was their’s, though he supposed it went both ways. He liked belonging to her, almost as much as he liked belonging to Kippei and Rien. It was easier, somehow, to love and belong to a child than to two grown men.

“I love you, Ri. I can’t wait til you come home. The bed’s never as warm without you in it, octopus.”

Rien groaned out loud in dismay, feeling the reminder like a physical ache. He would be sleeping alone, or trying to, until he got back. He’d always slept alone, until he met Kippei he’d never allowed himself to actually fall asleep in bed with anyone, but since then he’d become addicted to the warmth of them in the bed, sleeping with him, and it was a hell of a lot harder than it used to be to get to sleep without them.

“I know,” he sighed, rubbing an agitated hand over his hair, ruffling his own curls. “Can’t wait either, love ya miss y’so much.”

“You know…you haven’t even really left yet,” Shinji pointed out with a wry laugh. “You haven’t even left and I already miss you this much…” It was pathetic and he hated himself for it but he could feel the panic in the back of his mind and the tears stinging his eyes and he left the phone in Hyun-ki’s hands and ran for Kippei, catching him as he was coming out of the house again, wrapping his arms around him and clinging desperately, needing the reassurance that one of them at least was there.

“Rin?” Hyun-ki asked cautiously, picking up the phone and speaking into it, not sure if it would work for her or not, if Rien was still there. “Shinji cryin’, Papa Rin,” she whispered. “He go get hugs from Papa Ki. Hugs make better, Rin? Shinji feel better?”

Rien laughed helplessly, his voice cracking with the hopeless ache of knowing he’d made Shinji cry and he wasn’t there to make it better. No doubt hugs from Kippei would help, but that wasn’t the point. He’d made Shinji cry, and he should be there giving him hugs himself.

“You better go help him,” he murmured brokenly. “You two give him lots an’ lots of hugs til I get home again, kay? I gotta go now, my layover time’s up – time for me to fly again,” he explained belatedly as he remembered who he was talking to. “You go help give Shinji hugs for me, now. Love you, baby. Talk to you soon.”

Hyun-ki’s forehead wrinkled a little as she stared bemusedly at the phone, not sure how to hang it up but it sounded like Rien was gone so she wandered over to Kippei and Shinji locked in their desperate embrace and held the phone up timidly.

“Rin say come give hugs,” she noted softly, and Kippei chuckled a little, kissing the top of Shinji’s head and stroking his hair back, holding out a hand for the phone and tucking it back away in his pocket, then reaching for Yuni and pulling her into the middle where she could wrap her arms around Shinji’s waist and Kippei could hug them both.

Shinji held her close with one arm, but kept the other firmly around Kippei, holding him tight against him and nuzzling against his throat, inhaling the scent of him and forcing himself to calm down, remembering that Kippei and Hyun-ki were both there with him and it wouldn’t be too long before Rien was home with them and everything was better again. It was still a long time before he could bring himself to pull away, swiping at the tears left on his cheeks and smiling timidly down at Hyun-ki.

“Can we go home now? I wanna go home. I need a nap or something. Ice cream and a movie or whatever.”

“Whatever you wanna do, Shin,” Kippei assured him. “We can leave anytime, this was just a visit.” For distraction purposes, and obviously the distraction was no longer working after Rien called them in the middle of it, so they might as well go.

He brushed at the tear tracks on Shinji’s cheeks with his own thumb, kissing his forehead and then picking up Yuni to carry her back inside.

“C’mon, let’s go say bye to your folks.” He wasn’t too sure what they were going to tell them, but he thought they would understand.

They did. As soon as they saw Shinji’s face, Ashara was hugging him and ushering them out the door, reassurring them that they were welcome any time and helping them get Hyun-ki into the car while Ibu-san took care of Kaeda and Sada. They waved them off from the front door and Shinji breathed a heavy sigh of relief to be back on the way home, too relieved to even feel some sort of panic at being in the car. He curled up in the seat and watched Kippei beside him and Hyun-ki in the child safety seat in the back.

“Sorry. Just want it to be us. Need just us.”

Kippei reached over to squeeze his hand comfortingly. “Nothing to be sorry for, lover. Going to see them was mainly a distraction to keep our minds off Rien not being home, and obviously after he called it wasn’t going to work anymore. We’ll go home and curl up together, just us, we’ll be okay.”

There were no words Shinji could think of that did justice to how grateful he was that Kippei loved him and understood him so well. He stroked Kippei’s cheek and let his eyes close, determined to doze all the way home, crawl into bed with Yuni when he got there, and sleep until dinner.

“Love you, Ki and Yuni. Love you more than life.”

“Do you know how long? It’s not a week, is it? It’s not that far away?”

“Nah, darlin’, shouldn’t be that long,” Rien assured him, sounding almost contrite, coming over to hug him tight and kiss his hair, then framing his face with tender hands and tipping it up to kiss that too, soft kisses rained all over and finally a warm, lingering one on his mouth.

“Love you so much,” he murmured huskily, something dark and aching in his eyes as he met the sad blue ones with regret. “Wish I ain’t had to go, princess, y’know I ain’t wanna go anymore’n you want me to,” he noted softly.

“I know,” Shinji whispered softly, forcing himself not to cling and to take deep breaths and let Rien do what he needed to do without a screaming, sullen boyfriend. His head was aching but he could control it and he went to sit beside Kippei, soaking up that warmth, reminding himself Kippei would miss Rien just as badly.

“You promise to wear the bullet proof vest?”

Kippei wrapped an arm around him, tucking Shinji close against his side and rubbing his cheek against his hair, watching Rien finish packing and missing him already, dreading the curiously off-balance feeling that his empty space left behind.

Rien smiled faintly, glancing over at them briefly and then away again, because it hurt and he wanted to go over and curl up with them and never go anywhere again, but he still had a job to do and this one wasn’t going to be pleasant. He so wasn’t telling them anything about this mission.

“Yeah, sweetheart, I promise, though if I ‘appen to need it then I done fucked up good,” he noted wryly, a little amused but willing to do anything that made Shinji feel a little more secure about the whole thing.

Shinji preferred to pretend Rien stuffing up was not a possibility, and being reminded it was made him shiver and press closer in against Kippei’s side, seeking reassurance that Kippei, at least, was safe and sound and not going anywhere dangerous. He focussed on the fact Rien had promised, to be safe as well as come back.

“I love you, Ri,” he reminded him softly, wanting Rien to remember it when he was alone on the other side of the world somewhere.

It was definitely not something he was going to forget. Rien sighed a little as he finished packing, having run out of excuses to put off leaving; it was time to go. He came over to get a last hug and kiss from them both, leaning into them and wishing he could just stay right here, warm and surrounded.

“I love you too,” he whispered. “Both of you, so much.”

Kippei murmured in agreement, holding them both tightly for as long as he could. “Come back safe,” he ordered softly.

“You gotta say bye to Yuni,” Shinji reminded him. “Explain you’ll be back!” Because Hyun-ki had clearly had people she loved disappear before and Shinji was not having her think anything like that was going to happen to Rien. He wanted her to know Rien was just away on a trip, and that everything was okay and he couldn’t explain that himself in Korean, though he was getting better.

“Yeah, I know,” Rien agreed, sighing again as he straightened reluctantly and pulled away from them, giving them a brief flickering smile before he picked up his bag and left the room, pausing in the hall to stop by Hyun-ki’s room and say goodbye to her too.

She looked like she might cry, but Rien explained that he was just working, he would be back soon, and made her promise to take care of Shinji, knowing that the best distraction was to worry about someone else. She nodded solemnly as if she were ten years older, and he smiled faintly, kissing her forehead again and dragging himself away, aching all over and determined to just go and get done as fast as possible, and come back home.

Shinji slipped off the bed and went to pick up Hyun-ki where she stood hovering in the hallway watching Rien carry his bags to the door. He carried her after him, watching Rien toss his things in a cab and sighing, kissing the top of her head and waving with her until the cab was completely out of sight.

“Mmm…maybe I should take you to school with me. That would keep me distracted,” he pondered, looking down at Hyun-ki’s head thoughtfully. “They have free daycare there…you could make some friends.”

She looked worriedly up at him, not sure what he was saying but aware that he was worried and Rien was leaving, even if he was coming back it was still strange and uncertain, and she clung more tightly to Shinji as they went back inside, passing Kippei where he’d been leaning against the door frame.

“That might be better after Rien gets back,” Kippei pointed out as he followed them into the kitchen. “So he can explain?” He wasn’t sure she would understand why she was being left with people she didn’t know all day.

“Mmm true, but I want to go to school at least tomorrow. I think it would be okay if I took her just to my lectures? Then when I have workshop you could take her to your lecture? It’s not like she cries or is noisy or anything. Just give her some crayons and she can colour through it.” Shinji didn’t bother pointing out he just wanted someone to be able to hug until Rien got back.

Kippei looked extremely doubtful – that did not sound like a good idea at all, and he was not at all sure that it would be allowed.

“Maybe,” he murmured. “Is there someone you can ask?” He thought overall it would just be better if one of them stayed home with her. “I could just stay home tomorrow if you want to go,” he suggested.

“No!” Shinji balked at the idea, gaping at Kippei and feeling suddenly cold and terrified. “I don’t want to go by myself!” The whole idea was not being by himself. He frowned and shrugged, dropping the idea. “I’ll stay home with her, I’m ahead anyway. You’ll have to hand in my experiment report though.” He wandered down to the kitchen, putting Hyun-ki in her chair and going to make them some fruit salad, because he was definitely not tired now.

Kippei wasn’t entirely happy with that plan either, but overall he thought it was better than the alternatives. He sighed as he followed Shinji and wrapped his arms around him from behind, hugging him and kissing his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I know it’s hard. You could let her spend the day with Nana-Kimi,” he pointed out. He didn’t really want to go to school by himself either, had come to count on the times he got to see Shinji throughout the day.

“Nah…Rien actually set up all these stupid activities for us to do,” Shinji laughed softly, pointing to the list on the fridge. “Things Yuni likes, apparently. We’ll have fun. And it’s not like school isn’t expecting me to be absent heaps anyway. You’ve got no excuse…” He smirked and turned to kiss Kippei, hot and open on the mouth, soaking up the feeling of being home. “Besides…you have to become a sexy professor to fulfil my little fantasy.”

Kippei snorted softly and rolled his eyes, half amused and stupidly annoyed that he couldn’t have Shinji to himself where he wanted him all the time, that they couldn’t work out a way for all of them to have what they wanted and stay together while Rien was gone, but that was just apparently the way it was, and he sighed as he rested his forehead against Shinji’s, looking into his eyes.

“I’ll miss you,” he muttered, feeling silly for admitting it, but it was true.

“I’ll miss you too,” Shinji agreed, kissing him again, softer this time, just wanting the gentle contact, sighing as he dropped back down onto his heels and finished making the fruit salad, dishing it into three bowls and grabbing the leftover whipped cream from last night’s dessert and putting huge dollops on his own and Hyun-ki’s, raising a brow questioningly at Kippei.

“You want? Or is it too much sugar first thing in the morning?”

Kippei shook his head, smiling faintly as he took the bowl without any topping. “No thanks, I’m good.” Definitely too much sugar.

Yuni was eyeing hers with solemn curiosity, reaching out to poke at the white stuff with her finger, blinking as it stuck to her fingertip and then cautiously licking it off, her face lighting up with surprise and delight as the sugary stuff melted in her mouth.

“Good, Shinji!” she told him, beaming happily as she waved a white covered finger at him. “Yum good, Yuni like this.”

Shinji didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, it hurt anew every time he realised how deprived she had been, and made him desperately grateful she was their’s now and he could show her so many wonderful things. He forced a smile and nodded, going to sit next to her with his own bowl and petting her untidy bed hair down.

“Yeah Yuni, it’s yum. Cream is yum.”

“Kyim,” she agreed, nodding as she went about methodically eating all the cream off the top before she started on the fruit, humming to herself as she ate the small pieces of fruit. Shinji always had the best ideas.

Kippei watched them both as he ate, smiling to himself at the rather adorable picture they made, feeling like his heart was too big for his chest, aching with how much he loved them.

“So,” he said after a minute, clearing his throat and looking questioningly at Shinji. “Since nobody has to go anywhere today, what do you want to do?” He had a couple of ideas, actually, but he waited to see if Shinji had anything in mind.

“I…dunno?” He was always confused the day Rien left and really hadn’t thought past that small fact that Rien would be gone. He looked at Kippei curiously, hearing the possibility of an idea behind the words.

“You got an idea?”

“Sort of,” Kippei answered, shrugging as he took another bite of fruit salad. “We could take Yuni over to visit Sada, let her play for a bit and meet your mum and dad,” he suggested, feeling a little guilty about how long the little girl had been with them without even having met his or Shinji’s parents yet. Since it was the weekend they should both be home, and it would if nothing else be a definite distraction.

Shinji paused, trying to figure out if Kippei had really just suggested what he thought he had, then he just felt completely stumped. Not about Sada, because Sada was obsessive when it came to playing, and she had played well enough with Hyun-ki at their house. But taking her to his parents house to play? And to meet his parents?

“I guess we can?” He looked down at Hyun-ki while he fished his phone out of his pocket. “But I should try to find out if Mum’s in an okay mood?” He hadn’t gone to see her since she didn’t come to their wedding.

Kippei sighed and nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed wryly. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to, I just… they’re her grandparents too, sort of, and they haven’t even gotten to meet her yet. It seems kind of rude or something, I guess.” He wasn’t entirely sure what he thought about it, but it made him feel vaguely uncomfortable somehow.

“Nah, Dad will want to meet her no matter what, and Mum…well, I’ll talk to her first,” he noted softly. “Guess I was just putting it off.” He kissed Kippei’s cheek and left him with Hyun-ki, going down the hall to sit in bed while he called, cuddling Kiri and staring at the picture he had taken of Kippei asleep wrapped around the stuffed tiger the afternoon he and Rien had returned from the zoo. It made him smile every time he saw it, despite the bruises fading on Kippei’s skin.

The phone rang and he wasn’t surprised when Sada answered, but he was pleased when she sounded happy and he talked softly to her before asking her to put his mother on. It was an awkward conversation but she sounded fine and she wanted him to come over so he arranged it quickly and sighed as he hung up the phone, smirking a little because Ashi wasn’t home and he knew where she was.

Kippei looked relieved when Shinji came back in, holding out his own phone for him to take. “Here,” he noted, “trade. Ri called from the airport.” And he wasn’t really any better than he’d ever been about talking to Rien while he was working.

Shinji lunged for the phone, putting it on speaker so Hyun-ki could talk too, already grinning.

“Hey Ri! I’m jealous, you get to go on a plane!” Shinji was still yet to do any such thing and was more than a little fascinated by the idea, even if he suspected he would get bored at some point and want to land again.

“Yuni hadn’t had whipped cream before! She ate it all off her fruit salad before even touching the fruit!”

Hyun-ki stared wide-eyed at the phone as Rien’s laugh echoed out of it, looking faintly confused. She knew what a phone was and how it worked generally, but she’d never heard it out loud like that.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Rien greeted her, wishing he was there to scoop her up and snuggle her, but of course Shinji would see to that. “How you doin’, Shin? D’you miss me yet?” he asked, teasing gently, knowing that they missed him as much as he missed them, which was insanely.

“Miss you more than anything,” Shinji replied, forcing himself to grin instead of cry. He could cry later, at night, when it was just Kippei and him in bed and he could hide in the dark and warmth of Kippei’s hugs. “Yuni looks pretty confused about the phone bein on speaker…she’s so cute, her hair is all messy from bed and she smells like cream.” He grinned at her and leaned down to inhale the scent. “Cute Yuni, say hi to Rien!”

Rien squeezed his eyes shut, smiling helplessly, painfully, listening and wishing he was home, wishing he was free to go home whenever he wished. He definitely had to quit this job.

“Hi baby,” he said to Yuni, crooning at her in both languages, making her laugh, though he could tell by the tone of it that she still looked a bit uncertain and wary. “I be home soon, angels, don’t you worry none. Love y’all now.”

Shinji sighed as the phone went dead, then picked Hyun-ki up and cuddled her in his lap, kissing her cheek loudly, wishing he knew what she was thinking and if she was okay because he wasn’t. He wanted Rien back, but had enough sense these days to know he just had to wait. Rien would come back, with silly presents no doubt. ‘

“Okay. So we’re going to my parents house…we better get some nice clothes on then, hmm? Wouldn’t want Nana-Ashara to think we were grubs.”

“Nana…shara?” she repeated, half curious and half worried, hearing an undertone of tension in Shinji’s voice. “Go with Shinji, yes? Shinji come too?” As long as Shinji was coming, wherever they were going was okay with her.

Kippei chuckled softly, coming around and hugging them both from behind, kissing Shinji’s hair and brushing a finger down Hyun-ki’s cheek, smiling faintly when she giggled and hid her face against Shinji. It was a far cry from the flinching fear she’d shown him when she’d first come to them.

“Yeah, baby. Shinji come too.” They would all go, because they were a family. Even if one of them was missing right now.